Flesh Failures
by MissPessimist
Summary: After leaving Soul Society, Gin learns that Izuru is pregnant. He decides to take him to Hueco Mundo with him, which does not sit well with almost everyone. GinXIzuru, mpreg.
1. Echo

MP: Well hello, it's been a while…oopsie.

Cee: You bitch.

MP: That's my name, don't wear it out. Anyways, since I've taken such a liking to Bleach, I figured I would write another story for it.

This time around, I'm using Kira, because the poor boy needs a cookie and a hug. And in this story it's going to be mpreg, which makes no probable sense, but is fun to write anyway.

I would appreciate it if you review and share your opinions.

This story takes place after Aizen & Co. have betrayed Soul Society.

Okay, story begins now

X X X

"_Love is like an echo. It comes back."_

How long had it been?

Two months? Three? Four?

The idea of it being longer seemed abstract. Many things do when one lives in a realm where endless day is always endless night as well.

Soon one just doesn't bother to distinguish the two, and the night simply becomes the time when he is too tired to care.

Gin was sure of one thing; the nights in the Sereitei had never seemed as cruel.

Was that why he found himself going back?

Sometimes.

But on nights such as this, it was not the warm summer air that drew him in, nor the sound of laughter echoing through the darkness.

Tonight only one sound drew him closer.

The sound of his former lieutenant breathing.

What did he risk by being so close?

Everything and nothing.

These journeys cost him nothing he wasn't prepared to lose. And that was why he felt no shame or trepidation when he found himself in his former lieutenant's room.

It was difficult for him to think of Izuru as such.

His _former _lieutenant.

Too much time had been spent with them being side by side to consider him anything but.

Lieutenant.

Part time lover.

But always Izuru.

He had other names as well, but those were best kept hidden in the darkest of nights they had spent in each other's arms.

Presently, his Izuru was lying asleep on the futon they had shared in long times past. His chest rose and fell softly, a thin sheet gathered around him to ward off the small breeze that summer brought.

In sleep, his hair was off his face to display a thoroughly troubled expression.

"…_Smile…"_

Another wisp of memory…

"_C'mon, Izuru…smile…"_

Teasing and flirting at the edge of his subconscious…

Izuru's face blushing…a hand pulling the hair out of his eyes…a small transparent smile twinkling on his face…

Gin sighed.

Always so serious.

If he was still Izuru's captain, he could have told the blond to smile whenever he wanted.

But he wasn't Izuru's captain anymore.

Now Izuru was just another shinigami, and Gin was his enemy.

In his sleep, Izuru's mouth twitched, one side going up in a half smile, before returning to his ever present frown.

A tongue went out to wet his lips.

Gin glanced out the window at the sky. When he came, the sky had been completely black, but now it was regressing to its navy blue state, signaling to all that dawn was approaching.

He would have to leave soon.

He knew that soon he wouldn't be able to leave.

It was going to be too much soon. And the only resolution he found was that he would need to stop coming all together.

Perhaps it was time to kick the habit.

And the next time he would see Izuru would not be lying peacefully in bed. Most likely it would be on a blood soaked battlefield.

He wanted to protect him from that.

There was only one way he could think to do that. But he didn't make that decision months ago, and he wasn't making it now.

Izuru belonged to the Sereitei, and it was best if he remained there.

That thought didn't make it any easier.

It just made it logical.

Gin rose silently, stretching the bones of his spine, which had been nearly plastered to the wall for hours.

He approached Izuru's bed, his steps falling like silent raindrops on the floor.

All the nights he'd been coming, he had looked and never touched, despite the most irrepressible of urges that had plagued him.

Just one touch wouldn't hurt.

Gin stopped before the blond's bed, his shadow blanketing Izuru's sleeping form.

One touch, for old times sake…

He reached out his fingers, letting the tips ghost over Izuru's jaw line. Daring to press down further, he put his hand on the smooth cheek.

Izuru sighed and gently pressed his face to Gin's hand. A smile formed unconsciously on his face, softening the boys gaunt, sorrowful features.

The gentle, smiling lips invited him closer.

One kiss. For the road…

Gin got to his knees beside the futon, quietly bringing his face to hover above Izuru's.

He put his other hand into soft blond hair, letting his own pale skin frame the boy's face.

Slowly, his face drew closer and closer to its target, his silver bangs tickling Izuru's forehead.

Ever so quietly, Gin's lips rested on Izuru's.

It did not last long, and the fanfare that usually occurs when lovers lips meet was muted down to the sound of the wind outside.

Regretfully, Gin removed his lips from Izuru's, and untangled his fingers from his hair.

He sat for a moment, taking a last look at the blond in the bed.

When would he see him next?

Across the battlefield, stained in blood…

No. He would always remember Izuru as he was now.

Pale and peaceful, a small smile lingering on his lips, glowing in the moonlight.

"I'll see ya later, Izuru" he whispered, rising and beginning the 10 second walk to the door.

He'd forgotten about the creaky board on the floor.

The shrill noise pierced the air, and Gin froze.

Did-

"I-Ichimaru-taicho…?"

The voice was small, timid. The voice of a mouse.

Gin didn't want to turn around and face him, but he did.

Izuru was sitting up, his eyes wide, and sleeping robe falling open to reveal his milky figure, which seemed fuller since the last time he'd seen it.

He fought to find the words. "…Hi, 'Zuru."

Hair fell back into his face as Izuru's breathing quickened. "What do you want?" he asked apprehensively.

"I…" Gin started, hands clenching and unclenching. "I guess I wanted ta see ya…"

Izuru stared at him, his single visible eye wide, its blue iris merely a pinprick of water in its white depths.

Gin found it hard to keep his smile on his face when Izuru was looking at him like that. "I…I'll go now" he said, turning back to walk out the door.

"W-Wait! Please, wait!" Izuru called after him.

Forcing his smile back onto his face, Gin turned back to the blond.

Izuru had begun to get up to go after him. He was on one knee, and his robe had fallen open further, displaying his form once again.

This time, Gin was able to see the small bump on his stomach, proudly jutting into the moonlight.

The smile vanished from his face.

Blinking, Izuru followed Gin's invisible gaze down to his exposed stomach. Paling, he hastily pulled the robe back together.

"Ichi-"

"You…" Gin began, turning fully, his eyes barely cracking open. "You're…"

Izuru lowered his gaze to focus on the hands that rested on his stomach. "I was going to tell you…" he said softly, almost fearfully.

Gin approached him, hands reaching forward. He went to his knees in front of Izuru, removing the boys hands and pulling the robe aside again.

The skin was still smooth, still pale and clean.

He put his hands onto it, spreading his fingers out to butterfly around the growing life.

"Baby…" Gin said softly, his eyes inching open.

"Ichimaru-taicho-" Izuru began, breath still sped up.

"How long have ya know, Izuru?"

Izuru breathed deeply, letting Gin's hands rise along with his stomach. "It was before you left with Aizen-taicho…a few days before…I was going to tell you, really…but then you left and I didn't what to do, and I…"

Gin sighed. "Izuru…poor little Izuru…"

He brought his face to Izuru's, pressing their lips together once again, keeping his hands on the blonds stomach.

A small gasp escaped between them, before there was stillness.

The fanfare never erupted, but the splendor of calm waters existed between them.

A tongue prodded at Izuru's lips, and was almost immediately granted access.

The familiar taste of Izuru's mouth was sweet to Gin as his tongue roamed around the familiar cavern.

A soft noise of contentment echoed in Izuru's throat as his own tongue mingled with Gin's, and he brought his hands up to tangle in Gin's hair.

Taking his lips from Izuru's, Gin began to kiss and suck his way down an alabaster neck.

"Ichimaru…taicho…" Izuru sighed.

"I've missed ya, Izuru…" Gin said, kissing at the base of izuru's neck. "I've missed ya so much…"

A smile worked onto Izuru's face, and he closed his eyes as Gin lips trailed down his chest, and began to kiss at his stomach.

Tightening his grip on Gin's hair, Izuru breathed out his name once more.

Gin rested his forehead onto the bump, letting his hand begin to rub at it soothingly.

Stillness.

"Izuru?" Gin said, looking back up at the blond, a smile placed back on his face.

"Yes?" Izuru answered, looking back at him calmly.

"Does anyone else…?" Gin trailed.

"No, I haven't told anyone."

"Hm…" Gin thought, putting his head back on Izuru's stomach.

Izuru began to scratch at Gin's scalp, letting silver tresses slip through his fingers. "What are you thinking?"

"About the baby" Gin said, smile growing.

"Ichi-…Gin?"

"Hm?" 

"You're…you're not staying are you?"

Gin paused. "No, I'm not."

Taking a deep breath, Izuru closed his eyes and gave a slow nod. "Alright."

A small notch took down his smile. "Izuru?"

"Yes?"

Gin raised his head again, eyes opened slightly to reveal two electric blue irises. "I…I wanna do right by ya"

Izuru's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"I mean I wanna take care a ya when tha baby comes. We can take care a tha baby tagether" Gin said, a determined tingle to his smile.

"But…" Izuru's eyes widened. "We can't do that."

"No" Gin shook his head. "Not _here_"

"What do you-" Izuru cut off, realization dawning on his face. "You're not saying-"

"Come back with me" Gin said, smile widening.

Izuru looked at him as though he had grown a second head. "To Hueco Mundo?"

"Yeah! Ya can come back with me an have tha baby at Los Noches!" Gin said excitedly.

"No no no, we can't do that" Izuru said, shaking his head. " I have all my friends, and the squad needs me, and you… I'm sure you have something back there, so we just can't-"

"'Zuru," Gin said, putting a hand on the blonds cheek. "Don't ya want ta be with me?"

Izuru's face softened sufficiently. "You know I do… I love you"

"There's no way we can be tagether here. They'd be on us like white rice"

Izuru laughed softly.

"But if we went ta Hueco Mundo, I could talk ta Aizen-sama, and we could be tagether there."

Izuru shook his head. "Gin-"

"Ya'd be taken care of. Ya an tha baby" Gin said reassuringly. "I'd make sure a it. An' ya wouldn't be alone, I'd be there an' we could find ya someone ta be with when-"

"Gin." Izuru silenced.

"I want ya ta come with me, Izuru" Gin said, bringing his face closer to Izuru's. "Come with me an' have tha baby."

"But…" Izuru fought pathetically. "But the squad-"

"They'll get over it" Gin said, "They can replace me an' ya like they always wanted" ke kissed Izuru's cheek.

"But I have my friends-" Gin kissed his still moving lips. "and I can't just leave without-" another kiss. "A word, they'll worry-" Gin clamped his lips over Izuru's, silencing anything he could have said.

"Ya worry ta much, Izuru" Gin said, nuzzling the blonds nose.

"I think this is a perfectly logical thing to worry about" Izuru said. "You're asking me to pick up and leave the place where I've built my life."

"Ta start a new one, with me an' tha baby" Gin said, putting a hand on his stomach. "Ya could be sent ta battle at any moment, an' what if ya got hurt? What would happen ta tha baby then?"

Izuru searched inside for an answer, and found none.

"If ya came with me, ya'd be safe. I wouldn' let anything hurt ya or tha baby" Gin said, putting his forehead on Izuru's. "I'd take care a ya."

Biting his lip, Izuru looked down at his stomach, putting a protective hand over the small bump, opposite Gin's.

A thoughtful silence passed between them.

"Gin?" Izuru asked softly.

"Yeah?"

"You know that if you had asked me to go with you before, I would have, don't you?"

"Tha's why I didn't ask."

Izuru swallowed. "But I would have" he looked at Gin sadly. "Why didn't you ask me then?"

Gin frowned, the muscles in his cheeks protesting. "I thought I was doing what was best for ya. But its not just ya an' me now."

Izuru nodded.

"Come with me" Gin said, kissing his cheek. "Come with me" he kissed his other cheek. "Come with me" he kissed his nose. "Come with me" he kissed his forehead. "Come with-"

"Alright" Izuru relented with a smile.

Gin's face brightened. "Ya will?"

"Yes, I'll come with you" Izuru said, putting a hand on Gin's face.

Gin immediately engulfed Izuru's lips again.

And this time there was fanfare. There were falling stars and blooming flowers and crashing waves.

"You're gonna be sa happy, Izuru…" Gin whispered. "All three a us will be sa happy…"

X X X

And there's the first chapter!

I'll write the next as soon as I can, but in the meantime I would appreciate reviews.


	2. Letting Go

MP: 'Ello there! Thanks to everyone who's been reviewing and subscribing! I'm glad that you people seem to like the story so far, and I hope this chapter is better than the first. Now for my disclaimer:

Cee: MissyPessimisty doesn't own Bleach, its characters, its plot, merchandise, and or general awesomeness.

MP: Kay thanks, story shall commence now.

X X X

"_Courage is the power to let go of the familiar."_

Los Noches was quiet on the topside. Just looking at it, one could envision empty corridors and deathly silence.

Behind the façade was a different story. Walking past any door, one could always hear something. Raised voices, and the sound of flesh hitting flesh were the norm, and rarely was it ever as silent as it was today.

But that was mostly attributed to the fact that Aizen Sosuke was making the rounds.

Everyone could sense him approaching, and it silenced anything they could have been doing, forcing words to die on tongues, and movements to still.

It was as though the hand of God was passing through Egypt, but for all they knew Aizen _was_ the hand of God.

The most normal thing they could have done was slaughter fraccion and paint the doors in their blood.

But that would have been deemed abnormal, and when Aizen was around it was best to act as normal as possible.

Aizen himself walked the many corridors of Los Noches totally aware of this, and the thought gave him great joy.

Behind him, Gin followed along, his usual smile plastered on his face, not speaking much.

Aizen attributed this to being tired, as usually Gin would jabber on like a monkey in a tree on these walks.

"Are you tired, Gin?" he asked; his tone coolly friendly.

"Neh? No, Aizen-sama" Gin said, his tone just as chipper as usual.

"You haven't been speaking much today" Aizen pointed out.

"You know me. Always thinkin'" Gin smiled wider. "But I didn' know you missed the sound a my voice so much, Aizen-sama."

Aizen nearly smiled. "What are you thinking of, Gin? It must be incredibly important to occupy your thoughts so."

Gin wasted not a second. "Why, I was thinkin' a ya, Aizen-sama!"

This time Aizen did smile. "Oh really?"

"A course! Thinkin' a what a great leader ya are. I bet ya won every single game a capture the flag."

"But of course" Aizen replied.

Playing along with Gin's little games had become Aizen's unofficial past time. If he didn't, being around the man 24 hours a day would have been impossible.

A beat of silence as they rounded another corner.

"Ya know, Aizen-sama," Gin said, tone still cheery, but now more aware. I was thinking a something else, too."

"Oh? And what is it?"

"Well, I was thinking a something Izuru said before we left" Gin said nonchalantly.

Aizen could tell that Gin wanted him to ask what it was, but decided to let the man say it on his own.

"He told me he thought he was pregnant."

Aizen halted.

"Pregnant?" he asked.

Gin's smile turned sheepish as he stopped behind Aizen. "Heheh…yeah."

"By _you_?"

"…guess so."

"Well…" Aizen thought, before starting to walk again. "That's unfortunate."

Gin caught up. "But that's what I was thinkin'! Maybe I can bring him here, y'know?"

Aizen raised an eyebrow, frowning. "I'm afraid I don't know, Gin. You'll need to enlighten me."

He let a hint of displeasure seep coolly into his words.

"Well, if he's gonna have a baby I wanna be there to raise it. In the new way."

Aizen nodded.

"And I'm thinkin' of what Izuru could know about the plans Sereitei may be making."

"What would Kira-kun know of this?" Aizen asked; interest peaked.

"The way I see it, Izuru is basically captain. If there's no one else that can run a squad, the lieutenant does."

"And you believe that as the unofficial leader of squad three, Kira-kun would be aware of these plans?"

"Yeah, it works both ways" Gin said cheerily, as they rounded the next corridor back to Aizen's throne room. "Ya get Sereitei's plans and a new follower."

Aizen thought. "And no doubt this benefits you as well."

Gin chuckled. "I can't deny that it'd be nice ta have a baby around here."

"And are you sure of the boys allegiance?" Aizen asked.

"Never been more sure a anythin'" Gin answered promptly.

Aizen nodded. He'd seen the two together, and Kira was all but Gin's shadow, hanging on every word that came out of the man's mouth.

If Kira were to come, Aizen doubted he would pose a problem.

As they entered the throne room, Aizen smiled. "Well then Gin," he glanced back at him. "You have my permission to bring Kira-kun here."

If possible, Gin's smile got wider. "Thank you, Aizen-sama! You're a great man."

Taking his place on his throne, Aizen replied. "Yes, I know."

X X X

The night was warm once again, and the noises in the air seemed smothered by the comfortable heat suspended around the Sereitei.

Gin entered Izuru's room earlier than usual, when the night had only just turned completely black.

He had told Izuru he would come back the next night, and upon entering, it seemed as though Izuru had tried to stay awake for him.

The blond was still fully dressed, hunched over the small desk in the corner, fast asleep.

Gin chuckled and walked up beside the sleeping boy, placing a hand, letting his fingers comb through flaxen strands.

"Izuru..." he whispered his words sing-song-ing into the blond's ear. "Wake uuuup…"

A dark blue eye cracked open. "Hm…?"

"Hello there" Gin greeted.

Izuru sat up, groaning. "Ugh, Gin" he said, his voice still drunk with sleep. "…I fell asleep."

"Well, duh."

Laughing softly, Izuru brought a hand up to his forehead. "I thought working would help me stay awake. Looks like I was mistaken."

"They can't all be good ideas" Gin said, taking his shoulders and guiding him up towards the almost painfully made futon. "Now sit on something before your spine curves."

Izuru sat against the wall, his knees brought up towards his chest, looking tiredly down at his hands.

"Well," Gin said, sitting beside him, stretching his legs out. "I talked to Aizen-sama."

"What did he say?" Izuru asked quietly.

"He'd be tickled pink to have ya stay with us!"

"…were those his exact words?"

"Almost. But isn't this great?" Gin asked, smile wide with excitement. "Ya can come with me tonight."

Izuru rubbed his stomach. "Tonight?"

"Yeah!"

"Could we wait one more day?"

Gin's smile turned down a notch. "Sure. But why?"

"I want to see my friends one more time" Izuru said, eye still tiredly focused on his stomach.

Gin shrugged. "Kay. Makes enough sense."

Izuru silently sat, fully awake now.

Reaching over, Gin put his hand on the bump. "Are you excited?"

"I want to be with you. It doesn't matter to me where we are, as long as I can be beside you." Izuru looked at him, a tender glaze to his eyes.

"And we'll be together forever. The three a us" Gin said, leaning forward and softly kissing the perpetually frowning lips.

Izuru accepted it, thinking in the space of reacting. "There are more of us."

"Huh?" Gin looked down at his stomach. "Ya got more in there?"

"No" Izuru said, smiling lightly. "I mean, we won't be alone, will we? There will be… arrancars there."

"You say it like it's a shock."

Izuru put his head against the wall. "I guess I just feel like a traitor."

Gin frowned. "Izuru, ya need to understand somethin'. If ya come with me, ya will be a traitor, and you'll probably never walk back through these doors again. Ya will have to swear yourself to the enemy, and fight your closest friends."

Izuru's eyes were downcast as he thought. Taking a deep breath and swallowing, he nodded slowly.

"Alright."

Gin opened his eyes to gaze steadily at him. "I want ya to be positively sure."

Izuru looked back at him, matching his steady blue gaze. "I am prepared to do what I have to do to be with you, and to keep our baby safe."

Gin's smile returned with full force. "That makes two a us."

A smile weaved tiredly onto Izuru's face, and for a few moments there was silence before a small groan escaped his lips.

"Ya all right?" Gin asked worriedly.

"Yes, just a little nauseous."

"Ah, so I guess ya won't want to be… foolin' around tonight." Gin said, almost licking his lips but deciding he'd look like Nnoitra if he did.

Laughing quietly, Izuru looked at him, apologetic. "I'm sorry."

"S'alright" Gin shrugged.

"I've missed it, you know."

"Almost as much as ya missed me, right?"

"Of course."

Gin leaned over towards him, pulling their lips together.

No matter how many times they did this, it was always just as addicting.

A kiss always led to something better.

Licks turn to bites.

Gasps turn to moans.

And touches turn to something so much more.

Faced with the knowledge that he could go no farther than kisses and caresses that night, Gin was prepared to pull back from the kiss.

Izuru put his arms around Gin's neck, pulling him closer, before leaning back to lie down, Gin on top of him.

Bewildered, Gin pulled back.

"Thought ya wanted to take it slow." Gin said, breathing a bit faster in this familiar position.

"I want you to kiss me, Gin" Izuru said, breathlessly. "Please kiss me."

Gin wasted no time in fulfilling this request.

Crushing their lips together, the older male began to run down Izuru's sides and over the bump, then back up to caress his neck.

"Mm…" Izuru moaned, putting one leg around Gin's waist.

A tongue prodded at his lips, and Izuru gladly accepted the muscle into his mouth, where it began to dance with his own tongue.

A palette of tastes was yielded between them. Sour, sweet, the ever present touch of salt…

Even as they pulled back for air, Izuru kept his arms around Gin's neck.

"Gin," he whispered. "Will you stay with me tonight?"

"I have to be gone by morning" Gin said, moving to lie beside him.

"Until I fall asleep then?" Izuru asked.

Smile softening, Gin nodded. "Okay."

He pulled Izuru to him, letting the blond rest his head on his chest.

Izuru put an arm around his chest, the bump resting between them wordlessly.

Gin's hands rested gently on his back as it rose and fell calmly.

"We're gonna have a baby, 'Zuru" he whispered. "A real baby…"

"Mmhm…" Izuru agreed, slipping away into unconsciousness.

X X X

The next day was sunny. The sky was cloudless and incandescently blue, illuminating the ground below.

Izuru had woken up uncharacteristically early.

The sun had just been making its way to its perch when he had awoken to find himself alone in his bed, with only a few silver hairs to remind him that Gin had been there at all.

As he sat and watched the sun go up into the sky, he pondered just what he was supposed to do.

The idea of leaving the Sereitei forever did not seem as hard as it otherwise should have.

He would not regret or miss the paperwork, or the fussy squad, or always being looked on as the poor lost puppy that was kicked very unceremoniously to the curb.

What he would miss were his friends.

So the logical solution should be to spend as much time with them as he could before sunset.

Sighing, Izuru stepped into the sunlight, frowning as it shot directly into his exposed eye.

How will it be to live without sunlight?

Would he miss it?

It would be different, of that he was positive.

No sunlight, no life, and no friends.

The question that kept surfacing in his mind was: _Are you insane?_

Sometimes he liked to think that he was, just to give himself an excuse for acting the way that he did.

Only an insane person could be betrayed, heartbroken, and impregnated, and then in almost a heartbeat, agree to follow the man responsible for all three to a land of death.

If anyone knew of this…

But they will.

Once he leaves, Izuru is sure to be missed quickly, if not by his friends then by his division members. Then the ideas would start and flood together like a tempest of speculation.

And then there were the arrancars. The arrancars who were sure to view him as Ichimaru's little pet, who was convinced to blindly follow the fox into enemy territory where he could possibly be killed.

Fantastic, he hasn't even gone yet and already he's begun to pick apart his reputation.

It was still relatively quiet out, though there were a few stray shinigami shuffling about to begin early morning training.

Izuru walked along aimlessly, trying to take in everything he saw for the future when he would need it.

He didn't bother with looking where he was going, because he didn't plan on going back to the Third much today.

Today he had to focus on seeing everyone he could.

"Hey, Kira-kun!" a very familiar feminine voice called out.

Turning, Izuru was met with the sight of Rangiku hurrying towards him with a large smile on her face.

Hurrying did very odd things to her upper torso, and Izuru found himself fighting off blush.

"Good morning, Matsumoto-san" he greeted. "You're up early."

"Yeah, couldn't sleep." She said, stopping beside him. "You know how it is."

Izuru nodded, detecting the slight bags underneath her eyes.

"Anyways," she said, with a dismissive toss of her hair. "What are you doing near the Tenth this morning?"

"I was just taking a walk" Izuru said, giving her a small smile.

"Mind if I join you?" she asked. "If you say no I'll have to go in early."

Well aware of the voluptuous woman's hatred of work, Izuru nodded. "Alright."

Rangiku smiled. "Good. I haven't seen you in a while" she said as they began to walk.

"I know. I haven't seen much of anyone lately."

Truthfully, that was due to not just his declining mental happiness, but also the fact that he was trying to hide his growing belly from the public for as long as possible. If anyone had caught sight of the bump, the storm he'd been trying to avoid would break loose.

"I know. _We_ know." Rangiku said, frowning lightly.

Izuru smiled sheepishly. "I take it that others have noticed as well?"

"Well, obviously! You can't just disappear for months and have nobody notice." she said.

"I'm sorry about that. I've been very busy since… Ichimaru-taicho left."

Rangiku stiffened, and Izuru regretted mentioning Gin immediately.

"I'm sorry, Matsumoto-san, I shouldn't have–" Izuru began.

"No, don't apologize Kira-kun." She said, shaking her head and letting her hair swish around her face. "It's time I got over it."

"He was your friend."

"I know, but…" she faltered for a moment, almost losing her nerve, then regaining it. "But he's toxic. Cutting him out of my life for good is something I need to do to get past him."

Izuru smiled. "You make it sound so easy."

Rangiku smiled back at him. "I know I do. But it's not."

"I know." Izuru assented.

"And I know you do. And," she looked at him with a sincere glitter to her eyes. "Kira-kun, I'm…you know, I'm very proud of you."

Izuru's eyes widened and he felt his feet cease movement. "Proud of me? Why?"

"Because you're taking this whole thing very well. I know it must have been hard for you at first, but you look…much better now."

Izuru smiled inwardly. She probably meant to say he looked a bit bigger.

"And you seem…happier today than I've seen you in a while." Rangiku said, smiling brightly, before laughing. "I sound so corny don't I?"

Izuru shook his head. "Of course not, Matsumoto-san."

"But really, seeing you like this makes me realize that I've spent too much time thinking over all of this. It's time to let Gin go" she finished resolutely.

Izuru fought to keep smiling. What was she going to think if she found out what he was doing?"

Getting knocked up by a traitor then running away with him.

She sure wouldn't be proud of him then.

"Matsumoto-san-" he started.

"Matsumoto-fukutaicho!" a voice called out anxiously.

Turning, they saw a very skittish looking Tenth Division member skid to a stop in front of them.

"H-Hitsugaya-taicho is looking for you" he said, trying to catch his breath. "He doesn't s-seem happy…"

Rangiku rolled her eyes. "He's _never_ happy." She smiled back at Izuru, "Guess we'll have to talk another time, huh?"

"I'd love that, Matsumoto-san" Izuru said as brightly as possible.

"Good. I'll see you later, Kira-kun" Rangiku said, giving him a smile before setting off to find her captain.

Izuru watched her go with sad eyes, almost wanting to call her back.

X X X

Away from most human contact was where Izuru found he worked the best.

So he found the place by the river, where he was protected by the curtains of leaves that surrounded him, and was shielded from anyone that glanced towards him. It wasn't a particularly beautiful place, as all that grew there were trees and long, thick vines.

But the trees were tall, and branched out to embrace one another, their leaves creating a thick, velvety barrier between him and his troubles.

This was where he came to be inspired, where he came to be alone, and, more so in the past months, to try and forget.

Today he came to say goodbye.

The ground beneath him was still moistened with dew, and moisture still clung to the leaves that hung low to the ground. From high above, a few solitary drops of water fell to land on either the leafy ground, or onto Izuru's upturned face.

Sighing, Izuru closed his eyes.

It had always been so quiet here, so undisturbed. He could speak to Wabisuke for a long time in this place, simply because the world seemed easier here.

There would be no place like this in Hueco Mundo.

"I thought I would find you here."

A gasp reverberated through the trees, and Izuru's eyes shot open to search around the enclosed area for the source of the voice.

He found it in the form of a very familiar head of spiked red hair.

"Abarai-kun!" Izuru gasped, putting a hand on his chest. "You surprised me."

"Mm, sorry." Renji said, not looking sorry at all. "Not my fault that you jump at every little thing like a rabbit."

"I jumped because I wasn't expecting you." Izuru defended, "What are you doing here anyway?"

"I was looking for you, if you want the honest truth." Renji said, approaching his sitting form, twigs and leaves cracking under his feet.

Izuru raised an eyebrow. "Why would you be looking for me?"

"Because I want to drug and kill you." Renji said, sarcasm dripping off his words.

"…my sarcasm senses are tingling." Izuru said, giving a small smile.

"Well, no shit." Renji rolled his eyes, sitting down beside him. "The ground is wet…"

"I noticed."

"Is this where you've been hiding all these months?"

Izuru grimaced. "I have not been _hiding_."

"Then what the hell have you been doing, Kira?" Renji asked. "I haven't seen you for months!"

"I've been very busy, Abarai-kun." Izuru said, looking down at his hands. "I haven't had a lot of free time."

"I know that. But I've been worried about you."

"Everyone worries about me, and I'm telling you that there is nothing to worry about."

Renji sighed. "It's not like you tell me these things anymore, Kira."

"I told you, there's been a lot going on." Izuru said, leaning forward and trying to obscure his stomach.

"Hinamori's been busy too, but she still makes sure people know she's alive." Renji countered, "She's been looking for you too, you know."

"I've been told that everyone was."

"Can you pretend you care for just one minute?"

Izuru bit his lip. "I do care. I'm trying to care about a lot of different things all at once right now, and sometimes even the most important things get pushed back. But I do care about everyone."

Renji gave him a grin and put a hand on his shoulder. "Hinamori will be glad to hear that. I asked her to meet up here."

Izuru frowned. "Today?"

"Today."

"Here?"

"Here." Renji nodded, "She knows where we are. We've been scouting this area for weeks looking for you."

"I truly am sorry for worrying you so much, Abarai-kun." Izuru said, keeping his gaze lowered.

Renji shrugged. "Just don't do it again, we missed you."

Izuru looked at him curiously. "You really did?"

"Yeah. You're the jump rabbit leg in our little table." Renji said, lying back on the leaves. "We can't stand without you."

Izuru lost all of his nerve for one moment and threw all thought of leaving the Sereitei out of his mind.

A simple look down at his stomach brought them all flooding back.

"And Kira?" Renji said, putting his arms behind his head.

"Yes?" Izuru asked quietly.

"The minute Hisagi gets back you need to go see him."

"Why? Has something happened?"

"Nothing but thinking about you. He wants to know you're alright."

"Was he worried?" Izuru questioned, looking down at his red haired friend.

"We've had this conversation, _everyone _was worried." Renji cracked an eye open. "Nobody could find you. You were either 'Not to be disturbed' in your office or locked in your room. What you do when you're not working and sleeping is what I want to know."

"Well…I've been ill as well."

That was the truth. Ever since learning of his pregnancy, nausea had been striking him at all times of the day.

"You work too hard."

"I have to. If I didn't the squad would fall apart." Izuru said, looking back up at the bright sky. "That's what happens when you don't have a captain anymore."

Renji frowned. "You can ask for help, you know."

"I don't need it."

"The boy who avoids his friends for months because he's working and gets himself sick from pushing himself too hard is refusing help? What a surprise." Renji rolled his eyes.

Behind the leafy curtain, a female voice called out: "Hello? Abarai-kun?"

"Over here, Hinamori" Renji called, closing his eyes.

With a small sound of surprise, Momo stumbled into the clearing.

Having the grace to blush slightly, she found it in her to give the two men a smile. "Hell Abarai-kun, Kira-kun."

"Hey" Renji greeted.

"Hello Hinamori" Izuru said, giving his best smile, though inside he was shaking.

Since the betrayal, he had never fully forgiven himself for the part he had played, though she had told him she had forgiven him long ago.

She looked brighter, happier, more alive than he had seen her in a while.

Almost as though there had been no Aizen.

But there had been. Ander her eyes still held a deep set sadness and loss.

He wondered how his own eyes looked.

"Have you two been here long?" she asked, sitting beside them.

"No, I was here just a few minutes before Abarai-kun popped up." Izuru said, glancing down at his smirking friend. "As he is prone to do."

"Good. I got a little lost." She said bashfully.

"That's alright; even I get a little lost around here sometimes." Izuru said, hoping he sounded reassuring.

"Which is odd, considering how often you're out here" Renji said, smiling.

"That doesn't make it any easier not to get lost" Izuru protested, noticing Momo looking at him intently. "Um…is there something on my face Hinamori?"

Momo caught herself. "Oh, no Kira-kun! I was just…I haven't seen you in a while."

"Did you forget my face?" Izuru asked his tone thankfully light.

"No, of course not" Momo protested. "But you look…better."

Bigger.

Pregnant bigger.

"I'm glad you say that, Hinamori. I was thinking the same of you" Izuru said. "Although you always look perfectly lovely to me."

Momo blushed and looked away.

Renji snickered. "Cheese meister…"

"What?" Izuru asked. "I was only stating a fact."

"That's very sweet of you, Kira-kun." Momo said, smiling with her face still pink.

"Yeah, and you are just a _vision_ today, Kira" Renji said sarcastically. "Seriously, my eyes are about to burst out of their damn sockets in a testament to your beauty."

It was Izuru's turn to blush.

"Don't tease him, Abarai-kun" Momo said, still smiling slightly.

"Well, that's what he gets for lowering the testosterone in the general area" Renji said, sitting up on his elbows.

"No, it's alright" Izuru said, a teasing smile on his lips. "I think you're just jealous that I'm a vision today."

Momo put a hand over her mouth to conceal her giggles.

Renji scowled, "Now you just sound like Ayasegawa."

Izuru shuddered. "Please don't say that."

Renji chuckled. "Oh man, thank God we weren't in school with him and Madarame."

"Don't be so mean, Abarai-kun." Momo scolded, trying to look stern but still smiling. "They're…alright."

"You don't need to be so polite, they ain't here" Renji said. "Feel free to tell us how many times Ayasegawa has offered you a makeover, Kira."

"About six." Izuru smiled.

"And if those two didn't scream 'the ambiguously gay duo', I don't know what does." Renji smirked.

Momo hit him lightly on the shoulder. "Abarai-kun!"

"Just stating a fact" Renji said, innocently.

Momo shook her head. "You just make me so mad sometimes."

"And you mad is terrifying" Renji said. "Kira mad on the other hand…"

Izuru frowned. "And what is that supposed to mean?"

Renji sniggered. "No one is funnier when they're pissed off than you."

"You've never seen me pissed off."

"And I'm certain you're just as humorous then as you are today." Momo said, patting his shoulder.

"What are you saying? I'm hilarious." Izuru said, looking at her.

"…When?" Renji asked.

Momo burst into a series of giggles that not even her hand could hold back, while Izuru and Renji found it in them to begin to laugh at the girl's childish laughter.

And soon the normally quiet space was filled with noise.

Through his laughter, it seemed to Izuru that for a moment they were nothing but freshman again.

X X X

Twilight settled on the Sereitei with its usual quiet grace.

Noise diminished and movement slowed, and the last true rays of sunlight flickered directly into the Third Division.

After Izuru had left Renji and Momo in the late afternoon, he had wandered reluctantly back to the Third, where he had signed away a few important papers, and began to discretely pack away the rest of his things.

The idea that soon the room would be filled with two vacant desks enlarged the traitorous hole that was growing in his heart.

He shut the drawer holding his now packed away utensils and papers with a satisfying click.

Everybody he had wanted to say goodbye to was accounted for, except Shuuhei, who had been dispatched to the world of the living for two weeks.

Izuru looked around the office, a hand resting subconsciously on his stomach.

A baby.

Something he thought he would have to do alone. To feed alone, to teach alone, to raise alone, to protect alone, and to love alone.

But all those thoughts were now happily banished from his mind as the sun sank lower in the sky.

By tonight he would belong, once again, to Gin.

Like he'd always wanted.

A knock echoed through the room, and Izuru sighed. Of course, something would go wrong now.

He opened the door expecting to see a member of his division ready to pester him about this or that.

What he opened the door on instead was Shuuhei Hisagi.

Taking a surprised step back, Izuru exclaimed, "Hisagi-"

"Don't even think of calling me Hisagi-san, you know it bugs me." Shuuhei said, taking the opportunity to step inside.

"What are you doing here?" Izuru asked, sliding the door shut. "I thought you would be gone for another week."

"So did I" he said, taking a seat on Izuru's near empty desk. "Got back early and decided to see if you were up to some human contact."

Izuru pinked slightly.

"But I checked your room, and you were AWOL, so I figured you would be here."

"Yeah, sorry about that" Izuru said, returning to his desk and taking a seat behind it. "I had to finish some things up here."

"I see that" Shuuhei said, looking around at the near immaculate office. "You planning on going somewhere?"

"No! I mean…no, why would you say that?" Izuru asked, as calmly as possible.

"It's kind of freakishly clean in here. Like you were packing."

"Well no." Izuru said, shaking his head. "I'm staying right here."

"Good. We haven't talked in a while." Shuuhei said, turning his head to look at the blond behind the desk.

Oh not this again.

"I know." Izuru nodded, "I've been getting that from all sides today, Shuuhei."

"As you should." Shuuhei said, "It was a long time."

"Once again, I've been hearing it." Izuru sighed, putting his arms onto the desk. "What's been going on with you?"

In hindsight, he shouldn't have asked that.

Proof of how long he'd gone without being around his friend was found as he'd forgotten exactly how long and how in-depth his friends story telling could be.

The sky got darker as the words flew past.

And yet Izuru couldn't bring himself to leave. Knowing that this was the last time he was ever going to see his best friend was…

That thought nearly brought him to tears.

Shuuhei had been there whenever he needed him; to comfort, to speak to, to motivate, and to laugh with. He was leaving the man who had been his rock for so many years, and thrusting himself headlong onto an unknown path.

"I feel like we should be doing something." Shuuhei said, thoughtfully. "You want to go out or something?"

Izuru was about to say yes when he realized two things.

You don't drink when you're up the spout.

He needed to get his things together before Gin came for him.

"Oh no, I couldn't." Izuru shook his head. "I have to be up early tomorrow."

"Hm" Shuuhei shrugged, not visibly disappointed.

"In fact, I should get going" Izuru said, reluctantly standing.

Shuuhei stood after him. "I'll walk you home."

Izuru couldn't bring himself to refuse the last moments he would have with his friend, so together they walked into the darkened night.

The sky had just gone from navy to black, illuminating the stars above, and sharply silhouetting the buildings stretching out before them.

Silence blossomed between them, but it seemed that they deemed it more fulfilling than words.

But finally:

"Kira?"

"Yes?"

Shuuhei looked at him with a look that seemed to scream that he knew just what Izuru was planning, and for a moment he was scared out of his mind.

"You know you can tell me anything right?"

Izuru fought not to gasp. He knew.

What if he knew?

He wasn't being discreet at all. Clean office, needing to get home early…

"I know I can, Shuuhei" Izuru said, looking back at him. "I know…you're my best friend."

"And you're mine." Shuuhei said, stopping shortly. "And that's why you can't do this again."

"Do what?"

"Force yourself to be alone. You're my best friend, and I'm supposed to protect you."

Izuru's eyes widened with feeling, and he went forward to wrap his arms around Shuuhei's shoulders as reluctant tears began to spill from his eyes.

Shuuhei wrapped his arms around his friend's softly trembling form. "Hey, it's okay…its okay…"

"I'm sorry" Izuru whispered through his tears. He wasn't sure whether he was apologizing for his absence or for the coming hurt. "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry, Shu…"

The arms tightened around him and Izuru couldn't stop his tears.

"Calm down…its okay…" Shuuhei's voice was whispering.

Izuru tightened his grip, wanting to hold on until the very last moment, and still carry Shuuehei's earthy scent on his clothes.

"I love you, Shuuhei" Izuru whispered.

"I love you too, Kira" Shuuhei said softly, one hand running through golden strands.

Everything he'd ever wanted to say to his friend rushed forward in a monstrous wave that he narrowly choked back as he felt a familiar stream of reiatsu approaching.

With a small strangled gasp, Izuru moved hastily out of Shuuhei's arms, looking at him with blurry eyes.

"I…I have to go" Izuru choked out. "I'm sorry."

Shuuhei reached out a hand. "Izuru-"

If he hadn't torn himself away from the soft gaze encompassing him, Izuru knew all of his resolve would have shattered.

So he turned his tearstained face away and began to run.

He ran from his friends.

He ran from his responsibility.

He ran away from every comfort the world had given him.

And when he reached his division, he burst into his room and fell into the arms of a man that offered, what he hoped; was so much more.

X X X

And there you have it! I know its way longer than the first, but I quite like it so be gentle.

Hope you guys enjoyed it! Review!


	3. The Killing Moon

MP: I am living off of a cookie and willpower at this precise time. So, I' won't even bother with this note. Hit it with the disclaimer.

Cee: Madam doesn't own Bleach, its characters, its plot, affiliates, its merchandise, or anything even remotely connected to Bleach (besides a sword).

MP: Story starts now.

X X X

"_In starlit nights I saw you, so cruelly you kissed me. Your lips a magic world, your sky all hung with jewels. The Killing Moon will come too soon."_

The espada were not known to be particularly patient or understanding.

One did not keep them waiting. And yet, it was something Aizen never tired of.

No matter what they were doing, whether it was sleeping or engaging in carnal activities, he could call them away and they would come running for him.

Because God does not wait.

On this particular day/night, he'd left them waiting for 25 minutes, and tension in the room had begun to boil.

"Come **ON**!" Grimmjow roared, hitting the table and making it tremble, successfully waking Stark up from his ritualistic snooze.

"Oh, control yourself" Szayel groaned, rubbing his temple where a headache had begun.

"Shut the fuck up, Granz. Nobody cares what you think." Nnoitra sighed, head propped up on a long skeletal arm.

"That's not what you were saying last night" Szayel smirked.

Nnoitra's single eye narrowed and he sat a bit straighter. "You better watch yourself, Granz. Or else-"

"What? You'll get Tesla to beat me up? I'm shaking" the pink-haired scientist rolled his eyes.

Nnoitra towered up from the table, eye blazing. "I'll kick your ass myself, you-"

"That's enough" Ulquiorra's cool monotone broke in. "From both of you."

"Aw, what's the matter Schiffer?" Grimmjow smirked, leaning forward. "Is the noise…BOTHERING YOU?" he yelled across the table.

"Yeah," Nnoitra grinned. "IS IT BUGGIN' YA?"

And soon half the table was engaging in a contest to see whose yell could annoy the stoic arrancar more.

This continued on until Aizen decided to make his grand entrance.

Which was not actually as grand, seeing as no one was paying attention to the door, and instead was focused on Nnoitra, who 10 seconds before Aizen walked in, had launched himself across the table at Szayel.

The room was filled with screaming as everyone left their seats and began to fight amongst each other, excluding Ulquiorra, who had mentally checked out, and Stark, who had fallen back asleep.

"Everybody. Peace."

Aizen's voice cut through the wall of sound like water through cracks in the floor, and it only took a few seconds for everyone to shuffle awkwardly back to their seats.

Taking his seat at the head of the table, Aizen cast disapproving looks all around the table.

"I would appreciate it if the next time you are all alone together; you would abstain from assaulting each other."

A small mutter ran across the table.

"Excuse me, Aizen-sama" Haribel said softly. "But why is Ichimaru-sama absent?"

Several pairs of eyes flicked to look over Aizen's right shoulder, where Gin usually stood.

"That is precisely what I'm here to speak to you about." Aizen said, smiling all around the table. "Gin is out on a personal errand."

"Is he getting shampoo?" Szayel questioned.

"No, it has nothing to do with hair care" Aizen said calmly. "Gin is presently in the Sereitei, and he is bringing his former lieutenant back with him."

A thick net of silence settled over them.

"…why?" Grimmjow asked, frowning.

"Because it has reached his knowledge that the boy in question is pregnant."

And just like that, the silence was gone.

"A male pregnancy?" Szayel said' eyes wide with excitement. "Ooh, I'll have to look into this!"

"I've never heard of such a thing." Haribel said, her green eyes registering surprise.

"But ain't a guy missin' some….things that you need to-" Yammy began, confusion spread across his large features.

"I haven't looked into it myself yet" Aizen silenced. "The reason I've called you all here is to tell you that you are all to treat out guest as you would treat Kaname, Gin, or me. You are all to be on your best behavior. Understood?"

"Yes, Aizen-sama" a chorus of voices said in unison.

"Good" Aizen said, standing. "You are all dismissed."

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, chairs were pushed back and everyone began to file out the door, all pondering in their minds why Aizen had them wait 25 minutes for what was essentially a 5 minute meeting.

X X X

It was…

Bland.

It was colorless and unimaginative and everything he expected it to be.

Compared to the colorful Sereitei, Los Noches was bone dry in the creativity department.

As Gin led him down the long hallway, Izuru thought he must be the most colorful thing within a five mile radius.

He held a small bag full of his few pathetic possessions, face still slightly pink from his recent batch of tears. His eyes were wide as he took in the almost intimidating high ceilinged hallway, which was gaunt and painful in its whiteness.

Gin stopped outside of a fairly large door.

"This is it?" Izuru asked.

"Yeah" Gin answered, opening the door without another word, gesturing Izuru inside with a small wave of his hand.

The room was only slightly less bright than the hallway, and seemed only slightly less white.

The walls were a light, almost unnoticeable blue. There were no windows to distract away from the blandness of the room, letting every sharp contour of the high ceiling stick out.

There was a small table with two chairs in the center of the room, a small white sofa pushed against the wall, and an armchair across from, almost as an afterthought.  
>Though, the entire room could be considered an afterthought.<p>

There was a bed pushed against the far wall, with white sheets and a pale blue blanket thrown over them.

Gin watched Izuru survey the room with his usual smile stretching across his face. "Was it everything you thought it would be?"

Izuru looked at him, and gave that small pale smile that instantly made Gin want to crush their lips together. "Almost exactly as I thought."

Taking the blonds hand, Gin pulled him further into the room. "Ya can put your things away, then you'll need ta change your clothes."

"My clothes?"

"Ya can't walk around here dressed like that" Gin said, peeking out at Izuru's black shinigami robes. "You're not a shinigami anymore."

Izuru took a deep breath, nodding.

"I borrowed some clothes outta storage, so ya can wear those until we can get ya some new ones."

"Alright."

Gin stopped by the bed, turning to tightly embrace him. "Ya know everything will be alright now, don't ya?"

Izuru leaned tiredly into the embrace, wishing for nothing more than to fall asleep in Gin's embrace and forget. "I'm so tired, Gin…"

"You'll be able ta sleep soon" Gin kissed the top of his head. "But I gotta go tell Aizen-sama that we're back, then he'll be wantin' ta see ya."

Sighing, Izuru nodded again.

Gin gently pulled away, and began top stride to the door. "Put your stuff anywhere, and then get changed. I don't think you'll be needin' your zanpakuto for this."

As Gin left, Izuru spilled the contents of his bag onto the pale expanse of the bed. There were a few thick books, a small leather bound journal, socks, and most of his necessary frivolities.

The most important item in the bag was a small square piece of paper with a spindly drawing of a tree in plain black ink.

Not much to put away, but enough to make him feel at home.

Home.

Was this white, towering, monstrosity really his home now?

This was a place more suited for caged birds, and, not to put too melodramatic a point on it, but that was how he felt.

But he swore to himself that he would not feel guilt.

He could survive here.

He could…

All he needed to do was convince Gin to let him put some color in this room.

X X X

The Aizen that sat on the throne was not the Aizen that Izuru remembered.

Not only did his memory Aizen have glasses, but he also sported a much more normal looking hairstyle, and would have had a warm, familiar smile at the ready.

This Aizen…was different.

He first saw him perched upon his throne, peering down at him with hard calculating eyes, like a vulture eyeing a warm body.

It was hard for Izuru to imagine the Aizen that he had known in those stone eyes.

"Hello, Kira-kun" Aizen greeted.

Dear God, even his _voice_ had frozen over!

It was as though the warm, welcoming Aizen-taicho had never even existed.

Beside him, Gin looked as though there had never been a change, and for all Izuru knew, there never had been.

Izuru blinked up at this new Aizen. "Hello…Aizen-sama."

Saying it felt so unnatural.

Standing in this stone throne room felt unnatural, and wearing these awful constricting white clothes felt unnatural.

Nothing about this place was real.

"I was pleased when I heard that you would be coming to stay with us" Aizen continued, as though he hadn't heard Izuru's pathetic excuse for a greeting. "I offer my congratulations on the news of your pregnancy."

"Thank you, Aizen-sama."

"I hope you find that living in Los Noches can be an enjoyable experience. My men have been told you are coming, and you should be meeting them soon."

Izuru instinctively put a hand over the bump. He had been planning on avoiding Aizen's men for as long as he possibly could.

Apparently that was no longer an option.

"I think that was all ya needed ta say, wasn't it Aizen-sama?" Gin asked.

"Indeed it was, Gin" Aizen smiled.

"Then I'll be takin' Izuru back ta the room so he can sleep. Been a long day, y'know?" Gin said, taking Izuru's elbow and beginning to steer him out the door.

"Just a moment, Gin" Aizen held up a hand and stood up from the throne. "I would like to have a moment alone with Kira-kun."

Gin's smile flickered, but remained in place. "Sure, if Izuru is alright."

Izuru nodded hesitantly. "Go" he said quietly, "I'll be fine."

Smile ticking ever-downward, Gin left the room reluctantly.

Trying not to shake as Aizen descended the throne; Izuru couldn't help but note that even the very way Aizen carried himself had drastically changed.

"Relax, I only wish to speak to you" Aizen's smooth voice wafted over him as the man came to stand in front of him.

"Y-Yes, Aizen-sama" Izuru said, feeling smothered as the closeness of the overlord.

"I know you must be nervous, things being the way they are" Aizen said, his tone glazed with melting ice. "But you have no reason to be."

"Oh?"

"Yes. I've told my men of your arrival and they will act…welcoming. And you may approach me at any time with any questions that you may have."

Somehow Izuru doubted that he would EVER go to Aizen for help.

"And in regards to your…pregnancy" Aizen glanced down at his barely concealed bump. "You needn't worry about the medical aspect. My Octavo espada is very skilled in matters such as those, despite his many…eccentricities."

Oh dear God, an arrancar was going to be operating on him…

He would almost rather Kurotsuchi-taicho prodding at his belly.

_Almost_.

"I recommend that you see him soon. Tomorrow if possible" Aizen continued. "You'll find out all the necessary information."

"I will" Izuru nodded. "Was…that all?" he asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.

"Just one more thing" Aizen said, his eyes spitting fire into Izuru's terrified ones. "Gin's happiness is very important to me, so I'll be frank."

He put a hand on Izuru's shoulder, squeezing softly.

"I would appreciate it if you would cooperate with anything that is asked for you, as a favor to me."

Izuru smiled numbly. "Of course."

His voice and his knees were ready to give out.

"And, I hate to be so demanding on your first day, but it is very necessary for me to ask this."

He took one of Izuru's hands in between both of his, his dark brown eyes threatening to swallow him whole. "Do you swear your allegiance to me and only me?"

The blood in Izuru's veins froze, and a lump in his throat appeared.

Was he really going to do this?

It seemed as though everyone in the Sereitei was gripping onto him, whispering "_traitor, traitor…_"

Aizen's grip on his hand tightened.

"I do."

He hadn't meant to make it sound so dramatic, but it did feel that way in his heart.

And just like that, there was nothing left to hold him back.

Aizen smiled at him.

"You swear to serve me to your highest potential?"

"Yes."

"You swear to fight in my name?"

"Yes."

"You swear to protect your home with all you have?"

"Yes."

"And you swear to condemn all those who threaten your brothers and sisters?"

"Yes."

Izuru felt suddenly free. All the strings that had been tying him to the Sereitei were abruptly cut, and there was nothing behind him to call him back.

Now it seemed that he could only move forward.

Aizen smiled his old Aizen-taicho smile at him. "You will do fine here, Kira-kun. I'm sure of it" he turned and began to walk back up to his throne. "You are dismissed."

Izuru wasn't sure whether he should bow or not, so he bobbed into a quick one before saying a hasty; "Thank you, Aizen-sama."

He hurried out the door, shutting it behind him with a reverberating echo.

"Everything go well?"

Turning, Izuru made out the pale form of Gin leaning against the equally pale wall.

Nodding, he silently made his way over to Gin and let the man put his arms around him.

"Ready ta go back?"

Another silent nod.

Gin took his arm and began to lead him down one identical hallway after another, all the while letting the silence entrap them. Izuru had a feeling he was going to be getting lost around here quite frequently.

The blond was beginning to succumb to his mental exhaustion, and Gin had long since found it best never to ask what Aizen had said or done, letting the silence speak for itself.

The room was as it had been when they left, the only difference being a black bundle of Shinigami robes discarded near the wardrobe.

And, just as silently as ever, Izuru was pulled into a kiss, which he didn't brush off.

He felt his exhaustion melt away at the familiar feel of Gin's lips against his, opening his mouth to deepen it and letting his arms find their place around Gin's neck.

And, for the first time in what seemed like a lifetime, they joined together.

Most importantly, they slept deeply with the knowledge that they would not wake up alone.

X X X

"I'm not really comfortable with this" Izuru said, letting Gin lead him down the hall towards a large door with a small gothic 8 inscribed on it.

"Ya don't need ta be nervous" Gin reassured. "I mean, Szayel can be a fruitcake when he wants ta be, but I'll be there ta make sure he don' probe ya."

Izuru's frown deepened and he brushed his hair out of his face.

"I like your hair like that" Gin commented.

"I forgot to pack my hair gel" Izuru said, grimacing. "Now it's all…down and uncontrollable…"

Gin stopped before the door, and pecked him on the forehead. "Ya look lovely. And I'm sure Szayel will love ya."

Taking a deep breath, Izuru nodded. "Okay, ready as I'll ever be."

Smile widening, Gin didn't bother knocking on the door as he pushed it open and walked in, letting Izuru follow behind him.

With large eyes, Izuru looked around and beheld Szayel's lab.

It was dark in here. Or, darker than the other few places he had seen.

When his eyes adjusted, Izuru could make out the fact that the large room _seemed _clean at first glance. But on the second look he took around the room, he could see the half hazard way the scientific devices were strewn about the various countertops. Many of them were fairly sharp with needles sticking out of them, Izuru noted with fear.

On one wall, it seemed at first to be wallpaper, but looking closer, Izuru saw once again that it was not what it seemed.

In the place of wallpaper, it was row upon row of white paper files.

Now, seeing the hundreds upon hundreds of files lined from wall to wall and floor to ceiling, Izuru realized the magnitude of Aizen's army.

"Oh Szayel-chaaaan!" Gin called playfully into the dark depths of the lab.

An audible groan met them.

"Ah, my favorite dictator" footsteps approached. "To what do I owe the honor of your shining-" The words were cut off as Szayel rounded the corner. "Ooooh…"

If Aizen's entire army looked anything like this, then Izuru's fears about meeting them could be instantly banished.

This man had pink hair…and glasses…and looked like a female…

Izuru couldn't help the smile that wormed onto his face.

Szayel sauntered over, taking in Izuru's form with his constantly calculating eyes. "Well, well, well. Are _you_ what all the fuss was about?"

Blood bloomed into Izuru's cheeks.

Gin put an arm around his shoulders. "Ya'd be correct there, Szayel-chan. This is my Izuru."

Izuru's cheeks burned again at both Gin's arm around his shoulders, and at how the man had addressed him as 'his'.

"Mmhm" Szayel mumbled, still thoughtfully looking up and down Izuru's body. "Did his parents just stop at 'Izuru'?"

"Kira" Izuru answered.

"Ah…" Szayel thought, biting the corner of his lip. "I suppose I'll have to compose a file for you."

With an excited smile, Szayel took hold of Izuru's arm. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to be stealing Kira for as long as I'd like."

Gin smiled wider at the 'Save me!' look Izuru shot him. "Ya sure ya won't need me?" he asked.

"Positive. Run along now." Szayel said, barely sparing a glance as he pulled a terrified Izuru through the lab.

The rest of the lab was just as dark and as forcefully clean as the front, and as he was pulled along, Izuru could make out small round shapes shuffling and hopping about.

"Now, I'll tell you now that I've never examined a pregnancy, male or female. But I have studied it intensely since I heard you would be coming" Szayel chattered, stopping before a large countertop and pushing Izuru into a chair. "My main goal is to find out how this is possible. I don't suppose you know of any ideas?"

"Uh…" Izuru thought. He had actually never given the idea much thought, at least from a scientific stand point. "No, not really."

"Of course you haven't. Tongue please."

Izuru gave a start. "Excuse me?"

Sighing, Szayel looked at him as thought he was speaking to a particularly difficult smile. "Let me see your tongue."

After a slight hesitation, Izuru timidly stuck out his tongue, which was immediately seized between two gloved fingers.

The blond observed Szayel with wide curious eyes. From what Gin had told him it had seemed Szayel was the Hueco Mundo equivalent to Kurotsuchi-taicho.

He certainly had not expected the man to have pink hair. Glasses certainly, but not pink hair.

Szayel's amber eyes raked over his tongue. "Hm, I half expected it to be blue."

As his tongue was released, Izuru quirked an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Well you obviously have SOME abnormality in you to end up like this" Szayel jotted a quick note down in a large notebook. He then grasped Izuru's chin, turning it right, left, up down. "Strange…very strange…" he muttered, writing more notes down.

"What?" Izuru asked, feeling his neck.

"Not a thing. Take off your shirt."

"W-What?" Izuru squeaked. "I mean, is that really necessary?"

Szayel glanced at him with a small smile on his lips. "Yes it is. You didn't actually think you could come in here and keep all your clothes on, did you?"

"I…I suppose" the blond said, tugging at his clothes.

"Well, hop to it." Szayel ordered. "Or should I take it off for you?"

Quickly shaking his head, Izuru pulled the shirt over his head, noting distastefully that the room was cold.

Szayel's eyes gleamed with barely contained giddiness as he placed a hand on the bump.

Swallowing, Izuru couldn't help but think of all the stories he'd heard of hands plunging through chests.

"Do, uh… have you had any medical training, Szayel-san?"

"Hm?" Szayel's head snapped up. "Oh, well it's not my primary field, but I know enough."

"What is your primary field?"

The scientist began to circle around Izuru, feeling the bones here and there. "That all depends on what Aizen-sama wants it to be." He felt the ridges of Izuru's spine. "Usually it's weaponry."

"You must be very smart" Izuru said, shivering slightly at the close proximity of the espada.

"Oh, I am."

Izuru stifled a small laugh.

"Somebody around here has to be. If I wasn't the smart one we would all be walking around like the missing link." Szayel rolled his eyes. "Like the Sexto…"

Izuru watched as Szayel walked back to the counter. "There are ten of you, right?"

"Nothing gets by you, does it?" Szayel said, smirking wryly. "Yes. Ten slightly competent fighters, excluding myself, as I am grossly above average."

"You don't seem to be fond of the others" Izuru noted.

"I can manage those that remember their place. Most are good at that, but there are those that can't seem to get it into their skulls" Szayel readied a needle. "Can I draw some blood?"

Izuru nodded. "Go ahead."

"Not afraid of needles, I see" Szayel said, taking the blonds arm and searching for a vein. "That's good."

Sincerely hoping that this didn't mean Szayel was going to be sticking needles in him whenever he felt like it, Izuru winced slightly as the needle entered his arm.

"Now," Szayel began, gleefully collecting the opaque liquid. "When are you planning on meeting the others?"  
>Izuru blanched. "I was…"<p>

"Going to hold off on it for as long as possible?" Szayel extracted the needle, and shook his head. "Won't work."

"Why not?" Izuru asked as Szayel placed a bandage over his lightly bleeding arm.

"Because, number one, we eat dinner together."

He would have laughed if the prospect of sitting around a table with the espada didn't seem so terrifying.

Szayel rolled his eyes. "Yes, we're _very _family oriented here in Hueco Mundo" he said sarcastically as he placed the needle in a small holder. "Number two, we're all very curious about you."

Blinking curiously, Izuru put a small smile on his face. "W-Why?"

"I would think it's obvious. Ichimaru-sama wouldn't go back to the Sereitei for just anything" Szayel looked at him slyly. "It must be something very special."

Izuru had the grace to blush at these words.

"So, as you can imagine, everyone is wanting a look at you. Lucky me that I got you first" Szayel paused, looking thoughtful, before reaching out and yanking a hair from Izuru's head.

"…Ow."

"It was necessary" Szayel said, dropping the hair into a test tube. "Besides, I only need one more thing and then you can go."

Trying not to breathe a sigh of relief, Izuru asked; "What is it?"

Smiling deviously, Szayel held up a small cup. "I'll need you to go into the bathroom now."

X X X

Half an hour later, Szayel lead a very relieved looking Izuru back out to Gin.

"Well," he said, getting up from his position perched on the countertop. "How did it go?"

Izuru did not answer, instead choosing to walk as fast as possible back to Gin, and stand behind him.

"It went fantastic if I do say so myself" Szayel said smugly. "I am chock full of information to go over."

"Anything useful?" Gin asked grinning as Izuru inched behind him.

"Who can tell yet? I'll go over everything but I think I'll need some new things to fully understand this" Szayel said, his glasses glinting smartly against the light.

"Best talk ta Aizen-sama about that, Szayel-chan" Gin said, before taking Izuru's waist and turning to the door. "Bye-bye!"

"Thank you, Szayel-san" Izuru said, looking back at him.

"Oh no, thank _you_" Szayel said, as the door shut with a deep groan.

X X X

…Wow.

There ya go, hope you enjoyed this chapter! I'll get to work on the next one as soon as I can, but I start school on Monday so the updates may get even more scattered. Rest assured I will not abandon this story.

Reviews are nice!


	4. Pretty Vacant

MP: Grrr…school…I'm so mad I'm going to make everyone in this chapter swear their asses off.

Cee: The lady does not own Bleach, its characters, plot, affiliates, and or anything remotely associated with Bleach. That's all Kubo.

MP: The lucky bastard. Story starts now.

XXX

"_We're so pretty, oh so pretty. We're vacant!"_

The room really did need a window.

But of course that thought had been resurfacing every 10 minutes Izuru ran out of things to think about.

Seriously, what would it hurt just to add a window in here? It would make the room look bigger…maybe give it a little depth, change the lighting, and break up the monotony of simple blank walls.

There's nothing wrong with windows…or paint.

Oh, how he wanted to splatter paint all over these walls. And he usually hated making a huge mess, but _anything _to make the room a bit more interesting.

From what he'd seen the only thing even remotely colorful about Los Noches was its inhabitants. Not that he'd had much interaction with them besides his meeting with Szayel, and the emotional scars acquired in that session were bad enough as is.

Sighing, Izuru tried to find something else in the room to focus on, as the ceiling was giving him a headache.

Okay really, paint was desperately needed.

How was he expected to live in a place like this?

He was coming from the Sereitei, which was almost annoyingly colorful compared to this palace. Everything looked like it had been drowned in bleach, including him.

Izuru was almost certain that one of these days he was going to look at himself in the mirror and find that his eyes had no color.

He'd already awoken several times in the past nights and thought he had been having a black and white nightmare.

So far the majority of his time had either been spent in bed with Gin or visualizing all the possible ways this room could be colored, and he was slowly losing touch with reality.

Presently Gin was in one of Aizen's 'crucial' meetings, whose contents were 'not to be discussed to anyone'.

Because he _really _has the power to overthrow Aizen's damn empire on a little scrap of information, because he, Kira Izuru, is just that devious.

Maybe it wasn't just him. Maybe Los Noches touched Aizen's brain too and made him paranoid.

Unconsciously, Izuru ran his index finger back and forth along the now nicely round five months old bump.

At least there were places to go and work to do in Sereitei, all he had to do here was think.

He missed-

No. No, he wasn't going down that road again because it didn't make things any easier.

…but it was so awfully quiet.

If he wanted anything interesting to happen around here, going out and meeting people seemed imperative, but there were no people here.

Just arrancars, and Izuru wasn't sure he was ready to meet them yet.

XXX

The meetings that consisted of just the three of them usually took place in Aizen's private quarters and lasted a ridiculous amount of time.

The current meeting had been going on for at least three and a half hours, and Gin was slowly but surely losing his already fragile grip on his mind.

Aizen on the other hand looked like the coolest cucumber you were ever likely to find, taking his time drawing out every excruciatingly minimal detail.

Tousen was just as composed as ever, if not more so today. He looked as though the stick up his ass had just been pushed up three inches further.

"I believe this was all we had to discuss today" Aizen said, his silky voice doing nothing to alleviate the already dull atmosphere. "Both of you may go."

Gin held in his sigh of relief and prepared to shoot out of his seat and run back to Izuru.

"If I may, Aizen-sama" Tousen said, remaining stationary. "I would like to address one more thing."

A slight prick of surprise shone in Aizen's eyes for a moment. "Of course, Kaname."

Gin's smile flickered. Tousen was not usually one to complain about anything, much less run to Aizen about it.

It must be serious.

"Aizen-sama, I wonder about having Kira Izuru here."

For a moment the smile was completely gone from Gin's face.

"What about Kira-kun being here does not sit right with you?" Aizen questioned, peering at Tousen with calculating eyes.

"A number of things. The first being my personal wondering of what purpose the boy serves by being here."

"'Sides the fact that he's carryin' my baby?" Gin asked; a subtle but very dangerous tilt to his voice.

"From my knowledge the boy has no place here. He should have stayed in the Sereitei where he belonged." Tousen said, paying the warning in Gin's tone no mind.

Gin's fists clenched.

"My other worry is his loyalty."

"What do you mean?" Aizen asked, his expression slowly turning to one of serious contemplation.

"What if he is working for the Sereitei? What if he is a spy?"

"I-" Aizen began.

"Izuru is NOT a spy" Gin cut him off, smile dripping off his face. "He can't be. How could he have known I would come back for him at all?"

"How much time passed between the time you went to him and the time he left with you?" Tousen asked, keeping his tone level.

Gin thought. "About two days, but-"

"Plenty of time for him to go the Sotaicho and form a plan" Tousen nodded.

"And I suppose he's lyin' about being pregnant too?" Gin asked, his voice now very strained.

"I wouldn't put it past him. Has he been examined?"

"Yes" Aizen answered, happy to finally jump back into the conversation. "Szayel examined him upon arrival."

"And what has he found?"

"He hasn't shared his findings with us yet" Aizen said, looking as though Tousen's words were ringing several bells in his mind.

"There you are. He's presumably in his fifth month, so he should have started to feel movement by now" Tousen said. "I don't trust him, and rest assured I won't be the only one."

Gin's hand twitched towards Shinsou, only to have his wrist caught in Aizen's tight grasp. The look the brunette shot him doubled with the firm grip on his wrist made Gin's anger wither away.

"Gin" Aizen warned, an unnoticeably dangerous edge to his words. "Calm."

Slowly, the grip on Gin's wrist left.

"Your doubts are understandable, Kaname" Aizen said, his usual lukewarm tone back in position. "And if anything incriminating comes from Kira-kun, it will be taken care of."

Gin tried futilely to reign in the emotions raging in his reiatsu.

"Yes, Aizen-sama" Tousen nodded.

"Well then" Aizen rose from his seat. "Dismissed."

Gin's smile returned, and he bowed shortly to Aizen before practically running out the door, and for a moment the other two men simply looked at the door he had just rushed out of.

"Aizen-sama?"

"What is it?"

"If it is found that the boy is not living up to your expectations what will you do?"

Aizen smiled coolly. "I'll take care of it."  
>"He cannot be sent back to the Sereitei, he's seen and heard too much already" Tousen said.<p>

"There is always the…unfortunate alternative" Aizen said, his tone leveled and unfeeling.

Tousen paused. "Gin would not let you do it."

"Gin is not in charge here, I am." Aizen said, frowning slightly. "And if I were to condemn Kira, then he would be condemned. Gin has no say in the matter."

XXX

Izuru cracked his eyes open.

There was something on his stomach.

Looking down tiredly, he once again became aware that he was not in his own room. The sheets were whiter, the blankets thinner, and, the dead giveaway, the man beside him.

Gin already looked wide awake, or, as wake as you can be without actually opening your eyes.

"Hey" he greeted.

"Hey" Izuru echoed, smiling softly.

"How ya feeling?"

A light nausea had settled in his stomach. "A little sick, but I'll be alright."

"Good" Gin leaned over to kiss him softly. "Hate to have the kid botherin' ya."

Izuru smiled. "The kid…"

"Well that's what it is" Gin said, his invisible gaze trailing down to look at the bump, rubbing it softly. "Awful quiet…must be a girl."

Biting his lip, Izuru put his own hand on top of Gin's. "Do you think it's normal?"

"What?"

"For it to be like this. Five months is the normal time for the baby to…" Izuru sighed, and gave his head a small shake. "I guess I'm just a little worried."

Gin put a hand on his cheek. "Ya got no reason to be. So the kids a late bloomer, we can deal with that."

"I suppose" Izuru said absentmindedly.

Grinning, Gin pulled Izuru to rest on his chest, tracing small patterns onto the creamy flesh of his lovers back.

They lay in silence for a moment, lost in their own thoughts.

"Gin?"

"Hm?"

"I have a question."

"Lay it on me."

Izuru looked up at him. "I was thinking about everything you've been telling me. You said there were an original espada, and then the one there is right now, and then all of the other arrancars that have been created. How have you been able to do this in only 4 months?"

Gin thought. "Well we didn't really wait until we left the Sereitei to start getting things set. We started at least years in advance."

"It still seems like it all came together fast. All the stories about the espada you've told me seem like they would take longer than just a few months."

A moment passed as Gin thought again. "Time in Hueco Mundo is funny that way; it makes up its own mind."

Izuru's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"Take this talk we're having. To us it's only lasted a few minutes, right?"

"Right."

"See, that's just to us." Gin smiled. "Who's to say it hasn't taken hours in Hueco Mundo time?"

Izuru sighed. "Everything is so slow here…"

"It's hard ta get used to." Gin nodded in understanding. "But you'll be alright."

"I know that."

Gin looked down at him. "Ya think you're ready to meet everyone tonight?"

A small groan escaped the blond.

"Aw, come on! Ya gotta meet 'em at some point, why not now?"

Izuru his face in the silver haired mans chest, mumbling incoherently.

"Huh?"

More unrecognizable noises.

"Izuruuuuu…"

"I'm scared of them, okay?" Izuru burst out, his face pinking.

Gin looked at him for a moment before promptly bursting out in uncontrollable laughter.

"It's not funny! Stop laughing!" Izuru said, his face growing steadily darker.

"Did meeting Szayel scare ya that much?" Gin asked through his laughing fit. "Aw, 'Zuru this is why I love ya!"

"Gin" Izuru whined. "Stop…"

"Yeah, yeah" Gin said, still chuckling slightly. "Sorry."

The blonde sighed. "This baby had better act like me."  
>"Are you insinuating something?" Gin asked teasingly.<p>

"Not a thing. I'm merely saying that things will be much more peaceful around here if the baby took after me." Izuru smiled.

"Oh yeah?" Gin challenged. "Well then, if the kid acts like you, then it has ta look like me!"

"Serious?" Izuru asked.

"What?"

"You shed" Izuru said bluntly. "Like a large hyper silver dog."

Gin pouted. "Ya so mean…"

"It can have your smile, if it won't scare everything that it comes in contact with."

Gin's face brightened. "I didn' know ya liked my smile so much."

Izuru rolled his eyes. "I like it when you don't hide behind it."

"I don't hide."

"You do." Izuru insisted. "When you're angry, you smile, when you're sad, you smile. No matter what emotion you have, it always going to come out looking like a smile."

"This is coming from Johnny Raincloud."

"…touché."

Gin laughed. "We go well together with the balancing and whatnot."

"Hopefully the baby's balance of sanity will finally be correct, better than its parents at least." Izuru said thoughtfully.

XXX

Aizen himself came to bring them down to dinner. Apparently the anticipation of seeing Izuru sit and eat with his men could not wait a single second longer.

The sound of three sets of footsteps snapping smartly and slowly down the hall sent an ominous shiver down Izuru's spine. There was a large white door at the end of the hallway, glaring at him with two large silver handles.

Behind that door was; Izuru thought, certain death.

Gin stood on Aizen's right, smiling forward, and Aizen stood at the helm, his cool confident stride pitching him just ahead of the two men beside him.

All of the names that Gin had told him were flashing through Izuru's mind, taunting him and pushing on his last millimeter of calm.

Names, ranks, what they've done, who they've killed, things they've said, vague descriptions of faces. They ran around in his mind in circles as they stopped in front of the door, which almost seemed to recognize Aizen, and swing open immediately.

The sound of chairs scooting back from the table was the first thing that Izuru became aware of. There was a split second where his mind seemed to refuse any images his eyes attempted to send him in an involuntary reaction of pure terror.

After a quick calming blink, Izuru made out a long, narrow table with 11 people standing at it, their eyes glued not on Aizen, not on Gin, but on him.

He had the urge to wet his lips but pushed it forcefully back.

"Good evening everyone" Aizen greeted fondly, taking his seat at the head of the table.

Gin nudged him out of his trance and guided him on numb legs to Aizen's right side.

Letting Gin steer him into his seat, Izuru glanced at the dark haired arrancar next to him. The man had his head resolutely bowed towards his bowl, letting only a few ebony strands of hair and a horned helmet obscure his face.

Across from Gin sat Tousen, to his left sat a busty woman with blond hair and a large white collar obscuring most of her face. Beside her was the slumped form of a brown haired man, his face firmly planted in his dish.

Next to this man sat a spoon. Well, it looked like a spoon at first glance, but apparently it was just a tall man with a large spoony hood and an eye patch.

"Everybody," Aizen said, his voice penetrating the silence that filled the room. "I'm sure that many of you have not met our new arrival."

Several pairs of eyes were suddenly locked onto him.

"This is Kira Izuru" Aizen introduced. "He will be staying here with Gin from now on, so I hope you'll come to know each other in time."

Izuru sincerely wished for Aizen to shut his damn mouth.

Aizen passed his cool smile all around the table. "You may introduce yourselves as you will."

Tousen sat silent, clearly needing no introduction. Izuru's interest was shifted to the blonde woman beside him, who regarded him with electric eyes.

"I am the Tercera espada, Tia Harribel" she introduced, in a slightly throaty voice that put Izuru slightly at ease.

There was an awkward moment where everyone just stared at the sleeping man beside her, before a soft nudge issued to him from her. Shooting up, the man looked around the room groggily, his gaze halting on Izuru for a moment before falling back into his bowl, snoring loudly.

An indulgent smile hung on Aizen's face. "That is Coyote Starrk, the Primero espada."

Izuru blinked. This sleeping buffoon was the strongest espada? Well, he'd probably be seeing much stranger things tonight, such as the walking talking spoon that he turned to face.

The spoon-like man leered at him, a sharp, almost dangerous gaze searching all over Izuru's face, much to the dissatisfaction of the blonde.

"Nnoitra Gilga" he introduced, his tone both pompous and threatening. "Quinto espada."

Izuru decided he was now going to avoid this man at all costs.

Next came a blue-haired man with a seemingly bored out of his skull expression on his face, the mask fragment on his jaw opening to growl out; "Names Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez, Sexto espada. You better remember that, kid."

He decided this man was also going on the 'avoid-at-all-costs' list.

The next man was old…like, _really _old. Probably not as old as Yamamoto, though.

"Segundo espada, Baraggan Louisenbairn" he said in an old gravelly voice.

Izuru was frankly surprised that this man could remember his own name.

The next man… was impressively large.

"Yammy Llargo, I'm the Diez espada" he said, but Izuru was too busy staring at the mans ginormous jaws to listen. This man was so huge he could probably kill Izuru with a hangnail.

Izuru wasn't sure that the next thing was even an arrancar, much less something that could introduce itself. A long white head stuck from between its shoulders, eight holes punched through the surface, not allowing a glimpse to the inside.

"Noveno espada" the thing said in what sounded like two voices speaking in tandem. "Aaroniero Arruruerie."

Which part of this man was supposed to be the interesting part? The huge head or the voice? Izuru wasn't sure he wanted to know.

A familiar head of bubblegum pink hair stuck out to look at him. "You already know me" Szayel said, his gloved hand offering a small wave.

The next man was huge and dark, almost Frankenstein-esque, with large silent lips.

Silence carried on for a moment.

"That is Zommari Rureaux, he is the Septimo espada" Aizen introduced for him. "You'll find that he doesn't speak much."

Izuru turned his eyes to the arrancar seated next to him, and immediately wished that he hadn't.

Green eyes pierced him from every angle, large and cold and dead, shooting past the ebony locks that fell in front of them. Looking into those eyes, all Izuru could see was a hollow.

A hollow that could very easily, and very emotionlessly, kill him.

"Cuatro espada" he said, his icy monotone voice wrapping around his throat. "Ulquiorra Schiffer."

Izuru wondered why he had tears traced down his face. He didn't look sad, just mind numbingly terrifying.

Every pair of eyes in the room looked at him, and Izuru's mouth went dry.

What was he supposed to say?

"The kid talks, right?" Grimmjow asked.

"I do talk. And I hope that I'll be seeing you all in the future."

…did those words really just come out of his mouth? Oh dear God.

There were a few muffled snickers and rolled eyes passed around the table, but were pulled back with quick glances to make sure that Gin had not seen them. There was a small beat of silence as they turned to their bowls.

"So, Nnoitra," Szayel began, a smirk already forming on his lips. "Make anyone cry today?"

"Go fuck your own anal cavity, Granz" Nnoitra growled.

"Don't fucking curse at the table, its fuckin' rude" Grimmjow scowled, holding up a spoonful of black liquid.

"Aw, shit" Nnoitra said, rolling his eyes.

"Stop your damn cursing!" Baraggan yelled. "I swear, you kids have no respect."

"You can't remember five minutes ago, asshole" Grimmjow said irritably.

"One of these days, sonny" Baraggan warned, his face dark with rage. "One of these days-"

"Quiet" Harribel said, making no attempt to touch her food. "Honestly…"

"Why are you always such a goddamn stick in the mud?" Nnoitra asked, sneering at her.

Harribel turned her furious eyes to him, but remained silent.

"Seriously, you all need to chill" Yammy said, his deep voice resonating off the walls.

"What are you going to do if I don't?" Nnoitra challenged. "Sit on me?"

Yammys frown turned into a snarl. "You just wait; I could beat your ass!"

"Yeah, you only outweigh him by 500 pounds fatass" Grimmjow scowled.

The spoon that had previously been clenched between Yammy's fingers suddenly snapped in half, landing sadly into the bowl set below it. Yammy growled; "Damn you! Now I have no spoon!"

Szayel smirked deeper. "Use Nnoitra."

Banging the table and making it shake violently, Nnoitra leapt up, his chair hitting Starrk and sending him to the floor, still sleeping.

"Nnoitra, Szayel." Aizen said, his coolly disappointed words halting them. "I've had to ask you to leave the table before; I don't want to do it again."

Szayel bowed his head in apology, and Nnoitra awkwardly pulled his chair back in, leaving Starrk to sleep it out on the floor.

Suddenly, a deep voice shot out of Aaroniero's strange white head. "Must you two _always _start something?"

"Yeah." Grimmjow agreed, "Then it gets all tense in here and Schiffer gets even more depressed."

The man beside Izuru spoke up. "I am not always depressed."

"Well, you're always crying!"

"I am not always crying."

"…well I don't see fuckin' smiley faces drawn all over your face!"

"You two," a high pitched voice said from Aaroniero's head.

"Are impossible" the deeper voice finished.

"How about you zip your yaps before I zip them for you?" Baraggan said gruffly.

"I think you should all remember your place and act respectfully" Harribel, her tone offering no resistance. "Honestly, in front of a guest."

Izuru's cheeks darkened the slightest bit at the woman's words.

"I agree with Harribel wholeheartedly" Aizen said, acting as though he was an indulgent father at another family dinner. "You must all remember yourselves."

"You want us all to act like Starrk" Grimmjow accused as a large snore was emitted from the area where Starrk had landed.

"As peaceful as that would be, I'm afraid it is not possible" Aizen said, frowning. "So you must all act mature-"

Szayel snorted.

"And act your age, not your rank."

"But if Baraggan acted his age he would be dead" Yammy said, raising an overlarge eyebrow.

Baraggan growled. "BOY!"

"Do I need to ask all of you to leave the table 10 minutes into the meal?" Aizen asked. "Again?"

"No Aizen-sama" they all responded in unison.

"Good. Then you may all stay and eat your meal respectfully."

"Thank you Aizen-sama" the chorus of voices responded again.

The rest of the meal passed in an awkward silence.

XXX

Much later that night, Gin lay in bed with Izuru curled up against him.

It had never ceased to amuse him how the blonde could be so shy and self conscious about physical contact during the day but want to be as close to him as possible at night. That was one of Gin's favorite things about him.

When they had gotten back, he had wanted Izuru to tell him about what had been happening in the Sereitei. At first the blonde had seemed reluctant to talk about it, having only just left, but slowly he outlined how things had changed in the time he had been gone.

It had sent a pang of guilt through him when Izuru described the brief period where he and Rangiku had simultaneously fallen to pieces. He told this with a slight shamed blush on his face.

"It wasn't my most mature, or my smartest moment," he had admitted. "But I was upset."

The most important bit of information he had gotten was that Izuru did in fact have knowledge of the Sereitei's battle plans. When he had initially told Aizen that Izuru knew these plans he had been putting all the cards on the table.

Thank God hat Izuru delivered.

Smiling wider in the dark of the room, Gin let one hand travel down to spread over the bump.

How could Tousen think that he would lie about this? It just didn't seem possible that Izuru could ever lie about something as important as this.

But…

It was so quiet. Five months is normal for the kid to start moving, and nothing has happened yet, or so Izuru said.

And the bump could be easily explained as well if he thought about it hard enough. Unohana could do anything that she put her mind to, and that included fabricating a pregnancy.

Wait, no! That wasn't true; he was just letting his mind get away from him.

Damn that Tousen, he probably intended this when he started shooting his mouth off to Aizen.  
>Well, it wasn't going to work on him. He and Izuru loved each other and they were going to have a baby together, and nothing anybody could say was going to stop it.<p>

However, he thought, maybe it was a good idea just to find someone to be with Izuru during the day.

Just in case.

XXX

There you have it! There are several things I could say, but I'll say the important ones.

1: Sorry for the delay on this, I've been at school and at rehearsal, so it's been pretty busy.

2: I tried to get all of the espada's names as close to their original spelling as possible, so that's why they look that way.

3: I never added in the sources for the quotes on the other chapters, so they are: The Sex Pistols ("Pretty Vacant"), Echo and the Bunnymen ("The Killing Moon"), and Raymond Lindquist.

…I'm spacing on the others, but that's about it! Hope you enjoyed the chapter; hope to have the next one up soon!


	5. Aquarius

MP: I have gone through three computers to get this chapter up, and if that isn't sad then I don't know what is. Anyways, I apologize for the slow updates and I hope that this chapter lives up to your various expectations. I really appreciate all the positive feedback you guys have been giving me, so thank you very much!

Cee: MissyPessimisty does not own Bleach, affiliates, its characters, plot, or anything remotely connected to the city, county, and state of Bleach. The lyrics used are from Aquarius, from the musical "Hair!", and "Mein Kampf" belongs to Hitler, I suppose, and this writer had no claim to whatsoever.

MP: Kay thanks. Story starts now.

XXX

"_When the moon is in the Seventh House, and Jupiter aligns with Mars, then peace will guide the planets, and love will steer the stars."_

The night before he had had the dream that he had been dreading since he came to Los Noches.

He had been walking in one of the many identical halls, and the brightness of it seemed much more intense than usual, letting the certain white angles of the ceiling jut out at him sharply, the walls and the ceiling morphing together in a long indistinguishable tunnel. The hallway seemed to grow longer with every step, as is often the case in dreams; and it slightly nauseated him.

Far along, at the end of the hall, instead of a door like it usually would be, there was a mirror. It reached from one wall to the other, and almost up to the high ceiling, but as he approached Izuru could see nothing reflected but white reflected in it. No shadows, not his own form approaching, just white.

But as he had drawn closer and closer, he could make out a small shift in the surface of the mirror, as though something had reached out from the mirror and now stood before him, invisible. It was only when he finally stood directly in front of the mirror that he could see himself.

His skin, his clothes, his hair, everything was as though he had been dipped in white paint. There was no change in shade or in shadow, texture could not be made out, not even the faint lines making up his face were visible now. His eyes had no irises, and seemed scarily large in their blank white set, staring ahead as though witnessing a world beyond the one dreams trapped him in. There was no shine, no distinction, just milky white orbs sitting in his skull.

But soon he couldn't even see himself; all he could see was the blinding, unyielding light.

He awoke with a gasp that sent his heart pounding, wanting to burst out of the confines of his chest, and he had to stagger to the bathroom to be violently ill.

Now all he could do was ritualistically stare up at the ceiling, thinking over and over about the awful dream. If he didn't get out of this room he was going to go crazy. And then both he and Gin would be crazy, and the baby would be crazy by association, and they would spend crazy family nights together impaling the weak with sharp objects.

Izuru sighed. This is what the room was doing to him…

He wondered if mental illness was still genetic if it was contracted while the baby was in the womb…

Okay, he needed to find something to do, anything at all. There was always the idea of learning something, but most things in Los Noches revolved around battle, how to battle, and what to do battle with. And he had a feeling that going out and fighting arrancars was not something a pregnant person was meant to do.

So far all he really had to do was go and see Szayel when he was asked, and even then that gave him a few hours to kill. And believe it or not he didn't feel comfortable going and asking one of the arrancars to entertain him.

It was all a bit tragic, really.

His train of thought was unexpectedly interrupted by a knock that sounded insistently throughout the room.

For a moment all Izuru could do was sit, blinking in confusion. Did he just hallucinate that? Had he finally lost his precious marbles?

Another knock sounded, this time more shrill than the first and Izuru was up in an instant.

He wasn't imagining it! But who could it possibly be?

There weren't many people that took notice of him, let alone came to his room. And he sincerely doubted that it was going to be an arrancar trying to sell him real estate.

He wished he had some kind of peephole to look through, but on the other hand that would probably freak him out even more. Still, he planned on putting it on the growing list of things to change in Gin's room.

Taking a deep breath, Izuru opened the door and scanned the area. There was…nothing there.

Damn arrancars ding-dong ditched him!

He shifted his gaze downward and immediately found what he was looking for.

Before him stood a very short, very androgynous, arrancar with equally short dark brown hair, a small bone fragment resting on the left side of his head. A row of small pink stars were lined above his left eyebrow, leading down to a pair of large lilac eyes that were gazing up at him steadily, a small smirk already playing about on his lips.

"Hi" it said.

"Uh…hello" Izuru said, blinking down bemusedly. "…who are you?"

"Funny you should ask, I was just about to bring it up" the arrancar said, walking past him into the room and settling himself down on the sofa. "Luppi Antenor, arrancar number 23."

Izuru shut the door dazedly, not taking his eyes off the man settled before him.

Luppi patted the spot beside him. "Well, come on! Introduce yourself, its polite."

…Had the arrancars formulated a plot to destroy his mind?

He was sure that they had.

They were either incredibly "On", or incredibly "Off" and aloof. It was almost exhausting trying to keep up with their moods, which were almost teenage in their range.

He sat opposite Luppi on the sofa, regarding him warily. The expectant look the man gave him jolted him back. "Uh, I'm Kira Izuru."

A smile etched itself onto Luppi's face. "Lovely. Of course I already knew that, but there's nothing like a personal touch now is there?"

Izuru wasn't sure whether this was a rhetorical question, so he chose to keep his mouth shut.

"Anyways, I've been recruited to entertain you so," he sat up a tad straighter. "What would you like to do? Besides the obvious" he added with a pointed look down at Izuru's stomach.

Clearing his throat, Izuru prepared to cover his belly with his arms when Luppi leaned closer.

"Have you felt anything yet?" he questioned, gazing inquiringly down at the barely confined bump. "Any squirming around going on in there?"

"Uh, no I haven't." Izuru decided it was time that this arrancar told him why he was here. "But, um, Luppi was it?"

"That's right."

"I don't mean to seem rude, but why exactly are you here?"

"I told you already, didn't I? I'm here to entertain you." Luppi said this as though he was talking to a particularly slow child.

"Yes, but" Izuru shook his head. "What I mean to ask you is if Gin put you up to this?"

Luppi nodded. "That's right."

Izuru blinked at the bluntness. "Well... you know, you don't _have_ to stay here if you don't want to-"

"No no, it's my pleasure." Luppi protested, "Besides, it's not like I have anything better to do."

"What do arrancars do in their spare time?" Izuru asked. "This doesn't exactly seem like the most entertaining place."

"Well, if you're an espada you can basically do whatever you want, train mostly. Missions come sometimes, but it seems that Aizen-sama has been biding his time as of late." Luppi said, rolling his eyes. "If you're like me you just try to entertain yourself as much as you can."

Izuru gave him a small smile. "That sounds awfully dull."

"It is, believe me. But I'm much better off in here with you than out trying to find a sparring partner."

"Why is that?"

"In Hueco Mundo, to spar means to bludgeon and kill under the pretense of practicing." Luppi smirked.

Grimacing slightly, Izuru said; "Well, I guess I have no choice but to let you stay then, huh?"

"I was going to anyway" Luppi said, shifting to sit on his knees on the sofa, leaning towards the blonde. "Can I touch it?"

Izuru started. "What?"

"Can I touch the growth on your stomach?"

Hesitantly, Izuru removed the hand that had been previously resting on his stomach. "Well, it's not exactly a growth, but I suppose you could."

Grinning with excitement, Luppi pulled back a long sleeve to release his hand, which quickly went down to feel his stomach. Izuru suppressed a small shiver at the coldness of the arrancars hand, as the other hand quickly joined the first.

"Oh!" Luppi gasped, examining the belly as though it were a particularly disgusting insect. "It's harder than I would have expected."  
>"Because it's body."<p>

Luppi wrinkled his nose. "That's so gross, how are you even going to get it out?"

Izuru blanched. "Well I... I haven't really thought about it."

"I think they'll cut it out" Luppi said thoughtfully, squeezing the bump slightly. "You wouldn't want to pop the thing out the old fashioned way would you?"

"No, I would most definitely not like that" Izuru said. "I'd rather it be..."

"Chopped out?" Luppi offered.

"Yes" Izuru sighed, trying not to see pictures in his head of someone scooping his organs out and putting them on a table while a shapeless baby was lifted out.

"If I were you, I wouldn't worry too badly. Szayel is pretty capable with weird things like that."

"I think I see him today" Izuru said. "But I don't know what he could possibly do."  
>"When do you go?"<p>

"A few hours."

"Well then, what do we do?" Luppi asked, perching higher on his knees. "We have a few hours to kill."

"I don't know." Izuru shrugged.

"Okay..." Luppi thought. "What do you do around here normally? Where do you go?"

Chuckling embarrassedly, Izuru averted his gaze. "You see... I don't really go anywhere."

Luppi's eyebrows shot to his hairline. "Seriously?"

"...Yes."

"You've been here how long and you've never goneanywhere?" Luppi asked, aghast.

"Well, when you put it like that..."

The arrancar stared at him for a moment before jumping up. "Come on, let's go!" he cried, grasping the blondes hand and pulling him up and towards the door.

"Wait!" Izuru exclaimed, trying to halt the overenthusiastic man as he was pulled out the door. "I'm not sure about this!"

"Get sure! You can't stay without knowing even knowing where you're living!"

"We never locked the door!"

"People are scared of Ichimaru-sama's room, don't worry about that." Luppi said; his grasp on Izuru's wrist still firm. "Now, I'll give you the grand tour!"

XXX

The dark of the room was highlighted sharply by the bright computer images moving across the many screens composed along the large wall, each displaying their own individual images. More often than not they depicted scenes that cameras were not meant to witness, and it was painfully obvious that the forms moving about were not aware that they were being watched. Though, if they had been aware they most likely would not have bothered much seeing as how they were being watched by a blind man.

Tousen stood unmoving in front of them, staring blindly ahead as his hands moved dark thread over a long dull needle over and over again in a constant loop, sending the thin stitch down to join the growing pile at his feet.

Without turning, he greeted; "What do you want, Gin?"

Silently, Gin stepped forward from his unsuccessful hiding spot near the door. Grinning in amusement he began to approach the other man. "Ya really should get someone to teach ya how to knit the rest a the way."

"Nelliel was going to, but she had her accident" Tousen said, his hands never ceasing their movement. "What was it you needed?"

"Why do I need ta have a reason? Can't a man pay a visit to another man with no ulterior motive?"

"No. State your business or leave."

Gin pouted. "Meanie, I just got a couple questions for ya."

"Ask them and then leave me in peace" Tousen said, unmoving as Gin walked up to stand beside him. "I was thinking."

"Well, ya gotta promise not to run ta Aizen-sama after this" Gin said his voice just as lilting as usual, but with a smaller more indecipherable tone underneath the surface.

"Speak or leave, Gin."

"I wanna know what your problem is with Izuru."

Tousen let out a deep sigh, as though he had been expecting this for a long time. "I've made it clear that I don't trust him."

"He's loyal, hardworkin'…well, he thinks only a me."

Tousen's frown deepened. "Let us say that he thinks only _about _you."

Gin's smile deteriorated. "What?"

"He studies you, I can sense it. As if you were a book" Tousen said, turning his face towards Gin. "And you bend to it."

"Studyin' me?" Gin asked, nearly opening his eyes. "Why should he-"

"He'll create himself in your image. It's only natural for someone like him."

"Someone like him? What's that mean?" Gin asked, his tone growing very dark.

"The boy is a parasite. His weakness pushed him to latch onto you he minute he sensed your strength, and he will take from you and learn from you beginning with this child." Tousen said, near to toneless.

Gin wasn't sure at what point he had begun to reach for the hilt of his sword, but he became aware of himself slowly inching it out of its sheath.

"There is no need for you to become violent, Gin." Tousen said calmly, his hands continuing to loop the thread and never moving to his own sword.

Gin's eyes split open to reveal a small glimpse of icy blue. "Ya shouldn' a said that if ya didn' want me ta get violent."

"You're overreacting. I have stated my opinion; just because it didn't please you doesn't mean you can lash out like a child."

"I'm not a child anymore." Gin said, nearly scowling.

"That's exactly what you are; a sneaky, devious, spoiled little child that keeps getting chances to grow up and never taking them."

A shocked and surprisingly hurt glint entered Gin's eyes, his grip on Shinso faltering.

"You think only of yourself, and never give a thought to the consequences. Bringing Kira here was proof of that; you thought only of yourself and not the repercussions it would have on him."

"He said he wanted ta come." Gin defended, his grip completely leaving his sword, and letting his eyes close again.

"You didn't think of him, or this so-called "baby". He's been in that room every day alone, and this wouldn't be happening if you had just let him remain in his place, where he could have at least been properly taken care of." Tousen said, turning his head back to the screen.  
>"I was-" Gin began.<p>

"Don't even think of saying you did this to protect him, because you have done just the opposite."

"I was just supposed ta let him stay there then?" Gin asked, coldly. "What could he have done? Raised a traitor's baby on his own?"

"So you took him away from his home and surrounded him with bloodthirsty killers." Tousen said back icily. "How very reasonable of you."

Gin's hands balled into fists. "Ya don't know a thing about me, or Izuru, or anythin' else."

"If it will make you feel better to convince yourself of that, then go ahead." Tousen said, "Now leave me."

Turning on his heel, Gin began to quickly stride away, but suddenly stopped right before the door. "Can I ask one more thing?"

A barely repressed sigh escaped Tousen's lips. "What?"

"Will ya come and tell me the minute ya see somethin' approaching?"

"I see." Tousen nodded knowingly. "And what are you expecting?"

"I think ya already know."

"Indeed I do."

Gin grinned and opened the door, preparing to walk out when Tousen called out to him.

"If I were you, I would prepare for someone to come for him sooner than expected."

Gin looked back at the man outlined against the screens. "Well," he began, "That's if ya were me, but you're not."

"And think Aizen-sama for it." Tousen sighed, looping the thread once again. "What will you do once they do come?"

Gin's smile remained stationary. "I can take care of 'em. Don't ya worry about that."

"But it won't stop with just his friends. They will keep coming more and more and even you aren't naive enough to think you could kill them all."

"I can let Aizen-sama take his few."

"Do you really think you can protect him forever?" Tousen questioned.

"No" Gin answered, his smile going down just a notch. "But I can try."

Tousen nodded. "You are indeed a fool, Ichimaru Gin."

Chuckling slightly, Gin pushed the door lightly, leaving the room in darkness. Tousen stood for a moment in the stillness, with nothing but the clicking of his needle to accompany him.

"But I've been wrong before." He said to himself.

XXX

They had only been walking down hallways so far, but already Izuru felt like he was drunk off of both the twisting and constantly turning corridors and Luppi's near to never-ending chatter.

"So yeah, this area is reserved mainly for the espada. However you will find a few other rooms, and for some reason there's a room full of crayons around here. Although, I haven't been able to find it since so I may have been hallucinating." Luppi chattered, pulling Izuru along beside him.

For his part, Izuru could just stare at all the doors as they passed, sometimes spaced out by large areas of wall signifying a much larger room. Small gothic numbers were sketched outside of some in no apparent order; some numbers a bit worse for wear (the small 6 beside one door looked almost burned off).

"All of these rooms belong to the espada?" Izuru asked.

"Like I said, some of them. Usually I would just say "Only one way to find out", but I don't think knocking on these doors uninvited would be such a good idea, do you?" Luppi asked, barely pausing to breathe.

"Indeed it wouldn't." Izuru agreed.

"What are you two doing?" a voice asked a ways behind them.  
>Izuru turned to see a familiar dark head looking out at them from the room labeled 4.<p>

"Hello Ulquiorra-sa-" Izuru started, biting his tongue on the last word. He had nearly forgotten the peculiar dislike some of the arrancars had for honorifics.

The Cuatro seemed to notice, but showed very little of in that eerie stone-faced way of his.

"I was giving Kira a tour. Sorry to disturb, _sir_." Luppi smirked, the sarcasm rolling off of his tongue as he gave a mock bow.

Ulquiorra gave Luppi the most un-emotionless death stare Izuru had ever seen. "Try to keep your chatter down, and remember your place, Antenor."

Luppi scowled as Ulquiorra turned back to enter his room. "Hey, maybe you're forgetting that Kira is ranked higher than you are!"

The Cuatro's back seemed to stiffen ever so slightly. He looked back over his shoulder to look at the both of them; his eyes merely pieces of cut green bottle reflecting a raging fire. Turning his back to them once again, he shut the door just as calmly and silently as he had when he first appeared.

For a moment, they stood. Luppi let out a small laugh and turned to face Izuru with a cocky smile. "Well, we sure showed him, huh?"

"I do wish you wouldn't say that stuff to people" the blonde grimaced.

"What stuff?"

"All the outranking stuff" Izuru said as they turned to resume their walk down the hall. "I don't want everyone to think I'm going to fall back on the rank card."

"But it's true!" Luppi cried. "I'll bet if you had a problem with anyone, even one of the espada, they would be gone like that!" he snapped his fingers.

"I doubt that" Izuru said, frowning. "I'm not as important as you seem to think I am, Luppi."  
>"Oh, but you are!" Luppi protested. "You absolutely are! Why else would you still be here?"<p>

"Because of Gin, I suppose." Izuru thought as they rounded the corner to a hallway with no numbers on the doors. "And the baby."

"Oh please, if Aizen-sama was interested in a baby he'd have had one by now." Luppi said, waving his hand dismissively. "Men like him are only interested in one thing."

"And what would that be?" Izuru asked, though he wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer.

"Strategy. He probably thinks you know everything up the Sereitei's tacky black sleeve." Luppi said, glancing at him. "No offense."

"None taken" Izuru nodded, frowning deeply.

"Have I said anything to upset you?" Luppi asked.

"No, I'm just thinking."

Was that the reason why he was here?

Izuru mentally slapped himself; of course that wasn't the reason. He was here because Gin wanted him here…wasn't he?

But…he supposed Gin really didn't know about the baby the night they were together again. So it would be a plausible excuse that Gin only came back to wheedle information out of him.

His mind was picking up the pace now.

Gin came for information, and the baby was just a happy accident then? What did that say about Gin's motives for bringing him here? The idea that he was only brought here to give away secrets sent a cold stone into the pit of his stomach.  
>But that was just him being silly, wasn't it? He could at least pretend it was for now.<p>

While he was thinking, Luppi had continued to lead him along a new corridor, chattering away once more.

"Sharing a room isn't the most ideal thing in the world, but I suppose it does keep me occupied. I'm not lonely or bored usually, but it's just nice to have a roommate. That and I get the top bunk." Luppi smiled; unaware that Izuru was barely listening. "And here we are!" he announced, stopping in front of a small door with no numbers.

"Uh…where?" Izuru asked, blushing slightly.

"Kira darling, pay attention." Luppi rolled his eyes. "This is my room" he said, opening the door.

Izuru was instantly jealous.

Someone in this room must have had some kind of color breakdown, because there were more colors on the wall than Izuru could count.

It was as though someone had dipped a brush in one color after the other and drew long narrow stripes down the wall. All the lines were perfectly even, and Izuru had inkling that Luppi was not responsible for this.

A few articles of white clothing were scattered about the floor, which seemed to have been forcibly dyed. A deep purple stain stretched along the floor, as it was painfully obvious that this was not the floors natural color. A few spaces were lighter and blotchier, and some areas were splotched with dried paint that must have dripped from the wall.

A small desk was situated in the corner and was littered with messy drawings and hurried notes. To the left was a closet, a white sleeve sticking forlornly out of the closed door. Pushed against the right wall was a bunk bed, which seemed ridiculously childish in itself. On the top bunk, which was not made, there was a scattering of markers and pens, and the sheets were obviously stained with both, as was the pale pink comforter.

The bottom bunk was not visible, as it was surrounded by a thick black curtain that reached all around the sides to the wall.

"Well?" Luppi asked; a prideful edge to his word. "What do you think?"

"I think I'd like to switch rooms with you" Izuru said, as he took in the overload of colors. He hadn't seen this many in one place in a looong time.

"Oh, the options that open up if I accept" Luppi smiled. "But, if you'll excuse me, it looks like my esteemed roommate has returned. He's been gone for a few days."

Luppi promptly walked over to the bottom bunk, ripped open the curtain and leapt in with a cry of; "_TES!_"

A loud cry sounded from the apparently sleeping figure in the bed as Luppi began to bounce up and down, shaking the figure as he did.

"L-Luppi-kun! Please, stop!" the figure cried, all traces of sleep gone.

"But I missed you! I thought you had died!" Luppi yelled back, ceasing to bounce. "Can you imagine me here all by my lonesome waiting for you to come back while you're out in the desert dead?"

"I don't imagine I can" the voice said, sounding very weary. "Luppi-kun, I'm very tired."

"No! You can't go to sleep yet! We have a guest!"  
>"Please, I only just got back an hour ago-"<p>

"This is a very important guest" Luppi yanked hard on the figures arm, pulling the boy out with him as he clumsily got to his feet.

The boys tawny blond hair was rumpled and long, his brown eyes still blinking sleep out of them. An aqua stripe across his right cheek was the most interesting thing about his appearance, save for the small bone fragment up by his hairline.

He blinked at him for a few seconds, desperately trying to place a name to a face. It suddenly clicked, and the boy fell into a deep bow, instantly awake.

"Hello, Kira-sama" he greeted, not rising from the bow.

Luppi rolled his eyes and conked the boy on the head. "Quit the formalities, Tes. He doesn't care, do you Kira?"

Izuru quickly shook his head.

"There, see? Now stand up already, you're starting to make my back hurt."

The boy straightened up, still looking slightly apprehensive as he met Izuru's gaze again.

"What's your name?" Izuru asked, feeling strange under the arrancars peculiar eyes.

"Tesra Lindocruz, arrancar number 50."

"Fraccion to the living spoon." Luppi added, smirking.

Tesra scowled and lightly hit Luppi's arm. "You shouldn't say those things about him."

"Oh, yeah. He only made you spend 5 days in the desert on a mission he didn't even need you on." Luppi retorted.

"It's always nice to have an extra pair of hands, Luppi-kun" Tesra said, pouting lightly.

"The man can sprout up to six arms; I highly doubt that he needed you out there." Luppi said, smiling.

"Well, you…" Tesra thought. "Shut up."

Laughing, Luppi clapped him on the back. "Don't be like that! I need you to help me show Kira around!"

Tesra looked between Izuru and Luppi for a moment, before shaking his head. "No, I couldn't. I need to catch up on my sleep."

"It won't take long" Luppi whined, pulling on Tesra's arm. "Come on, be a sport."

"Luppi-kin, what if Nnoitra-sama-"

"He's had you all to himself for days; he will live without you for a few hours." Luppi said, trying to sound persuasive. "Come on, it'll be fun."

Tesra sighed. "Fine, I'll come" he said wearily bending down to pull on his black boots.

"Aw, yeah!" Luppi cheered, looking back to Izuru. "Between us both, we know all the ins and outs, you're about to get the full tour!"

"I'm not staying long, just a few rooms and that's it" Tesra said, pulling on the other boot, though it didn't seem that Luppi was listening.

"There are limitations to where we can take you, of course. But I'm sure if we're extra nice we can get into some of them." Luppi said, looking thoughtful. "Tes, are you ready yet?"

"Yes" Tesra sighed, pulling on black gloves. "Let's get this over with."

"That's what I like to hear!" Luppi said, seizing his arm and pulling him towards the door. "You, too!" he said, taking Izuru's arm and manhandling both the blondes out the door, shutting it with his foot.

"Look at us!" he said excitedly, nearly running down the hall. "This is going to be so much fun!"

XXX

Aizen smiled coldly as the door to Szayel's lab swung open before him, seeming to be pushed back by his very presence.

The lab itself was in disarray, with papers fanned across countertops occasionally stained with dark liquids. The files that lined the walls were still neat, but some had either fallen open or had been taken off completely. The lab seemed near to deserted, as neither Szayel nor his Fracciones were present.

Raising an eyebrow, Aizen walked further into the lab, scanning around for any signs of life. Ahead of him, white light seeped from beneath a small windowless, knob-less door.

Suddenly a high pitched scream resounded around the still air, hanging sharp in the atmosphere for a moment before disappearing.

Aizen let his reiatsu fluctuate just the slightest bit, informing the Octavo of his presence.

The sound of a clang, something being dropped, and a quick startled cry. With a 'whoosh' the door opened, revealing Szayel quickly removing large black lab gloves, stained in dark red fluid. Around his white uniform was a leather apron, as though Szayel were a plain butcher instead of the scientist he claimed to be.

Attempting to wipe the slight sheen of perspiration from his forehead, Szayel only succeeded in smearing blood on his hairline.

"Aizen-sama" he greeted, dropping into a proper bow, straightening back up with an obedient smile. "I apologize, I was not expecting you."

"No need, Szayel. I admit that I dropped in quite unexpectedly." Aizen said, smiling a smile that would hopefully put the pink-haired man at ease.

"Was it something important you needed, sir?" Szayel questioned, reaching behind to untie his meat-working apron.

"It is more a matter of curiosity than of critical importance." Aizen answered, seating himself in one of the empty lab chairs.

"You have succeeded in intriguing me, sir" the scientist replied, removing the apron and at last wiping the smeared blood off of his face.

"What is your impression of Kira-kun? You've seen him how many times?" Aizen asked.

Szayel thought for a moment. "I saw him the day after he arrived and then a few weeks after to compose his file."

"What do you think of him?"

Sighing, Szayel walked from the room, leaving a slightly perturbed Aizen in his wake.

He returned a moment later, carrying one of the files from his wall. Standing a few feet in front of Aizen, Szayel opened the folder and began to read.

"Kira Izuru, aged 150 in Shinigami years, former fukutaicho of the Third Division. Parents deceased, currently living with Ichimaru Gin. Depressive, allergic to cats and strawberries, no known aliases. Five and a half months pregnant of… unknown causes."

Szayel closed the file. "And that's it."

Almost chuckling, Aizen shook his head. "I admire your in-depth research, Szayel. But I would rather you told me what you think of him."

Szayel thought for a moment, tapping his finger against the file. "He is very strange, Aizen-sama."

"Oh? And why is that?" the overlord questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"He's intelligent, anyone can see that. But he's so…simple, I suppose you could say, and shy. He's plain, but there's a strange complexity that shines through. The longer you look the more you find something to think about, learn about."

"How so?"

"I feel that he is holding many repressed emotions that are not healthy for him to be keeping at this time." Szayel said, opening the packet again and extracting another piece of paper scribbled over with stickly sideways writing. "Feelings of sadness towards deceased family, feelings of loss or regret at mentions of others back in the Sereitei, even a distinguished anger towards Ichimaru-sama."

Aizen frowned. "Why should he be angry with Gin?"

"Because he deserted him for four months. And in that time I believe he may have considered getting rid of the baby." Szayel said, setting the paper down.

"Do you think that it is safe to keep him here?" Aizen asked.

"For him or for you?" Szayel fought not to smirk.

"You already know."

"Kira poses no threat to you, Aizen-sama. Now that he has Ichimaru-sama I don't believe he'll try to betray you." Szayel shook his head. "After all, now he has the child to worry about."  
>"I would like to speak about that child now." Aizen said, leaning forwards slightly, as though in anticipation. "Is it true?"<p>

"He does show the physical manifestation of pregnancy, but I have not recorded any movement."

"What do you make of it?"

"For now I'm afraid I can't say, but I'm sure after today I'll have some answers for you." Szayel said, leaning back against the counter behind him.

"Have you come up with any ways to explain how this happened in the first place?" Aizen asked, leaning back as well.

"Would you like the scientific answer or the romantic one?" Szayel asked, running a finger up and down the side of the file.

"The scientific, if you don't mind." Aizen said, raising an amused eyebrow.

"Then I'm afraid you aren't going to get one, Aizen-sama."

Blinking in a somewhat flummoxed manner, Aizen frowned. "You say you have no scientific explanation for this?"

"In my defense, I've never seen it before. On the other side of it, nothing like this has ever been recorded before; in our world, the Sereitei or the living world."

Aizen sighed. "Do you have any ideas, Szayel?"

"In fact, I have several." Szayel said, folding his arms. "But not one of them end in a baby, I assure you."

"What do they end in?"

"Gastrointestinal tumors, mostly. Hermaphrodites, the worst case of 'food baby' ever recorded…" Szayel listed.

A deep frown in place, Aizen looked off to the side, seeming to be in deep thought. "Could it be a trick, then?"

Szayel frowned. "A trick?"

"Something the Sereitei planted inside him in order to invade Los Noches."

Furrowing his brow, Szayel shook his head. "I don't think he would betray us, sir…but his loyalty is not to you."

Meeting Szayel's amber gaze again, Aizen leaned forward. "What?"

"He isn't loyal to you; he's loyal to Ichimaru-sama. You will not be threatened so long as you keep _him _on your side."

Aizen nodded. "You believe he's truthful them?"

Szayel thought for a moment before giving a large sigh. "As much as it pains me to admit it, I don't know."

"That does present a problem, then." Aizen stood a thoughtful look on his face. "I'll be giving what you told me great thought, Szayel."

"Of course." Szayel nodded. "And sir?"

"Yes?" Aizen stopped.

"Would you hurt him if he really did have a child?" Szayel asked, focusing on the floor and hoping he hadn't overstepped a boundary.

Putting on his old Aizen-taicho smile, Aizen said; "Of course not."

"Good. This is going to be very interesting to observe." Szayel nodded happily.

"I figured as much" Aizen turned back to face him. "What was the romantic explanation?"

Szayel raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Since you don't have the scientific explanation, what is the romantic one?"

Szayel sighed. "You don't want to know, sir. It's much too saccharine for anyone's taste."

"What, soul mates?" Aizen asked.

"Yes, something along those lines." Szayel shrugged. "But I guess that isn't the type of thing you're looking for."

"No, it wasn't" Aizen shook his head. "But it's just another thing to think about. Thank you, Szayel" he said, turning to walk back towards the exit.

"Always a pleasure, Aizen-sama" Szayel said, giving a respectful bow as the lord took his leave.

XXX

"I…honestly, I can't believe it" Izuru said, mouth agape as he stared around him. "I never thought it would be so big."

"That's what she said!" Luppi called up from behind him.

Izuru could not get enough of this room. High ceilinged, wall to wall with thick dark books, at least five whole floors of just books! The walls were white, but they were cast away amongst the hundreds of different colors adorning the spines of the books resting on their thick, tall shelves. Tall ladders were propped up against the wall, allowing one to climb up from one floor to the other. A large skylight opened up where the books finally ended, casting strange shadows along the floor and walls.

"There's so many of them…" Izuru gaped, running a pale finger over the spine of a particularly thick book.

"Most are stolen, from what I understand" Luppi said, climbing one of the ladders against the wall. "Other than that, Aizen-sama has written a good few of them."

"Yes, I think he wrote this" Tesra said, holding up a black book with "Mein Kampf" stamped in red across the front of it. "It's fascinating."

Izuru smiled. "I think you might be right on that one."

Luppi gasped as he stepped onto the third floor, arms still holding onto the sides of the ladder. "I wonder if they have any books about babies here!"

Izuru grimaced. "Luppi, I don't think-"

"I'm going to go see!" Luppi cried, taking off into the many rows of books.

Tesra sighed. "You'll get used to him; he's not always like this."

Shaking his head, Izuru gave a small smile. "I'm sure."

Biting his lip softly, Tesra ran his gloved fingers over the spines of the books as he passed them. "Why don't you want a book about babies?"

Shrugging, Izuru glanced along the several thick volumes lined up along the length of the wall. Nearly everything had "and their ways" after the title. "Newts and their ways", "Humans and their ways", "Centaurs and their ways".

"I suppose I'm afraid of what I'll find." Izuru admitted.

"What's there to be afraid of?" Tesra questioned, raising an eyebrow. "You've seen Szayel-sama, haven't you?"

"Yes, but there are some things that haven't been...I guess things are just going slower than I would like them to." Izuru said, absently putting a hand on the bump.

"Oh." Tesra said, averting his gaze.

"I think that, well, I hope that I'm just working myself up." Izuru shook his head.

"Yes, I'm sure that's it." Tesra said, not totally believing himself. "I'm sure you have nothing to worry about, Kira-sama."

"Please don't call me that, Tesra." Izuru said, glancing back at the other blond. "You really don't have to."

"Yes sir, my apologies." Tesra frowned. "It's just the way I am. And...Well, you are above me in rank."

"It's not necessary." Izuru turned, smiling. "I'm only here by a fluke, everyone knows that."

"It never even crossed my mind, sir." Tesra shrugged.

"Found one!" Luppi exclaimed from deep into the shelves.

"Are we meant to go up there, then?" Izuru asked.

"Probably." Tesra sighed, stepping onto one of the ladders and beginning to climb up.

Following close behind, Izuru began to wonder.

There was...wasn't there something else he had to do today? He could swear there was, but he couldn't remember...It was something important, that much he did remember.

Damn, this was going to bother him.

Stepping onto the third floor, Izuru realized that this was the most interesting thing to happen to him in the almost month and a half that he had been here. That in itself was sad.

To think he'd been afraid of this, he thought as he began to follow Tesra down one of the many tall aisles of books. All the time he had wasted was foolish; there was nothing to worry about.

"Here it is!" Luppi said proudly, holding up a yellow book with blue birds on the cover. "I found it in the horror section!"

"Surprise, surprise." Tesra rolled his eyes.

"Let us take a peek" Luppi said, flipping through the thick pages of the book with an overexcited gleam in his eyes. "Hm…have you had any morning sickness?"

"Yes" Izuru nodded.

"Gross" Tesra grimaced.

"Goddamn…." Luppi gasped, holding the book at arms-length and, tipping it sideways. "Kira, turn to the side."

Blinking bemusedly, Izuru turned to the right.

"Wow, are you really that big?" Luppi gasped, his eyes going from the page then back to Izuru. "I didn't even notice it!"

"He means that in the best possible way." Tesra said, the air to his voice indicating that he says this a lot.

"I mean, really!" Luppi continued, still dumbstruck. "There really is a thing in there, huh? Unless it's a…hold on" he paused, flipping back a few pages in the book. When he reached his desired page, he struck his finger on it triumphantly. "Ectopic!"

"What does that mean?" Izuru asked, frowning.

"It means it's stuck in your fallopian tubes!"

The two blondes blinked at him.

"Luppi," Izuru said slowly. "You do realize that I don't have fallopian tubes, I'm a man."

"Yeah, yeah" Luppi dismissed, giving Tesra a wink.

"I'm serious" Izuru said.

"Lies" Luppi said simply, waving a hand.

"Pick up any anatomy book, men don't have-"

"We'll see about that!" Luppi cried, shoving the book into Izuru's hands and dragging Tesra down the hall, down one row of books after another, until their footsteps slowly faded from Izuru's ears.  
>Sighing, the blonde went to stand in the opening, looking down below him. Thank the various deities he had found this place; at least he was saved from boredom. Absently, he found himself flipping through the baby book in his hands, sparing looks at the pages of the five months section when he found himself pausing at the word "movement".<p>

"_If you fail to feel movement by five and a half to six months it could mean many things. The first of which is that the baby could not be developing properly, or even be stillborn."_

Izuru passed over this statement several times after that.

"_Not developing properly."_

"_Stillborn."_

Oh God, was he carrying around a dead baby?

A cold needle of absolute, unrequited, mind and body numbing fear shot into his blood. His hand was instantly at his belly, feeling around, trying to coerce movement, force the thing inside him to move.

What if what if what if?

If the baby was dead what could he do? If his crazy assumption was correct and Gin only brought him here to spill the metaphorical beans on the Sereitei with the baby as an afterthought, what was the status of his place in Los Noches if he were to lose the baby? Izuru was sure Aizen would have no problem in killing him if he no longer needed him.

What had he gotten himself into?

If the baby was dead, Izuru himself was as good as dead. That was for certain.

Both hands were clutched at his belly now, the book lying forlornly on its yellow spine near Izuru's feet.

His baby…his poor baby…move, do something to show you're okay, please…

Please be alright baby, please…

The sound of approaching chatter reached Izuru's numb ears.

Luppi and Tesra rounded the corner, Tesra's arms loaded with thickly bound books, Luppi looking through a book with a human skull printed on the cover.

"Okay, so men don't have fallopian tubes, I can admit that was a screw up on my part." Luppi was saying, "But this really is fascinating. How in hell's bathroom are they going to get the thing out? Women can just push it out their vag, but where does that leave us? We could cut him open, I suppose. They did do that here," he pointed to something on the page. "But wouldn't that leave a nasty scar? I don't think that'd be very nice. God, male pregnancy really isn't logical at all, huh?"

"Kira-san?" Tesra asked, voice strained by the load of books in his arms. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah" Luppi said, frowning and snapping the book shut smartly. "You're looking a bit pale."

Izuru took a deep breath, hoping to calm the nerves dancing under his skin. "I'm a bit tired, could we head back now?"

"Of course we can!" Luppi said, taking hold of his arm again, more gently this time. "And we won't make you go down the ladder this time; we can take the other way."

"What other way?" Tesra asked. "Can I put these books down?"

"No, I want to read those" Luppi said, turning his nose up. "And, the other way of course!"

"I don't remember there being another-" Tesra began.

"Yes there is! I'll prove it!" Luppi cried, gently pulling along the still pale Izuru.

"I've heard that one before" Tesra rolled his eyes, following along begrudgingly.

XXX

Gin walked along the hall, his quick steps bouncing off the walls and coming back to him only to be knocked away by the slight irritation now entering the silver-haired man's reitsu. The words Szayel had spoken to him just moments ago still stuck to his mind.

"_He never showed up."_

He had gone to meet Izuru at Szayel's lab, only to have a very disgruntled (and bloody) scientist tell him his little blonde had never shown up.

Immediately the irrational ideas returned, with more of a vengeance than ever. Things like 'he didn't go because he knows Szayel will see there isn't a baby.'

What had happened? Izuru couldn't have left the room; he was terrified of being out with arrancars. Or could Luppi have taken him out? That did have 'Luppi' written all over it, Gin had to admit.

But it's no excuse for Izuru not showing up; the man never forgot anything. Gin could find to plausible explanation for why Izuru could have possibly missed this meeting, besides being dead, or…dead, really. Even if he was kidnapped by bloodthirsty cutthroat's intent on ripping him open, the man would find a way to be on time.

'There is no baby."

His steps got a bit faster.

That's stupid, why wouldn't there be? If Izuru said there was, there was and no one could convince him otherwise.

But then why were pictures of babies dissolving onto nothing but air popping into his mind? Or just the many ways that someone could fake a pregnancy.

"_What if he is a spy?"_

He was letting Tousen get to him. Of course there was no truth behind it, Tousen just wanted to psych him out. Well, it wasn't going to work, not on him. He could see right through that justice crazed wannabe. All that there was was a dislike for Gin being happy, just lies.

But there was the matter of Izuru missing the meeting.

Gin rounded the corner to the room, figuring he would just have to ask Izuru about it himself.

XXX

"SEE?" Told you it was this way" Luppi said; a victorious grin on his face. "It only took us-"

"Half an hour" Tesra groaned, carrying 6 more books than he had when they decided to leave.

"It could have been worse" Luppi said, flipping through the pages of a red book. "It could have been an hour."

"Don't even think that" Izuru warned, his face a bit less pale than it had been, but still lacking in his voice.

"Oh relax" Luppi rolled his eyes. "Your room is right down the hall, worry wart."

"Then I think I'll be going" Izuru said, taking the yellow book from the top of the stack in Tesra's arms and turning to go down the opposite hall. "It was nice to meet you both, and thank you."

"I'm sure we'll see each other soon" Tesra said, grimacing under the weight of the books. "Goodbye Kira-san."

"Think about what I told you!" Luppi called after him.

"He isn't a sub-species of Seahorse, Luppi-kun." Tesra said, beginning to walk down the hall. "Let's go."

"No, think about it! It totally makes sense now!" Luppi insisted. "The male seahorse carries the baby, so it could very well be linked together!"

"They're both men, Luppi-kun." Tesra sighed as they turned the corner to get to their own room's direction.

Izuru stood for a moment, still trying to feel something. Maybe if he stood long enough and felt hard enough he would begin to feel something. If he stood and wished and prayed hard enough, maybe his baby would be alright.

"Please..." he heard himself whispering. "Please move for me…"

The form in his stomach paid him no mind.

Sighing, Izuru hugged the yellow book to his chest and began walking towards the door to him and Gin's room. Should he tell Gin about this? No, he needed to bide his time.

If he told Gin, Gin might tell Aizen, and if that happened Izuru wouldn't be around for much longer.

Best to just keep this to himself for a while.

He opened the door to the room, and was surprised to see Gin already in the room, sprawled across the bed doodling in red marker.

"Hey" he greeted; his grin in place, even more unsettling today.

"Hey" Izuru returned, shutting the door behind him. "I didn't think you'd be back yet."

"Surprise" Gin said, moving to stand up, limbs moving quickly.

"Have you been back long?" Izuru asked, bringing a foot up to unfasten one of his boots.

"Not long" Gin said, watching carefully. The way he moved around, the way he touched the bump all suggested there was a bay in there…

"Good. That Luppi you sent today," Izuru said, letting one boot drop before bringing the other up. "He wanted to show me around."

"Did he?" Gin asked, approaching at a normal pace.

"And he proved to be totally inept at directions. Needless to say, he got us quite lost." Izuru said, letting the other boot drop, Gin bending to pick them up. "Thank you."

"No problem." Gin said, taking the boots over to the wardrobe and plopping them down very ungracefully.

Izuru began to walk over to the small table to set the book down.

"Did ya just forget about the meetin' then?"

Pausing, Izuru's brow furrowed. Meeting? He didn't have a meeting today, did he?

Wait.

Wait, wait, wait…

Oh no.

Izuru brought the book up to his face, letting his forehead hit the front of the book with a soft thud.

"Oh no…" he groaned.

The meeting! How could he have forgotten? Luppi and his misadventures must have distracted him.

Humiliating.

"Forgot, huh?" Gin asked.

"Completely" Izuru shook his head, "This is so embarrassing. Was Szayel upset?"

"I don' think ya figured inta his day at all" Gin said, trying to sound comforting.

"That's good. Were you there? I didn't leave you waiting did I?" Izuru asked, facing him with an increasingly worried expression on his face.

"Nope, I'm fine."

Izuru plopped into one of the chairs near the table, running a hand messily through his hair. "I can't believe I did that…I never forget things, you know that."

"You're havin' an off day" Gin said, turning back to the bed as though to sit on it.

"You're upset with me" Izuru said, taking note of the strange behavior Gin had been acting in.

Turning back to the blonde, Gin almost frowned. "Why would ya think that?"

"You just seem to be acting a bit strange" Izuru said, frowning. "If I made you angry by not showing up, I'm sorry."

"'M not angry" Gin said, going forward and putting a hand on Izuru's cheek. "Just worried about ya."

"What are you worried about?" Izuru asked, putting one of his hands over Gin's.

"Well, ya missin' this meetin' isn't gonna look very good. I mean, it's odd enough ya bein' pregnant at all, but ta not let anyone near it-"

"Not let?" Izuru asked, frown deepening. "I let Szayel look at me when we first-"

"I mean like examine ya. Pokin' at it is one thing, but he's got ta look at it with machines an' all that. He's gotta make sure a it so he can tell-"

"Sure of it?" Izuru said, backing out of Gin's hand. "You don't believe me?"

"What?" Gin asked, smile faltering and realizing that he had just said the worst possible thing he could have said in this situation. "That's not what I-"

"You said 'make sure of it', what does that mean?" Izuru asked coldly, his eyes getting icier than Gin had ever seen them.

"Well," he began, hoping to redeem his position as pack leader. "Ya gotta admit it's kinda…I dunno, weird for a guy ta-"

"Weird?" Izuru stood up, stance showing off his anger. "I don't want to hear about weird, I have been told both that I have fallopian tubes and that I am a seahorse today! And so far all that I see that's 'weird' is you!"

Gin stood up after him, letting his superior height give him the upper hand. "Me weird? I'm not the one with the bump here!"

"No, but you're the one who brought me here!" Izuru cried, his voice rising as his pent up panic and frustration finally spilled over. "And why? What for?"

"'Cuz that's half mine in there!" Gin yelled back, pointing a finger at Izuru's stomach.

"You say that but it's not what I think."

"What do you think?"

"You only want me here so I can help you win this war!" Izuru exclaimed.

"What?" Gin cried, his eyes opening wide.

"It's true! I know it!" Izuru screamed, feeling hot angry tears prick at his eyes. "You brought me here to give up everything I know and have the baby! But now there might not even be a-"

His blue eyes went impossibly wide, a choked gasp breaking through his throat. Hands went up to clutch at his stomach, eyes un-focusing.

"Izuru?" Gin asked, frowning. "What is it?"

Beginning to take short sharp intakes of air, the blonde let the tears that had been caged in his eyes break loose down his cheeks.

Taking hold of his lover's upper arms, Gin gave him a shake, feeling a strange sense of dread in his bones.

He got Izuru upset and killed the baby, it was all his fault. What had he done?

"Izuru!" he said, hoping to snap the other man out of it. "Say somethin'!"

Face stained with tears, Izuru looked back up at Gin, a large and unnerving smile on his thin lips.

"It's alive, Gin!" he said through his tears, taking one of the older man's hands off his arm and placing it on the left side of the bump. "Gin, it's moving!"

And sure enough, beneath Izuru's skin Gin could feel the small subtle movement of a being living underwater.

In surprise, he almost jerked his hand back, but it remained placed gently by Izuru's own hand over his. The movement beneath his hand was so small, and yet he could sense a force behind it. It was as though this small change in position had shifted the very earth beneath his feet, and erased every thought that came before it.

Nothing in the earth mattered besides what lay beneath his hand and the hand that held him there.

Izuru let a few more slow tears trace down his cheeks, looking down at their hands resting over the bump. Just the thought of them, here together in a place that they could make their own, how could anyone else but the three of them matter at this moment in the world?

"Baby…" he felt himself whisper.

Both of Gin's arms were around him then, pulling their bodies together, sandwiching the bump between them. Izuru wrapped his arms up and around Gin's neck, burying his wet face in the white folds of his lover's robes. The words that had gone between them ate at the space outside.

"I…" Gin began, trying to put into words what he wanted to say.

"I didn't mean it" Izuru said quietly, his eyes shut. "I didn't…"

"Neither did I" Gin said, kissing the top of the blonde head.

"I was just scared" Izuru said, eyes opening and his head tilting up to look at Gin. "I know that you would never-"

"And I was bein' thick. I know that you were all along, I just…" Gin trailed.

"Got scared?" Izuru offered.

"Yeah" Gin said, smiling lightly. "I'd never hurt ya, Izuru."

"And I would never hurt you" Izuru said, giving him a soft smile. "I love you, Gin."

Smile returning full force, Gin crushed their lips together. Somehow it seemed that this was different than any other kiss they had had before. Even their first seemed to pale in comparison to the force and the feeling behind this one.

And between them, small movements from underwater marked the start of something neither could name nor place.

XXX

And there you have it! I once again sincerely apologize for the wait, and will attempt to get the next chapters up much faster. We still have a long way to go…


	6. Come As You Are

MP: I'm trying to get these chapters up a bit faster than my previous ones, and it seems that makes me procrastinate even more. So from now on, I'm going to take my time and laze about on typing like a southern belle on a plantation. And that's my plan for getting these up faster.

Cee: Madam doesn't own any characters, plot lines, affiliates, or anything even remotely connected to the city, county, and state of Bleach. Lyrics used are "Come as You Are" by Nirvana.

MP: Story starts now.

XXX

"_Come as you are, as you were, as I want you to be."_

"It's um…well…honestly; it's a veritable masterpiece of…" Luppi said, gazing along the walls of Gin and Izuru's room as though he had just wandered into Auschwitz. "Pastels…and such."

"You can spare me, the room is awful" Izuru said, holding up some of the newer clothes he had acquired, much more spacious around the middle. "Luppi?"

"Hm?" the shorter man grunted, examining the walls with a particularly pained expression on his face.

"Where did you get these clothes?"

"Ours is not to ask why, ours is but to do and die" Luppi replied, scratching a bitten down nail on one of the walls. "Ugh, it will take at least three coats to get rid of this mess."

"These are women's clothes, aren't they?" Izuru asked, examining a particularly feminine looking robe with a peach sash around the waist.

"So what if they are? You can't afford to be picky at this stage of the game" Luppi said, still seeming more interested in remodeling and refurnishing the room than about the conversation. "It's all we've got."

"I'm not going out dressed in… like a girl" Izuru blushed slightly, holding up even more flowy garments. "As if I didn't look like enough of a freak already, now you'll have me dressed up like a woman."

"Hey, where do you think they sell MEN'Smaternity clothes? Nowhere, sweet pea, that's where. It was hard enough finding what I did" Luppi turned back to him to give him a smoldering look. "So you'll take what I give you and like it."

Huffing, Izuru dropped the clothes onto the bed, looking as though he wished they would burst into flames. "Fine."

Smiling smugly, Luppi turned back to continue having a stare-down with the wall. "Just wait, in a month or so, even a few weeks, you'll be thanking me."

"You'd like to think that, wouldn't you?" Izuru asked dryly, taking up the clothes again and bringing them over to the wardrobe.

"Now," Luppi said, putting a finger thoughtfully on his chin. "What can we do about this perfectly awful room of yours?"

"I've been asking myself that for months" Izuru said, hanging up the robes. "I was hoping you could think of something I haven't already thought of."

"Well…first of all, my apologies to you for having to sit here in hell frozen over. Second of all, how much are we allowed to do exactly?"

"Gin doesn't know about this" Izuru said, shutting the door to the wardrobe.

Pursing his lips in a surprised little pout, Luppi looked back. "What a pleasant surprise for a man to come home to."

"This room is half mine" Izuru said, standing beside him. "I won't change everything, just a few little things."

"Please tell me these walls are one of them" Luppi said, grimacing at the pale walls. "It's like an all polar bear exhibit."

"Yes" Izuru nodded. "But nothing too vibrant, like your room."

"My room is perfectly lovely, thank you very much" Luppi sniffed.

"It is, but I don't think it's right for us" Izuru said. "It's just fine for you and Tesra."

"Yes, I suppose so" Luppi thought, glancing down for a moment. "You know, I had something along those lines to speak to you about."

"You're looking to remodel as well?"

"No, it's actually about Tesra" Luppi said, breaking eye-contact with the wall in favor of looking at Izuru.

"What about?" Izuru asked, frowning back.

"Well…don't tell him I said this, but is it possible that you could maybe… see about having him transferred?"

Izuru raised a pale eyebrow. "Has he been unhappy recently?"

"Well no, not _openly, _but-"

"Did he ask to be moved?"

"No, but that's just the trouble, Kira." Luppi said, moving to sit in one of the chairs. "No matter what happens, I know that he'll never ask to be moved."

"Has something happened?" Izuru asked, sitting across from him in the other chair.

"He won't say, but I've seen things."

"Like what?"

"He has bruises on his arms, scratches and things. There were some on his neck too, but he won't tell me where they came from."

"Maybe you're jumping to conclusions" Izuru said reasonably. "They could be from training, or-"

"There's something else." Luppi said hesitantly, tugging at one of his sleeves; a nervous habit he thinks he's good at hiding. "But it's…I'm not sure if I'm just being neurotic, but it is a bit strange."

"Tell me" Izuru said, leaning forward interestedly.

"Well, the other day he said he was going to the dome with Nnoitra, but he didn't come back until early the next morning. Am I crazy or is that odd?" Luppi asked. "It probably means nothing, right?" 

"It could mean a lot of things" Izuru said thoughtfully. "Some of them are better than others."

Luppi breathed a large sigh. "But…I mean, you don't think that Nnoitra would actually hurt him, do you?"

"That sounds like what _you _think" Izuru said, leaning back and resting his hands on his belly.

"I've been trying to think of reasons not to think that, but it's hard to rule out things that Nnoitra wouldn't do."

Izuru shrugged slightly. "I wouldn't know much about that. I do agree that even if something was going wrong, Tesra probably wouldn't tell us."

Luppi rubbed a hand over one of his eyes. "Sometimes I just want to smack him silly. But I have a feeling he would be used to it by now."

Frowning, Izuru sank deeper into the chair. "Don't say that, you could be overreacting."

"I hope I am" Luppi nodded. "But will you at least speak to someone about it?"

"Maybe Tesra doesn't want to leave."

"He'll never want to leave! And when Nnoitra eventually kills him it will be because he never left!" Luppi cried. "We've got to help him, Kira. He can't even help himself."

Sighing, Izuru shook his head; defeated. "Fine, but when he turns on the both of us, it will be your fault."

A smile broke out across Luppi's face. "Thank you! I promise you won't be sorry!"

"I'm sorry already" Izuru said, standing up clumsily. "But I suppose that won't make one bit of difference to you."

"Not at all" Luppi said, standing as well, albeit a little more gracefully than Izuru. "But I take it you're kicking me out now?"

"Yes, if you don't mind" Izuru said, placing a hand on his lower back as he walked to the door. "Gin will be back soon."

"Hm" Luppi rolled his eyes. "Quit playing house already, he's practically your husband anyway."

Izuru gave a small sigh of a laugh. "That's not exactly our style right now. One hurdle at a time."

"Hurdle" Luppi muttered, shaking his head. "And after your bastard is born?"

"Then we'll talk" Izuru said, holding the door open. "Out."

"You're so pushy…" Luppi said, walking out the door without looking at the blonde, hoping to show his annoyance.

Izuru smiled smally. "I'll see you later."

He shut the door without waiting for an answer, turning back to face the pale room. Not much had changed; walls still pale, room still bare. But there had been small differences, a few small blankets that rested on top of the wardrobe, and the pale beginning of a bassinet in the corner. Most importantly was a small dark photo resting on the bedside table, on which was the fuzzy outline of his child.

The day after he'd first felt the baby kick, he and Gin had gone to Szayel for the appointment scheduled the day before. While there. Szayel had revealed to them that he had constructed a makeshift "thing", as he put it. Izuru had indulged him, let him smear gel all over his stomach, had allowed Szayel to feel around with his strange sensor, and had allowed this to go on for quite some time.

He had not actually expected to see a strange white outline on the screen.

Slowly he had made out the form of feet and the vague shape of a head. However, the idea of an actual living breathing body existing inside of him, needing to be cared for, terrified him on impact.

The picture had been printed and put up, and since the day it went up things had begun to change. Gin didn't like him to try and bend over to get things anymore, or at least cringed when he did ("You're gonna crush it!"). Going places without telling anybody was now totally prohibited, or he risked having a very manic Gin running around making things difficult for everybody.

It wasn't entirely unpleasant, though.

With his newfound company he was rarely ever lonely anymore. The discovery of the library was also an immense help as he had run out of reading material. His initial fear of the espada had begun to fade, to his relief.

They didn't pay much attention to him, and that suited him just fine as he did it right back.

Now the only real problem was Aizen.

Izuru had begun to avoid him, in the most childish sense of the word. Every time he sensed the man wanting to speak to him, he would pull an excuse to get the fuck out of dodge out of his behind.

Every time he was in the man's presence he thought that this would be the time he would be forced to be the traitor he knew he was. And his new plan was finally beginning to take shape, not that it was intelligent, logical, or even brave.

He had decided to be a genius and just lie about everything.

It was really very smart.

But when it finally came down to it, Izuru found himself causing himself more trouble than he could for anyone else. What if Aizen found out he was lying and decided to kill him and the baby? What if he lost his nerve and told Aizen what he wanted? He could never forgive himself if he did that.

The best possible way to avoid a lifetime of guilt really was to just fake the information.

But he would be doomed if anyone found out. Not just his life was on the line, but he had the baby and Gin to worry about, even if he didn't think Aizen would get rid of Gin because of that.

Sighing, Izuru rubbed a soothing hand over his stomach, where the baby was kicking.

"You're not feeling neglected already, are you?" Izuru whispered.

The kicks remained strong.

"Sorry, I've got a lot on my mind."

An even harder kick landed against his hand, seemingly angry or reassuring.

XXX

"Anythin' today?"

Tousen fought not to groan in the darkness of the surveillance room. "What do you want from me?"

The sound of Gin's chipper footsteps approaching seemed to him like small stabs straight to his gut.

"Ya always sound so happy ta see me!" Gin said his tone lilting and just as cheery as ever. "If I didn't know better I'd think ya've come ta like our little meetin's."

"You have said many foolish things in the many years I've known you, Gin" Tousen said, his hands moving over and over of their own accord, looping the familiar dark yarn over the needle. "But I think that tops the bill."

Chuckling, Gin stood beside him as had become their usual stances. Tousen stared forward, hands never causing their movement in the course of the conversation, Gin looking forward as well, smiling up at a random screen.

"If ya've been keeping a record, am I allowed ta mention how many times I've heard ya say 'justice' in all the years I known ya?"

A jaw clenched and his hands picked up the pace. "Did you need something?"

Gin's smile twitched even farther at the show of annoyance from the calm man. "Jus' the usual. Anything comin' up on us?"

"Not that I know of" Tousen said. "But they should be soon."

"Think so?"

"Yes."

"Why'ssat?"

"Because he is valuable. As a lieutenant of the Gotei 13 his disappearance will of course have become top priority. By now the Third Division will be in disarray with no acting captain and no lieutenant, so things will of course be getting more scrambled."

Gin nodded thoughtfully. "I'm seein' your point there. Still don't explain why they aren't here yet."

Tousen sighed. "If I answer all your idiotic questions, will you promise to leave me and not come back?"

Unknown to the blind man, Gin crossed his fingers. "Anythin' that makes ya happy."

"Uncross your fingers."

Gin pouted. "How'd ya know?"

"Because it is just the sort of thing I've come to expect from you" Tousen said. "Now," he tucked his needle into his pocket. "You will place your hands against mine and not cross anything."

"Ya think you're bein' a bit dramatic with this?" Gin questioned, putting his uncrossed fingers against Tousen's own much darker hands.

"Repeat after me-"

Gin groaned. "Do I _have _to?"

"My privacy is very important to me, and I will go to any lengths, no matter the ridiculous, to protect it from you" Tousen said levelly. "Now you will repeat after me."

Pouting slightly, Gin sighed. "Fine…"

"I, Ichimaru Gin."

"I, Ichimaru Gin" Gin repeated.

"Swear to abstain from intruding on Tousen Kaname's private time" Tousen lead.

"Swear ta abstain from intrudin' on Tousen Kaname's private time blahdiblah" Gin repeated, fidgeting impatiently.

"In this room or in any other room."

"In this room or any other room."

"For one whole month."

Gin's eyes opened slightly as he frowned. "But what if someone-"

"Say it."

Stomping indignantly, Gin reluctantly repeated; "For one whole month."

"Good" Tousen said, dropping his hands and retrieving his needle from his pocket. "Now you will ask your questions and leave and not come back for 30 days."

"Well, why do ya think it's takin' so long for them ta get here?" Gin questioned. "If this is a big a deal as ya say they shoulda been here by now."

"With the Third in disarray, being virtually unled, then means must be taken to organize them before any real action can be taken. Then of course there is the question of his leaving."

"Huh?"

"Who is to say whether he left willingly or not? The idea that he left of his own free will would of course banish any idea of a rescue attempt" Tousen said, letting his nearly made chain reach the tip of the needle.

"But that's gotta seem find far-fetched, don't it?" Gin asked, looking away from the screen and towards the other man.

"I wouldn't be surprised. His peculiar infatuation with you was known by nearly everyone, and I would personally not have been surprised if I had found he had left with you."

"Hm" Gin thought. "So ya think the odds a someone comin' ta get him are slim?'

"I didn't say that."

"Were ya thinkin' it?"

Tousen sighed. "If I say yes, will you go away?"

Smile widening, Gin nodded. "Prob'ly."

"Then yes, you have nothing to worry about" Tousen answered.

"Thank ya kindly, ya are indeed a great man."

"Go away and don't come back."

Gin sighed and turned to go. "Fine, but don' come cryin' ta me when ya miss me!"

Tousen almost scowled. "30 days."

"Yeah, yeah" Gin said dismissively as he walked out the door. "Bye bye, Kana-chan!"

The door closed behind him with an echoing thud, and Tousen had a brief fleeting thought that maybe 30 days was a bit too much.

He brushed it off very fast.

XXX

"Gin?"

"Hm?"

"Who do I go to if I want to talk about transfers?" Izuru asked, late that night as they lay in bed.

"Ah, I knew this day would come" Gin sighed, glancing down at the blonde teasingly. "Guess I can't blame ya wantin' ta go live somewhere else-"

"That's not what I mean" Izuru said, smiling slightly in the darkness of the room. "I mean for Tesra."

"Ya mean he ain't happy bein' Nnoi-chan's punchin' bag?" Gin asked, his smile more of a smirk. "Strange."

"So you think Nnoitra's hitting him too?" Izuru asked, sighing.

"Yeah, but he hits everybody. Shouldn' be a big surprise" Gin shrugged, glancing back down at him. "Why isn't he askin' for a transfer himself?"  
>Izuru blushed. "He…never really asked for one."<p>

"…Pardon?"

"Luppi wants him transferred."

"Well. It ain't exactly Luppi's decision, is it?" Gin asked.

"He's just nervous. He seems to think that Nnoitra is abusive" Izuru said, trying shift so that his back was more comfortable.

"He is, it's in his nature" Gin said, feeling the bump rest near his side. "Never seemed like Tes-chan cared before."

"I mean abusive in more ways than one."

Slowly, Gin nodded. "Ahh, I getcha. And do _you _think that Nnoi-chan is slippin' it to him?"

"Do you have to say it like that?" Izuru asked, grimacing.

"Yep, do ya?"

Izuru thought, absentmindedly rubbing one finger over the bump. "I… suppose it wouldn't really surprise me."

"Mmhm, here's another one" Gin smiled wider. "Would it be so bad if he was?"

Frowning, Izuru tilted his face up to look at Gin. "Of course it would! I thought espada/fraccion relationships were-"

"Ya missin' the point here, 'Zuru" Gin looked down at him, moving to be on the same level. "Have ya ever seen the way Tes-chan looks at him?"

"No, why should it matter?"

"Matters a lot. Look close enough, ya will see it" Gin said, leaning his head back. "Reminds me a lot a us, in the beginning…"

"You really think Tesra could be-"

"Figure it out yourself. When ya do, ya can talk ta Aizen-sama about havin' him transferred."

Izuru let his eyes slip shut. "Maybe I will."

XXX

"So I've been thinking-"

"Uh-oh."

Luppi scowled. "Fine, I won't tell you then."

Izuru sighed, leaning back against the multi-colored wall, stretching his feet out. They had just recently begun to get sore, he noted sadly. "Just tell me."

From atop his bunk, Luppi looked down at the blonde with a small pouting frown. "Well, I was just thinking that it was about time you stopped fooling around."

"What do you mean?" Izuru asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Luppi-kun," Tesra glanced up to the bunk above him. "This really isn't any of your business."

"Oh, balls" Luppi rolled his eyes. "What I'm saying is that it really is time you made him marry you, Kira."

Izuru let his head hit the wall with a low groan. "Not this again…"

"I mean, really, you're having a child together, you really should-"

"How about you let them decide what's best for them, okay?" Tesra suggested, frowning up at Luppi's bunk, looking intensely uncomfortable with the conversation.

"That's for pushovers, Tes" Luppi said, leaning forward to let his head frown upside-down at the other man. "It's my responsibility to make sure this fetus is born into the best environment possible that we can put together."

"That is called a water birth, and it's freaky. Also, it's beside the point" Tesra rolled his eyes at the upside-down face.

"How do you know what a water birth is?" Izuru asked.

"He's been reading aloud to me" Tesra grimaced. "Every night I get to hear about how in a few months we're going to be up to our ears in placenta."

"That is, every night you're actually here" Luppi said, swinging down from his bunk. "Any who, we were planning Kira's imminent engagement."

Giving a great sigh, Izuru let an indulgent smile creep onto his face. "I don't think that's happening anytime soon."

"Whyy?" Luppi whined, moving to sit on Tesra's bunk, scooting the other man out of the way.

"Because we don't want to get married" Izuru said. "At least not now."

"Are you a commitment phobe?" Tesra asked.

Rolling his eyes slightly, Izuru frowned. "NO, we just figure things are alright now, so why change it?"

"You _both _think that?" Luppi asked skeptically.

"Well…that's what I myself think, but his opinion must be something similar."

"Have you ever actually talked about it with Ichimaru-sama before?" Tesra asked, bringing his knees up to wrap his arms around them.

Izuru thought back. Had he and Gin ever really discussed marriage before? If they had, he could not remember. There had been times when Gin seemed more happy than usual and he would exclaim; "I'll marry ya someday, 'Zuru!".

But other than that, it never seemed to come up. It didn't really matter that much though, did it? People had babies without being married all the time, it wasn't a huge problem.

"Listen, I'm just thinking of you" Luppi was saying, holding up his hands.

"And I appreciate that, but it's really mine and Gin's decision" Izuru said, putting his hands onto the bump.

Tesra mumbled something.

"What?" Izuru asked.

Tesra looked back unapologetically. "I was just saying that it's not going to be just you and him for much longer."

"And a baby needs a nice united atmosphere to be born into or its going to grow up and be a serial killer" Luppi added gravelly.

"I think the odds of the baby being a serial killer are very likely no matter what atmosphere it's born into" Izuru said, thoughtfully.

"That's terrifying" Tesra said, blinking.

"And beside the point" Luppi shook his head. "The point is, until you're together in as much of a legal sense as there is around these parts, anything you have will not be completely yours."

"…What?" Izuru asked, confusedly.

Sighing, Luppi shifted forward slightly. "Let's say this; the room you live in is his. He had it before you came here, it belongs to him, and the same can be said for a lot of things around here."

"I think I'm understanding" Izuru nodded. "But don't you think that's a little…I don't know, unlikely?"

"Of course not! I read about it!" Luppi cried, leaping up and padding over to the desk, where several books were piled up. "Just look here!" he selected a book from the very bottom of the pile, sending the others clattering to the floor. Walking over to Izuru, he thrust the book out at him with an expectant smile.

Taking the book, Izuru inspected its cover. A painted woman with auburn hair, whose large breasts were almost falling out of flimsy white dress, lay in a faint in the arms of a very romantic looking shirtless man.

"See, in the book this woman falls in love with a rich Russian businessman, and they live together in his mansion and have lots and lots of sex" Luppi explained.

"Charming."

"But _then_, he believes she's in love with his manservant Sergei, so he kicks her out onto the street!"

"Did that story have a purpose?" Izuru asked, tiredly.

"He kicked her out and she couldn't do anything about it! Know why?" Luppi exclaimed, nearly vibrating with information. "Because she had no rights to anything! Everything in that house belonged to him, everything she had he bought for her! Nothing she had was hers, and then she froze to death as a Russian peasant!"

A moment of silence met Luppi's speech. Two sets of eyes blinked at him bemusedly.

"So…" Izuru said. "The moral of this story is that if I don't get married I'm going to turn into a Russian peasant and freeze to death?"

"You fool's!" Luppi cried. "Did you pay any attention to the story at all?"

"No" Tesra answered.

"I understand your concern, but I really don't need it, Luppi" Izuru said, smiling smally. "Gin and I will do it in our own time."

"I didn't tell you all" Luppi said, taking the book and flipping through it to the last few pages. "Look here! After she died, he went and started canoodling with her sister Katia!"

"I don't have a sister."

"Why does no one comprehend?" Luppi groaned.

"Use real words" Tesra suggested.

Taking a deep breath, Luppi knelt down beside Izuru. "What I am saying" he said slowly, "Is that if you do not marry him, that means he's free to go to another person whenever he wants."

Izuru considered this. "I don't think that's too likely."

"Why not?" Tesra asked, releasing his knees and leaning back against the wall.

"Honestly? Usually he scares the hell out of anyone that comes in contact with him" Izuru answered. "However, some people consider that a turn on, so…"

"Is that what happened to you?" Luppi asked, smirking as he moved to sit beside Izuru.

"No."

"What did happen exactly?" Tesra asked. "There are a few rumors floating around."

"About how we met?" Izuru questioned, raising a pale eyebrow.

"Was it on a spaceship?" Luppi asked.

"…You realize how ridiculous that question sounded, right?" Izuru asked.

"Then tell the story, the real one" Luppi said, scooting a bit closer. "We promise not to tell anyone."

"It's really not that interesting of a story" Izuru shrugged. "We met when I was back in the academy, and got together when I became lieutenant."

"So it was an admiration lay" Luppi nodded.

Blinking, Izuru thought. "I guess so, the first few times."

"Why did you do it? Just because you admired him?" Luppi asked, frowning at the blonde.

"Is it such a bad thing if he did?" Tesra asked, somewhat quietly.

The two men against the wall looked towards him, mirroring each other's expression of surprise.

"I mean…if you admire someone it should be okay, right?" Tesra sounded more like he was speaking to himself, as he did not meet either man's gaze.

"I always thought you should be in love with someone before you sleep with them" Luppi said carefully, sounding as though he was afraid of scaring away a deer.

"Couldn't they be the same?" Tesra asked, finally meeting Luppi's gaze. "If you look up to someone, then couldn't it be love?"

"I think it could be" Izuru said. "Sometimes they can change."

"It worked for you" Tesra said, looking at Izuru. "So really, who's to say that it can't happen to anyone?"

"Loving someone and admiring someone isn't the same thing, Tes" Luppi said, scowling.

"Why not?" Tesra asked, getting slightly louder as he met Luppi's eyes again. "If you admire someone and you have for a long time, why can't-"

"You don't even know him!" Luppi yelled back.

Silence met Luppi's outburst, and it quickly became just as awkward as you would think. Izuru attempted not to stare at Tesra and wait for a reaction, instead focusing down at his stomach.

In the short time he had known Luppi; he'd never actually seen the man get angry, especially not at his best friend.

Tesra and Luppi seemed to have started a staring contest, with Tesra's face fluctuating between hurt and furious. Luppi for his part remained relatively stone-faced, not breaking eye contact with the blonde until Izuru spoke up.

"I think I better go now. See you later" he said, standing awkwardly and making his way to the door.

"Bye Kira" Luppi said, his voice quiet but very hard.

Izuru shut the door silently, and wasn't even halfway down the hall when he heard the yelling begin.

XXX

"This is nowhere near rare enough" Grimmjow was saying, prodding his meat with a finger.

"It looks fine" Baraggan said, working his way through a pile of what looked like bloody sludge.

"It's not 'fine' to me, I want it to make noises when I poke it" the Sexto growled, continuing to poke the already way too rare meat.

"So don't eat it, you spoiled brat" Szayel said, making no attempt whatsoever to eat the food on his plate.

"Oh, I'm gonna eat it. I'm just letting everyone know that I'm not happy about it" Grimmjow said, looking as though he'd much rather rip the Octavo's face off and eat that instead.

"You really do have to complain about everything, don't you?" Harribel asked coldly, doing the same as Szayel.

"I'm not complaining, I'm making my damn displeasure known" Grimmjow sneered at her. "And who asked you?"

"I'm making my displeasure known" Harribel said, turning her face back to the front and signaling that she was officially finished with the conversation.

"Maybe nobody cares about your opinion, ever think of that?" Nnoitra asked, staring lazily at the red triangle of meat speared on the end of his knife.

Harribel glanced to where he sat beside her, a look of evident self-restraint on her semi-visible face.

Izuru sighed quietly and glanced down at his own untouched food. He was nowhere near hungry now, but in about 2 hours he would probably be wishing he could eat three times this plate size.

For now he would need to keep himself entertained by listening to the conversation. The same one happened every night, like Aizen had drawn up exactly how dinner was meant to go, and if anyone deviated from it in any way they would be ground up and snorted.

For some reason that idea didn't really surprise him.

Today's meal didn't look like it was going to go any differently.

"Smells like puke from a mule's been ruminating on asparagus for three weeks" Yammy said, eating his meal anyway.

"And it looks even worse" one of the voices from Aaroniero's head piped up shrilly. "Almost like-"

"Inside-out road kill" the deeper voice finished.

"Shouldn't it just be assumed that road kill is going to be inside-out?" Szayel asked, playing a bit with a strand of his hair.

"I thought you just hit the thing and that was that" Nnoitra said, looking thoroughly bored with the conversation.

"No, there's usually severed bunny limbs involved" Szayel said, looking disturbingly pleased with the thought of innocent bunny limbs littering the interstate.

"Unless you have cleated tires, then you get inside-out road kill" the deep voice in Aaroniero's head said.

"That's disgusting" Harribel said smoothly.

"That's making me hungry" Grimmjow said, finally biting into his meat.

"Talk about something else. Maybe something that won't make me want to strangle every one of you" Baraggan said gruffly.

"Piss on you, old man. We can say whatever we want" Grimmjow said, his mouth full, a small line of blood leaking from his lips.

"Shut your mouth, boy" Baraggan said, looking to him furiously. "Or I'll give you something to yell about."

Grimmjow stood up, nearly knocking his chair over. "You wanna go, old man?" he yelled, grinning, his teeth red from the meat.

"Sit your ass down boy, or you're not going to have a head for much longer" Baraggan growled, looking back at his plate.

The Sexto let out a scoffing "Ha!" before his manic grin appeared again. "I'd like to see you tr-"

"Sexto."

The blue-haired man frowned as he turned to face the Cuatro.

"What?" he snapped.

"Sit down now" Ulquiorra said coolly, more of a command than anything else.

For a moment it seemed Grimmjow just stood and held the green look that Izuru knew he wouldn't be able to hold for more than half a millisecond.

After what couldn't have been more than 10 seconds, Grimmjow begrudgingly sat down, scowling at the floor.

A small ripple of reaction went through those seated at the table. Szayel smirked down at his plate, Yammy's overlarge eyebrows went up, Harribel's face turned slightly in Grimmjow's direction, and Aizen's smile became less perfunctory and more amused.

"Well," Aizen said. "It's good to see you all beginning to cooperate with each other."

Grimmjow muttered something.

"I think you're all finally beginning to get along."

Nnoitra hid a laughing fit under a fake bout of coughing.

"Indeed we are, sir" Szayel said, smiling semi-sweetly. "Indeed we are."

"Now, let us hope that you all can keep it that way."

"I've been thinking of setting up a sharing feelings circle" Szayel said, his smirk seeping from between the folds of his saccharine smile.

"That's for people with souls" Nnoitra said, continuing to teach his meat who was boss.

"You wouldn't be saying that if we had a sharing feelings circle" Szayel said, straight-faced.

"I'm going to fry your legs in butter and eat them if you don't shut your mouth soon, Granz" Baraggan threatened, tapping his knife against the table.

"Let's just say for arguments sake that we actually did what you wanted for once and shut the fuck up" Grimmjow said, glaring sideways at the older man. "Let's just say we followed the kid's example," he gestured towards Izuru with his knife. "And kept our damn mouths shut. What would you do old man?"

"I'd probably like you lot a bit more" the man grumbled. "At least the boy knows to keep his mouth shut, unlike you."

"Well excuse me if I express my opinion instead of sitting there like I have no tongue" the sexton growled.

Izuru felt his cheeks tinge ever so slightly, and fought not to curl into his default fetal position. He felt Gin's foot nudge him, comforting as much as a foot could. The side of the man's larger foot began to rub along Izuru's smaller one, trapped in military black boots that usually sent the blonde's newly sensitive feet into agony.

Attempting not to smile, Izuru lightly pushed back against Gin's foot signaling that he was alright.

"I think you should start showing more respect, Grimmjow" Harribel said coolly, turning back to look sidelong at the blue-haired man. "He has his purpose here, and it's a very important one, not that you would understand."

"You're only saying that because you can't have kids" Grimmjow grumbled.

For a moment it seemed the blonde woman was not going to acknowledge the man's comment, until she turned her face in his direction in her trademark glare.

"Low blow" Yammy mumbled, still lazily resting his head on an overlarge-fist.

"I believe you should apologize to Harribel, Grimmjow" Aizen said, sounding vaguely interested.

"But-" Grimmjow began.

"Now" Aizen commanded.

Scowling, Grimmjow slumped in his seat. He uttered a few grumbled words.

"I think you could be a little more sincere."

Heaving a great sigh, Grimmjow scowled deeper. "I'm very sorry, and I apologize to Harribel."

"Now Harribel, accept Grimmjow's apology" Aizen said, smiling.

Closing her eyes and sighing, the woman opened her eyes again. "Thank you Grimmjow, I accept your apology."

Izuru felt the corner of his mouth twitch. These little "apologies" happened nearly every night as well, and always sounded rehearsed; probably because they were done every night. It's hard to make something you say every day sound sincere after a while.

"You see? Sharing feelings circle really would help everyone" Szayel said.

"I fucking hate you, Granz" Nnoitra said, looking as though he wished he could throw his knife straight at the other man's smug face.

"Nnoitra, apologize to Szayel" Aizen said, looking a bit more amused by his great and terrible power to make people say sorry whenever he told them to.

"Make me" Nnoitra grumbled.

"I suppose that means everyone is done. You are all excused" Aizen smiled, leaning back in his chair.

"But-" a chorus of voices began.

"It was Nnoitra's decision, you may take it up with him" Aizen said, simply. "Excused."

Mumbling unhappily, the espada pushed back from the table. As they walked out, Grimmjow punched Nnoitra's arm as he passed.

XXX

Slowly, Gin was coming back to himself. He felt his fingers first, keeping a nearly bruising grip on Izuru's hips, which he released.

He could still feel himself trapped inside an immense warmness, which was still just a bit tight after the previous round of vigorous loosening it had just endured.

Beneath him, a few small breathless gasps were escaping from Izuru's red swollen mouth, his eyes nearly closing as he desperately tried to gain back his breath.

Admittedly, Gin had gone harder than he probably should have under present circumstances. Nothing a day's rest couldn't cure.

Freeing himself swiftly from the heat, he rested his head just north of the bump, smelling the sweat that dampened Izuru's pale skin.  
>So much paler than he was when he came, it was almost dramatic, if not unhealthy.<p>

Gin let his heartbeat slowly calm back down, feeling it just one beat off from Izuru's, which was still labored under his ear.

It was so different lately. Not that it was any less than it had been, because it still felt the same. But it was as though there had been a shift in meanings, making it…just a bit more useless, more of a way to pass the time.

Looking back up at his blonde pillow, Gin found his face a calm mask. Eyes closed, a few tears had seeped from under his heavy-lidded eyes and now ran in pale rivers down Izuru's face.

"Izuru?"

"Hm?"

"Why are ya cryin'?"

Opening his eyes, Izuru frowned. "I'm…" he reached up and touched his face, fingertips brushing across the wetness. "I'm crying."

"Are ya hurt?" Gin asked, putting both hands on the bump, feeling for a difference. "I was a little…"

"No, I feel fine" Izuru said. "I…honestly don't know why I'm crying."

Gin smiled and crawled up, pulling the blonde to lie on his chest. "Neh, I knew the hormones would kick in sooner or later."

"I'm _not _hormonal, I'm just…"

"Hormonal?"

"Emotional" Izuru said, sighing against Gin's chest. "The book says it's normal."

"Ya realize that book was written for women, right?"

Izuru smiled against Gin's pale skin. "I don't know what I am anymore…"

"Huh?"

"How can I be pregnant and still be a man? Luppi has me dressing up as a girl, and I'm starting to act like one. I guess I'm just confused."

"Ya know what I call that?"

"What?"

"Hormones."

Izuru slapped at Gin's chest, leaving behind a pink mark. "You think you're cute."

"Aren't I?" the older man asked playfully.

Izuru smiled again, a bit larger this time. "Maybe."

Grinning, Gin rolled over to lean above Izuru, letting some of his silver hair fall to mingle in Izuru's pale blonde ones. "Well, aren't I?" he asked. "Aren't I cute?"

Biting his lip, a small giggling noise came as response as Gin began to tickle the smaller man's nose with his hair.

"Ya gotta tell me, am I cute?" Gin asked again, leaning forward to rub his nose against the blondes. "Say I'm cute, Izuru."

"I don't know" Izuru laughed breathily, shaking his head.

Sitting back up slightly, Gin brought his fingers up to twine in Izuru's pale blonde locks. "Ya dunno? Well, I know somethin'."

"Oh really?"

"I do. I know," Gin leaned back down to kiss Izuru's sharp nose. "That you're the smartest, kindest, most beautiful man I ever met. And most importantly, you're MY man" Gin said, pausing to take in Izuru's blush. "Remember that."

Izuru smiled up at Gin, feeling the heat in his cheeks and the tips of his ears. "Oh…well…"

"And I'm proud ta say that ya still got a pretty tight ass."

Frown returning, Gin was pushed over to lie back beside Izuru, who turned so his back was facing the other man.

"'Zu, c'mon. Don't be like that."

"You're not even here" Izuru said, closing his eyes. "I can't hear you."

"Yes ya can" Gin said in a sing-song voice. "And ya know it was a compliment."

"The wind is making such strange noises tonight" Izuru said, eyes still closed. "It has such an-" Izuru cut off with a quick gasp.

"Ya okay?" Gin asked.

Izuru switched to lying on his back. "Yeah, kicking away."

"Nailin' ya again, is she?" Gin said, putting a hand on the bump to feel the rough insistent kicking. "She can be a soccer player."

"You are going to be so disappointed when it's not a girl" Izuru shook his head.

"Whaddya mean? A course she's a girl!"

"You're not a doctor, Gin."

"So ya saying ya don' want a girl?" Gin asked, teasingly.

"What I want is a healthy baby, whatever gender it will be" Izuru said, rubbing along his belly where he could now see small bumps signifying kicks against his skin.

"We ought ta start thinkin' a names soon, ya know" Gin said, settling beside the blonde, hand still in place.

"I know. Do you think we should know the gender first, though?" Izuru asked, cracking an eye open to glance sideways at Gin.

The silver-haired man thought. "Nah, what's life without a few surprises?"

"I hate surprises" Izuru said, closing his eyes again.

Gin chuckled slightly, letting silence lapse between them. After a few moments, Izuru's voice perked up again. "Gin?"

"Yeah?"

"What do you think of the walls?"

Walls? Something happened to the walls? Cracking his eyes open, Gin glanced around the dark room, taking it in. Something had changed? Where?

"The walls…?" he asked.

"Luppi and I painted this afternoon. You really didn't notice?" Izuru asked. "I got some in my hair, I think."

Looking around the room, Gin finally detected the subtle darkening of the walls, which he remembered used to be much paler, almost white. In the darkness he could tell they had a blue hue to them.

Looking back over at the pale form of his lover, Gin could finally notice small, almost unnoticeable flecks of dark blue sprayed around Izuru's blonde head.

"No, I didn't notice. They look nice" Gin said, twirling a finger absentmindedly in his lover's soft hair. "My messy 'Zuru…"

Smiling in the dark, Izuru snuggled up to Gin's side, sandwiching the bump between its parents.

Sighing contentedly, Gin wrapped his arms around him. "Ah, Izuru…" he said softly. "I think I'll marry ya one day…"

Izuru closed his eyes tiredly. "I hope so…" he whispered back.

Between them, the baby was moving.

XXX

Later, much later in the night Izuru had awoken to two pains; the pain of powerful kicks going straight into his ribs and the pain of hunger in his stomach.

Carefully slipping out of bed, leaving Gin sleeping peacefully, Izuru spared a glance at his discarded clothes near the foot of the bed. Groaning, he crossed to the wardrobe, opening it and selecting one of the robes Luppi had given him and slipping it smoothly over his head.

Silently making his way across the floor in his bare feet, Izuru begrudgingly admitted that it _was_ pretty comfortable. Opening the door and closing it with careful precision, Izuru calculated the routes he had already mastered to the kitchen.

The easiest way to keep someone from seeing him was to go along the way to Luppi and Tesra's room, but the fastest was along the espada's rooms. And taken into consideration how hungry he was, the faster the better.

As he travelled along his own hallway, Izuru tried stretching his back, shifting his torso around to accommodate the kicking. Still straight to the ribs…

"You must really dislike it in there, huh?" he whispered. "I don't blame you. I don't think I have a lot of the equipment you need to be comfortable in there."

He turned onto the hallway leading to all of the espada's rooms, letting the numbers flow past him.

"You really must be a girl to be so pushy. I can hear you now 'When I'm nine months old, I am _so _out of here'."

Halfway down the hall, a noise sounded. It was small, minuscule, even; just a small feather of a noise that fell onto his senses like a ton of bricks.

Small breathy gasps and moans were seeping under the door labeled: 5.

Blushing cherry red, Izuru prepared to hurry away when a familiar voice moaned.

"Ahh…Nnoitra-sama…"

Izuru felt frozen. Even the kicking had ceased, and his eyes felt wider than they possibly could be as his stomach dropped like an elevator. He was right. Luppi had been right about everything…

"Ah, fuck…Tesra…"

A series of frantic grunts and long passionate moans filled the otherwise still air of the hallway. A breathless cry resounded, signifying the end of the flowing noises. From inside the room, a few more sounds were made, the shuffling noises of movement.

Izuru was stuck. What does he do? If he stays he'll be seen and he'll have nothing to say, but he can't move.

The door opened.

Oh no.

Tesra stepped out, shuttling it and leaning back against it almost tiredly. His long hair was mussed and split, as though hands had been run through it many times. His jacket lay open, baring his chest and all the scratches and bite marks that were scattered on it. The skin of his neck was marred by long fingered bruises, and his hakama hung loose near his hips, not totally falling off yet. His hands and feet were bare from their usual coverings, displaying pale fingers and toes.

He leaned against the door breathlessly, a punch drunk smile on his face, as he pushed off from the door and started down the hall.

"Tesra."

Izuru had not felt the name leave his lips, but became acutely aware of the sudden jerk that went through the other blonde's spine. Jerking around, Tesra's brown eyes were wide open in fear as he met Izuru's blue ones.

"Kira-sama…" he whispered, paling.

The two stared at each other for a long time, Tesra's shaking becoming visible.

"What are you doing, Tesra?" Izuru asked.

"This is…I wanted to, he's not making me do anything" Tesra said frantically.

"Espada/Fraccion relationships are forbidden, you know that."

"I know, I just…" Tesra fought to find the words. "He's…I love him."

Izuru sighed. "Tesra…"

"I do, I love him" Tesra said quietly.

"Does he love you back?"

That seemed to freeze Tesra up for a moment. "He…I _know_ that he cares about me…"

Izuru shook his head. "I don't know about this, Tesra."

Swallowing a lump in his throat, Tesra bit his lip. "You…you're not going to tell Aizen-sama, are you?"

Giving another heavy sigh, Izuru shook his head again. "Of course not."

Smiling hugely, Tesra breathed out the tension he had been holding. "Thank you" he breathed, turning back to the hallway.

"You're getting in too deep, Tesra. You need to get out" Izuru said to the others retreating back.

After a moment's pause, Tesra continued down the hall, his footsteps making almost mournful pats against the stone floor.

With the kicking halted and his appetite diminished, Izuru waited until Tesra's footsteps had completely faded before following behind, back to his room.

XXX

Gorsh, that was long. Hope you enjoyed that, folks. I hope the wait wasn't terrible; I have been attempting to get these damn things up faster for you!

Thanks for reading! Shit gets real next time!


	7. Chromaggia

MP: Trying to type fast creates an occupational hazard for me. I am a very easily distracted person, sorry if it makes for lousy reading. Thank you all for your support! I really appreciate the reviews and subscribers! Disclaim me.

Cee: Madame does not own any characters, plot, affiliates, or anything even remotely connected to the city, county, and state of Bleach. Lyrics used are "Chromaggia" from Repo! The Genetic Opera.

MP: Kay. Story starts now.

XXX

"_Chromaggia, come take these eyes…! I would rather be blind!"_

The surveillance room was consistent. Tousen supposed that was one of the main reasons he liked it.

A hum was always in the air; the soft lull of perfectly working machinery. The air itself seemed warm; still in front of the moving images that he couldn't see. The only sounds present were the hum of machines, small muted words from the screen, and the unnoticeable sound of his yarn slipping through his fingers and onto his needle to join the already long chain gathered there.

Though he could not see them, Tousen had become intimately aware of every screen in the room, and where it leads and who was on it. Right now the Sexto was under the dome, apparently taking his frustrations out on the landscape, which offered no resistance. From the words he could hear coming from the east side of the palace, it sounded as though the Quinto was readying to depart into the desert with his fraccion.

He slipped the soft thread over the tip of the needle.

There was someone coming along the hallway now.

Tousen fought off a groan. It must be Gin. The month did end today, didn't it? He would be back again to bother Tousen and want to talk his ear off about things that couldn't even hope to grasp Tousen's attention.

But Gin always wanted to sneak up on him, so why should he be coming so un-sneakily?

And the closer it approached, the less the reiatsu resembled Gin's. There were flecks of it, residue, but it seemed warmer, not as intense.

There was a knock at the door.

Gin certainly never knocked.

"Enter."

He heard the door open.

"Um…Tousen-taicho?"

Oh please no.

"Would it be alright if I came in?"

Say no, Kaname! Say no!

"I suppose so."

WHAT?

Izuru softly closed the door behind him, expecting to be told to leave at any moment, walking into the room carefully.

"What is it you want, Kira?" Tousen asked, keeping his face perfectly balanced forward.

"Well, Gin told me you were in here every day and I just thought I would stop by…" Izuru said, well aware that this was possibly the most awkward scenario he'd ever walked himself into.

"If that is all, I would appreciate you going" Tousen said coldly.

Biting his lip, Izuru rocked up onto his aching heels for a moment, stretching his fatigued back. "W-Well, Gin told me you were trying to learn how to knit, and I just thought-"

"I know how to knit, I'm doing it now" Tousen said, a bit more snippily than he probably needed to be.

Taking a deep breath, Izuru began again. "Yes, but there is a difference between two needles and only one."

"I doubt it."

"I could show you if you want, it's easy once you get it started" Izuru said, stepping forward slightly to stand beside Tousen in the space usually occupied by Gin.

Tousen's frown deepened. Gin's boy teaching him to knit? Possibly the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard in his long life. He should send the boy back where he came from now, this was no place for him.

But…

The monotony of one link after the other for months on end had begun to eat away at his senses. Going on with the knowledge that nothing was coming from his efforts had frustrated him. And…what harm could be in it? Let the boy show him what he knows, and send him back, no harm done. It wasn't like they had to be friends.

"Fine. You may teach me, and then you are to leave, understood?"

Izuru pinkened ever-so slightly around the ears. "Yes sir."

"Good. You may begin" Tousen ordered, turning to face the blonde, and finding him much closer than he had anticipated.

Izuru went even redder as Tousen's hands, which had been holding his needle at his stomach, brushed over the top of his round 7-month belly.

"I'm sorry" he said quietly.

Tousen remained silent.

Izuru brushed it off, attempting to recover quickly. "So, uh, what you do is, you need another needle."

"There is one in the drawer to the far left, bottom."

Looking back, Izuru quickly found the drawer tucked away in the shadows. It was dusty, and hard to open, creating a sharp screeching noise as it opened. Inside he found another pair of needles, a half- finished green scarf twisted around it skillfully. Lying, almost lonely, next to it was an extra pair of needles and a ball of dark blue yarn.

Extracting the yarn and the extra needle, Izuru made his way back to Tousen. The belly had now just begun to affect his walking, making it a bit clumsier.

"There was some extra yarn in there, too. Since you can already make a chain, I think you should start a new one."

"Alright" Tousen said, pulling his yarn off of the needle, paying no thought to the hours of work put into its constant construction and reconstruction.

Izuru placed the yarn against Tousen's hand, letting the older man take it, finding the end and beginning to make a chain.

They stood silent for a moment, before Izuru spoke up. "Have you known how to chain for a long time?"

"Yes."

"Oh." Izuru said, wanting to go back up onto his heels and get some courage, but siding against it. "How come you never learned the rest of the way?"

"Nelliel had her accident before she could teach the rest of the way."

Izuru nodded silently, remembering last minute that the other man couldn't see it. "I understand" he said.

"Do you?" Tousen said, sounding severely disinterested.

"Yes. Well, Gin told me about it."

"He tells you many things, I imagine."

"What he can. There are still things he hasn't told me" Izuru said, evading Tousen's little trap. If he had answered truthfully and said that Gin blabbed everything to him the minute he walked in the door, he was fairly certain the other man could have seen it as grounds to go to Aizen about him. "I think your chain is long enough for practice."

Tousen nodded, "now what?"

"Now you just, uh, take the needle and put it through the first loop, like this" Izuru said, tentatively touching Tousen's hand and guiding it to enter the chain.

Tousen's frown deepened at the feel of the boys hand on his own, steadily guiding him as though he was not capable of doing it himself.

Fool.

"And now you wrap the thread around it like-yes, like that" Izuru said, hoping his voice wasn't shaking as much anymore.

It was painfully obvious to him that he was not wanted here, now or never. But Tousen's aversion to him had been present from the beginning, and Izuru, seeing this as a hindrance to spending the rest of his life there, decided to make a final bid at civility with the older man.

He'd been stuck on how to do this. In his desperation he'd questioned Gin as subtly as he could on what exactly Tousen did in his spare time, and that was how he had struck upon the knitting.

Coincidentally, he'd known how to as well; apparently being raised by and then spending his life around a bunch of women came in handy sometimes.

Picking it up again had been fairly easy, given he re-learned using string and chopsticks. Gin had not seen anything strange in this, and had not asked any questions about it. As far as he knew, Izuru was in the library.

"Now pull it through" Izuru softly instructed, shifting uncomfortably on his feet.

Tousen wordlessly complied, pulling the thread through to make a dark stitch. "Now?"

"Repeat until you feel yourself reach the end."

A soft kick was planted against his stomach, almost as though the baby was telling him to quit being such a puss. Izuru mentally told it to shut up and try being assertive when a head was resting right on its bladder.

Clearing his throat, Izuru rubbed a bit at his stomach. "There was, uh, some other yarn back there in the drawer if you would rather-"

"That's Nelliel's" Tousen said coldly.

Izuru sheepishly nodded. "Oh. I understand."

"I highly doubt that you do, Kira" Tousen said, still focused forward, hands moving quickly but cautiously. "You are young, you still know very little of this world or the previous."

Izuru worried the skin of his bottom lip with his teeth. "Well…I think I understand why you keep it."

"Come again?"

"I can understand why you keep her yarn" Izuru said, aware that he was practically leaping over the boundary line. "When I was a child my mother liked to draw, and she'd started to draw something with lots of trees when she got sick. She only finished one tree by the time she died, but I still kept it" Izuru said, rubbing his hand across his belly and giving a melancholy smile. "I suppose I do it just so someone will remember her. Is that how you feel?"

Tousen remained silent for a few moments. "I suppose it is" he said unemotionally.

Giving a soft sigh, Izuru gave his head a clearing shake. No more family talk, his emotions were already running out of control.

"Now what?"

Looking back towards Tousen, he saw that the other man had reached the end of the row.

"Oh, well now you just switch it, like this" Izuru said, once again guiding Tousen's hand tentatively.

Tousen frowned. He must be frightening the child, as his reiatsu was giving small quivers. There was a throb to it, hovering just beneath the surface, pulsing warmly every few minutes.

Tousen almost sighed. If the boy could keep handle on his emotions, this would be so much easier.

"You don't need to be so cautious, Kira" he heard himself say, not entirely feeling them leave his lips.

Izuru let out a small millimeter smile, flashing onto his face weakly, like a candle in the dark. "Yes, of course. I'm sorry sir; it's just a force of habit."

Tousen nodded. "Is that it?"

"Yes" Izuru said, retracting his hand. "Very good. Now just stitch along the side of it."

The blonde watched the other man's hands move swiftly in the semi-darkness, picking up the stitch again, fairly quickly, but still with a hint of caution. "You're learning very quickly, Tousen-taicho."

Inside his head, Tousen felt just the opposite. Holding two needles still felt strange and uncomfortable, and he suddenly felt his hands as much larger and clumsier than they were. He mind as well have been a caveman gnashing rocks together.

"How does it look?" he asked.

Izuru smiled again. "There isn't much to look at yet, but you're learning very well."

The baby kicked again, hitting his ribs.

Izuru gave what was meant to be a soft groan, putting both his hands on the spot he knew the legs were.

"What is it?"

Damn.

"Nothing. Kicking away" Izuru explained, shifting on his feet again.

Tousen's hands paused slightly at the mention of the baby. Of course, he had nearly forgotten.

"Tousen-taicho?" Izuru asked.

"Yes?"

"Do you mind if…may I ask you a question?"

"I don't see why not."

Izuru let out a jittery sigh. "I've heard that you don't really believe that I'm…well, you know. Is that true?"

When he'd gotten up this morning, this was not the day that Tousen had pictured for himself. How was he supposed to answer? He had no objection to voicing his opinion, but voicing it with an overly emotional and very jumpy Kira was not on the list of things he wanted to do.

"I have not been presented sufficient evidence that you are, Kira" Tousen answered simply, feeling the edge of the chain coming closer.

"I'm sure that if…if you could just _see _me, I'm sure you would know…" Izuru said quietly, looking back down at the dark ground. He perked back up suddenly, turning to face the older man; he lifted a hand from his belly. "Give me your hand."

Tousen turned his face towards the blonde, in as perplexed a manner he could without looking outwardly perplexed. "What?"

"Just let me see your hand for a minute" Izuru said, gently taking hold of Tousen's darker hand, the needle still stuck between his long fingers, guiding it down to rest on the left side of his stomach.

Tousen felt a soft fabric beneath his hand, covering a very solid mass on Izuru's form.

"Kira-"

"Wait, it happens every few minutes" Izuru said, keeping Tousen's hand placed steadily over the bump.

There were a few tense moments of stillness, before a strong kick pounded right against the palm of Tousen's hand.

Tousen's blind eyes went wide behind his glasses as his hand shot away from Izuru's stomach like he had been electrocuted.

Izuru looked on, the kicking now still. Restlessly he rocked back and forth on his sore, swollen feet.

Large dexterous fingers clenched and unclenched around the needle still trapped in the finger cage. Tousen's mouth was a hard, straight line, his brow furrowed in thought.

There had been power there.

The kick had gone straight into the palm of his hand, jolting and pushing him back, as if to say; "Keep away!" Along with it came a surprising rise in Izuru's reiatsu, which before then had seemed almost oddly low, lower than he remembered Izuru's being.

This child, this creature, whatever it was living inside of the boy, was powerful. Powerful enough to have a dramatic effect on reiatsu.

"Do you believe now, Tousen-taicho?" Izuru asked carefully.

Still looking deep in thought, Tousen gave a slow, steady nod. "I can accept it, whatever it is."

A larger smile than usual cracked across Izuru's face, and he gave a sigh of relief. "That's good."

"It's affecting your spiritual pressure, did you know that?" Tousen asked, searching for the loop the needle had been pulled out of.

"Yes, I've known. Szayel said that since I don't have the necessary equipment to nourish a baby I should try feeding it reiatsu. Lately it seems the baby is just able to help itself."

"That seems unhealthy" Tousen commented, finding the loop and continuing towards the edge.

"It's risky, but I'm being monitored very closely, and I'm getting lots of rest."

"Should you even be here now?" Tousen asked, noticing that without the throb of the kicks, Izuru's reiatsu was almost shockingly low.

"I feel fine" Izuru said, taking a deep breath. "If I wasn't alright, I wouldn't be here."

"Does Gin know you're here?"

Izuru took his bottom lip between his teeth again, eyeing the ground. "Maybe."

"You shouldn't be going places without telling him, Kira."

"I know, I just…" Izuru sighed. "It's nice to do something without having to get it approved by everyone else first."

Tousen shook his head, letting his braids fall into his face slightly. "You're young, that kind of thing still holds appeal to you. But that will change, and very soon at this rate."

"Didn't you ever feel that way, taicho?" Izuru asked, feeling the atmosphere of the room shift to accommodate the mention of adulthood.

"It happens to everyone."

"And then?"

"You grow out of it sooner or later" Tousen said, carefully transitioning to begin another row. "But now I think you should go back to your room."

"You're probably right" Izuru said, turning to the door and beginning towards it. "Goodbye sir."

"Goodbye Kira" Tousen said, his body still facing forward as Izuru walked the opposite direction. "Should I expect you again?"

As he reached the door, Izuru turned back. "Would it be alright if I came back?"

"I don't see why not" Tousen said, betraying no emotion in his voice or his straight back.

Almost smiling, Izuru nodded. "Alright, I will."

Tousen heard the door close, and felt the boys feeble reiatsu slowly fade off, the throb slowly returning. He supposed that he would need to bring a chair in here before the next time the boy came back.

XXX

"Alright, let's try this again" Tesra said almost wearily, running a hand through his blonde hair. "Lampara."

"Ramparra" Izuru repeated, trying to let the words flow out of his mouth without overthinking it.

"No, no; use your tongue" Tesra instructed, flicking his tongue to show the other man. "Lampara."

"….Rampara" Izuru said, falling back on his natural accent.

Tesra sighed, leaning back in one of the cramped chairs in the library. "Kira-san, how can I teach you if you don't study?"  
>"It's been pretty busy" Izuru said, well aware of the weak defense.<p>

"Not surprised" Luppi said, as he roamed around their small corner, occasionally plucking books from the shelves like apples from a tree, flipping through them in a thoroughly bored manner. "How many months is it now? You look ready to pop."

"Almost seven and a half now. I'm only going to get worse" Izuru said tiredly. "I can't imagine getting any bigger."

"Okay, focus now" Tesra said, sitting forward to lean over the Spanish dictionary before him.

"Right, focusing" Izuru said, attempting to sit up a bit straighter.

"Cómo estás?" Tesra asked, his fluent accent flowing smoothly into Izuru's dulled senses.

"Uh…bueno…supongo que?"Izuru said, the words feeling large and heavy in his mouth.

Smiling, Tesra nodded. "Y su familia?"

"Estan…lloviendo?" Izuru guessed.

Tesra sighed again, giving a patient smile. "You mean; ellos estan bien."

"Really? What did I say?" Izuru asked, blinking.

"Apparently your family is raining" Luppi answered, perched up on a ladder, observing a red spined book.

Izuru let his head thunk onto the table. "Damn you two and your languages."

"You have to learn it, everyone does" Tesra said, closing his eyes and leaning back again.

"It's not really necessary, though. I've been doing fine without it" Izuru said, voice muffled by the pile of books cushioning him.

"Mandatory, suck it up" Luppi said, replacing the red book and selecting a purple one. "What about French?"

"What _about _French?" Izuru asked.

"Maybe we could learn that and make it…I dunno, the new thing" Luppi said, flipping idly through the purple book. "Looks like a bitch though."

"Let's just stick with Spanish for now" Izuru said, sitting back up. "Tesra, should we- Tesra?"

The other blonde had slumped down in his seat, apparently deeply asleep.

Luppi looked down at him, shaking his head. "Asleep again" he said as he began to descend the ladder. "You know, this is the third time he's fallen asleep in the middle of things."

"Has he been staying out again?" Izuru asked, taking a deep breath in as the baby squirmed around inside of him.

He had never told Luppi about seeing Tesra leave Nnoitra's room, but he had guessed that the man had come to his own conclusion.

"Duh! Look at the bags under his eyes!" Luppi said, glancing at the sleeping blonde distastefully as he seated himself on the table. "Though you're not looking so hot lately yourself, Kira."

"I know" Izuru nodded.

Indeed he did. He knew that he had gotten much paler since coming here, but that shouldn't come as a surprise when you live in a place without sun. What had been alarming was when he had stopped gaining weight.

He still ate the same amount he always had, but the steady weight he had been retaining in his middle had begun to stop, leaving him pale and thin. Then the decrease in spiritual pressure as he gave it to the baby kept him looking constantly tired and feeling even worse.

Pregnancy was not agreeing with him.

"I guess it can't be helped, though. Doctor's orders and all that" Luppi shrugged, scratching his head. "Have you thought of any names yet?"

Izuru nodded. "A few, but Gin will only suggest girl names."

"Why?"

"He is positively convinced it's going to be a girl" Izuru said, rolling his eyes.

"Mmhm" Luppi smirked. "Am I to take the eye rolling as a sign you disagree with him?"

"It's going to be a boy" Izuru said surely.

"How do you know?"

The blonde thought as he smiled down at his stomach. "I don't know, just a feeling."

"You cheated and found out from Szayel, didn't you?" Luppi teased.

"No. Gin told him he wasn't allowed to tell me" Izuru said, giving a pale scowl.

"Does he know?"

"I don't think so. He likes surprises too much anyway…"

"Riight…so," Luppi scooted closer. "Have you talked to Aizen-sama about the…" he glanced at Tesra's sleeping form. "You-know-what yet?"

Izuru scratched at his head, feeling his longer hair slipping through his fingers. "Not yet."

Luppi groaned. "Why not?"

"I do not have the energy to go into a battle of wits with him at this point, I barely have it in me for Gin" Izuru said. "And why don't you do it if you're so impatient?"

"Aizen-sama doesn't know who I am! Look at me!" Luppi gestured to his sitting body. "The last time I was addressed by him he called me Miss."

"That's your fault. If you didn't look and act so feminine-"

"The pregnant boy is calling me effeminate?" Luppi said, tossing out a scoffing laugh. "Yeah right! Not only that, your hair is longer than mine!"

"Oh, shut up" Izuru muttered.

"That'll tech you to call me effeminate…" Luppi huffed, crossing his arms and pouting very effeminately.

"Who's effeminate?"

The two men glanced over to Tesra, who was blinking his eyes rapidly, rubbing a gloved hand over his eyes.

"Tes, which of us is the more effeminate?" Luppi demanded.

"Uh…like prettier or more womanly?" the blonde asked, his voice still drunk with sleep.

"Doesn't matter, go with prettier" Luppi said.

Tesra thought for a minute, "Probably you,"

"Oh, I see how it is" Luppi scowled. "I have a pink sword so obviously I'm the girly one, when Kira is sitting here seven months pregnant."

"You said prettier, not more womanly" Tesra pointed out.

"So I'm the more womanly?" Izuru asked.

"Well, look at yourself" Tesra shrugged. "You kind of passed the bar on womanliness at this point."

"What does that make you?" Izuru asked, frowning at being considered womanly.

"He's the character that dies before the first commercial" Luppi said, smiling as he stretched his feet out across the table. "And Kira is the one that gets killed having sex, and I survive because I'm a virgin."

Tesra blinked, frowning. "But you're not a virgin."

"It's my universe, I can be whatever I want to be" Luppi said, nose pointed towards the ceiling.

"Luppi, you may be surprised to find out that I am not the horny bastard you seem to think I am" Izuru deadpanned.

"You are, though" Luppi said.

"Even if I was, how would you even know?" Izuru asked, shifting in his seat to make his back more comfortable.

"Take a look at that neck of yours. My guess is that you either hold a vacuum up to your neck, or yeah you are a horny bastard" Luppi smirked.

Izuru's hand went up to cover the skin of his neck which he knew was covered in little bites and marks from Gin's mouth.

"That's not even my fault, though" he said in defense. "I don't like it anymore; it's just to make Gin happy at this point."

"You don't like it?" Luppi raised an eyebrow. "But I thought when you're pregnant you-"

"Yes, you would think that, wouldn't you?" Izuru asked drily. "Not me."

"Why not?" Luppi asked, aghast at the possibility of not enjoying intercourse.

"I just feel gross. My stomach is huge but it feels like my body is too small for it, then my feet hurt and I'm tired all the time. I do _not _want to be touched right now." Izuru explained wearily.

"Have you told this to him?" Tesra asked, leaning forward and cushioning his head on his arms.

"How can I? It feels like that's all I can contribute right now, and it makes him happy, so why stop?"

"I'm sure he would understand if you just told him" Tesra said.

Izuru shrugged. How was he supposed to explain that he felt if he did ask for Gin to stop, he would be seen as useless? In his current condition he couldn't do much of anything, he couldn't fight or do anything that was seen as useful. The one thing he could do was make Gin happy and keep having sex, even if he had no desire for it. And if he kept Gin happy, he was safe from pretty much anything.

"Wait, I have a question" Luppi leaned forward. "Do you…I mean, you don't come every time do you?"

"I do indeed."

Luppi's mouth fell open. "You can come every time even if you're not into it?" he gasped.

"It's a talent I've acquired over the years."

"But you…you don't…" Luppi fought, finally bringing his hands up to clutch his head melodramatically. "Ahh…"

"What Luppi is trying to say is; how?" Tesra interpreted.

Izuru sighed. "It's hard not to when his aim is that good."

"I know the feeling…" Tesra muttered, rubbing his head.

"That makes one of us" Luppi sighed. "No senses of direction in some of these people. _It _is about 2 inches to the left of where they seem to think it is."

"Wow" Tesra grimaced.

"Are we really talking about this?" Izuru asked.

"You brought it up" Luppi pointed out.

"Talk about something else" Izuru sighed.

"How about you practice?" Tesra suggested, handing Izuru the Spanish dictionary.

Izuru took it distastefully, looking at it with a great deal of disdain. "I'm never going to be able to do it, why bother?"

"You have to, it's practically required. We take languages very seriously here" Tesra said, stretching upwards and cracking the bones of his rams.

"Language and war" Izuru rolled his eyes. "Don't you have anything better to do?"

"Hm" Luppi shrugged, picking up a piece of paper and folding it. "War is a way of life everywhere; we're just more up front about it."

"Obviously" Izuru said, eyeing the wall to their right, which held an extensive collection of books labeled "Warfare: Volumes I-XVIII".

A crash resounded throughout the library as it seemed someone had kicked in the door. All three heads turned in alarm as the sound of approaching clinking was heard, Luppi having to look over his shoulder to eye the area the sound was coming from.

Suddenly, the impressively tall form of Nnoitra rounded around from the Insect section, weapon slung over his shoulder and hovering dangerously close to knocking over one of the shelves.

"Yo, Tesra."

The blonde shot out of his seat with what Izuru deemed to be barely reigned in excitement, as though he had not been slipping out to meet him every night.

"Yes, Nnoitra-sama?" he asked breathlessly.

That was yet another thing Izuru had noticed as of late; whenever Nnoitra was around Tesra seemed to lose his breath. Demeanor was shifted from when he was with Luppi to when he was with Nnoitra; there was no longer anyone else in the room. Just he and Nnoitra.

"We're heading out, hurry your ass up" he commanded coarsely, turning without waiting for a response from his fraccion. Izuru grimaced as the overlarge weapon swung just millimeters from knocking the shelf over.

Tesra moved to follow immediately, only pausing as Luppi cleared his throat loudly. Turning sharply as he remembered the others in the room, Tesra made a hurried bow to Kira, forgetting the other blondes dislike for it.

"I have to go now. Remember to study" he said quickly, rushing from the table and running after Nnoitra. "I'll see you tonight, Luppi-kun!" he called over his shoulder.

"Tesra!" Luppi called after him, as the man's footsteps faded off.

Izuru sighed. "What would you have told him if he stopped?"

Luppi shrugged, folding another clean line onto his paper; a rudimentary form of what could be the body of a bird. "I don't know…something."

"That boy…" Izuru shook his head.

"Not much we can do now. No other option than to let him chose for himself" Luppi said, uncharacteristically quiet. "I still want to slap him silly, though."

XXX

On.

He moved his foot.

Off.

He moved his foot.

Hot.

He moved his foot again.

Cold.

The water poured from the faucet once again as he turned the "hot" knob on with his foot, letting the tube get warm once again. Already it was up to and nearly over his chest, but he couldn't think of a reason to stop.

One arm was rested on the edge of the tub, letting his fingertips brush the surface of the water. His other arm lay similarly, elbow balanced on the white marble edge, his hand buried in and brushing back his blonde hair, which remained dry.

Exhaling heavily, Izuru turned the knob of the cold with his other foot, letting the tub become almost lukewarm. It was late…much later than he should be up, but he couldn't sleep.

Gin was still out.

After dinner, Aizen had called him and Tousen for a "special" meeting, and it had been hours since.

This had not helped Izuru's insomnia, which had been getting much worse as the pregnancy progressed. A bath had seemed like a good idea at the time, but in fact it only served to make him feel more alone. The sound of the water running uninterrupted by any other sound only served to isolate him further.

He hated being unable to sleep. Sleep was a default, something to do when he had nothing to do, without it he had nothing but his thoughts to occupy him.

Hot, he needed hot water.

He wondered if Tesra was back yet, or if Nnoitra had decided to spend the night out there. Of course, why anyone would want to spend the night out in the cold desert was beyond him. But whatever can occupy a bit of time could be deemed useful he supposed.

Izuru stuck his foot directly under the water, letting the skin quickly become red, shutting off the water with his other foot.

What was the desert like, he wondered. Not once in all the time he'd been here had he ever been outside. Would it be warm like a desert should be or would it be cold like nights were supposed to be?

He could go out and see for himself but that would require getting permission…

No, that was being unfair. Gin had never told him he couldn't go anywhere or do something. But having to check with him every time he wanted to go anywhere was setting up barriers he thought he had surpassed a long time ago.

Being here was eerily reminiscent of growing up in his father's house. Having to get permission to go outside, needing to get every action approved, living by a schedule, never being able to say "No" to an adult.

Nothing but perfection had ever been expected of him, and he had never given anything but. He had been taught that there was a method to everything; standing, sitting, talking, sleeping, fighting, thinking.

The method had been there even after his parents were no longer there to enforce it. In the academy it had been there, when he went to the Third it had been there.

And now here he was; a place where the method was non-existent and he could do almost anything he wanted, and he didn't know what to do with himself.

No doubt this wasn't where he thought he would be when he became lieutenant. It wasn't even a question if his parents would disapprove of him, he wouldn't approve of himself

If his friends could see him now…they probably wouldn't even look at him.

Hell, even Wabisuke wouldn't even talk to him now.

More hot water.

Not that he really even needed to worry about that any more. It wasn't like he was going to see any of them again. He did wish he had some company, though…

A hard kick was planted against his stomach, moving the skin the stretched over it.

Izuru winced at the pain, looking down at his stomach, which was submerged in the water.

"Oh stop…" he groaned, massaging his scalp with his fingers. "Whatever it is, I get the point, knock it off…"

Small rumbles were erupting under his skin, signifying a changing position.

Izuru slumped down a bit further, trying to lie a bit more comfortably, letting the ends of his hair touch the water.

Another strong kick to the ribs.

Groaning, Izuru took a deep breath and submerged himself in the water, letting his legs fall in as well. He'd never opened his eyes under water before, as he had always been of the opinion it would sting. But maybe he could just try it out.

Izuru squinched his eyes in fear, wanting to take a deep breath but being unable to. He braced his hands against the side of the tub, and quickly opened his eyes.

A blurry vision of the ceiling appeared before him, overlaid with a pink veneer, a few deep spurts of red flitting about the water.

What?

Bursting up out of the strangely colored water, Izuru gasped in the air as he looked down at himself. The water surrounding him was stained pink, a deeper, redder color erupting and blossoming around his hips.

Gasping in deep panicked breaths, Izuru rushed out of the tub, trying not to slip or trip in the sloshing water.

He reached out with shaky hands for a towel, quickly drying his legs off and seeing small spots of blood staining the white fabric. Looking closer, he made out a thick trail of blood cascading down from between his pale thighs.

Oh God.

The baby, he was losing the baby.

Drops of water were falling from his trembling bangs as they hung in a wet curtain around his ashen face.

Szayel. He needed to get to Szayel.

Izuru's wet feet padded against the tiled floor as he clumsily ran from the bathroom to the bedroom, throwing open the door of the wardrobe and tossing the first thing he saw over his head, probably one of those flowy monstrosities Luppi was fond of giving him.

Izuru's mind raced millions of miles faster than his body could.

It was the middle of the night he'd have to wake Szayel up but would Szayel even be there? And Gin would come back and not know where he was and he'd get worried and the tub he didn't empty the tub but he needed to tell Gin he was leaving-

He felt the blood slowly going down his legs.

Oh, fuck Gin, this was _his _baby!

Izuru threw open the door of the room, barely registering the need to close it, as he forced his slippery legs to move faster than they could with the belly.

He had slipped, earlier that day he had slipped on the stairs but he had only hurt his knees, it wasn't near his stomach, could it be related? Maybe he had broken something, something vital to being a baby in a male body.

Oh no oh no, just hold on. He was going to get this all sorted out, the baby just needed to hold on for a little bit longer.

He could feel the flow stopping, not flowing as heavily, but his legs were wet and he could see the white fabric covering them becoming stained with deep red and smearing on the soles of his feet. As he ran, he could see himself leaving bloody footprints on the floor.

His wet hair swept back from his face as he ran, dampening the back of the robe.

Last hallway, then he was there and-  
>As Izuru rounded the corner into the last hallway where Szayel's laboratory was located at the end of the hall, he felt compelled to freeze.<p>

Blood.

More blood than he had smeared on him was trailed in puddles and footprints on the floor and some touched to the wall, as though a bloody hand had reached out to brace itself. All along the length of the sterile white hallway was blood, streaked along the floor in staggering footsteps, splattered in puddles, spotted along the walls.

Izuru stepped forward tentatively, shaking and feeling suddenly very cold as his own bloody steps mingled with the others. He placed his trembling hands on the bump, which was silent and still, as though it would steady him.

So much blood…from where? Had there been an accident, or a fight? What had caused all this blood?

Dazedly, he stepped into one of the puddles, letting a foreign blood soak his foot and go between his toes.

The door to Szayel's lab loomed in front of him, a bloody handprint plastered on it, still wet and dripping, leading into a smeared mark showing that it had been pulled open. A small crack opened the door, and Izuru pulled it open with his pale fingertips, walking inside on numb and bloody feet.

Still dark, the lab seemed to have been thrown into further chaos. Files hung half-hazardly from the walls, and a crowd of people had formed.

Some were Sail's fraccion; the others were what Izuru knew to be the medics, a sad arrancar shadow of the Fourth Division. They ran about, twittering nervously like birds, focused around an epicenter that Izuru could not see.

Szayel himself was in the midst of it all, a file hanging from his hands, peering interestedly between that and what everyone seemed to be crowding around. When he glanced up to see Izuru framed in the doorway, robe bloody and hair wet, he snapped it shit and sighed.

Making his way from out of the crowd, Szayel began talking even before he was in front of Izuru. "Well, well, look at this. It really appears all hell has broken loose tonight."

"Yes" Izuru nodded. "Szayel-san-"

"I told you not to call me that" Szayel sing-songed as he took in Izuru's appearance up close. "My, my…"

"I know, but I'm…" Izuru fought to find words as Szayel continued to nonchalantly take in his appearance. "I'm bleeding…"

"Hm…yes, indeed you are" Szayel said calmly. Heaving a deep sigh, he took hold of Izuru's bloody robe. "Come along, I'll take a look at you."

The pink-haired man began to pull him along past the crowd as he called out orders.

"You lot can manage hi for now, I need to check up on Kira."

A flurry of nodding as they passed.

"What happened, Szayel?" he asked quietly, trying to see past the horde gathered around their center.

"A little trouble out in the desert with Nnoitra and that boy of his. Not sure what happened exactly, but Nnoitra appears to be uninjured" Szayel's amber gaze flicked over to the crowd, which seemed to be slowly dispersing as order was trying to raise its head. "I wish I could say the same for him, though,"

Izuru numbly registered this, connecting the dots quietly in his mind. All of the blood in the hall had been…

He turned his head back around, though Szayel continued to pull him deeper into the lab, looking back to the diminishing crowd. As hands and bodies parted to reveal a body, clothed in fabric that used to be white but was now totally red, dark matted hair concealed a pale face with an aqua stripe across the right cheek.

"Tesra…"

The bloody figure raised its head, letting it nearly tip back in pain and lack of blood. Blood smeared on the left cheek, a large brown eyes peering groggily at him. The right side of the face was almost totally covered by blood, obscuring the mark and skin, as the red fluid leaked from the spot where an eye should have been. In its place was an empty socket, shining deep, dark, and red with blood and the makings of what used to be an eye.

Izuru let this vision slowly fade from his sight as he was pulled away, deep into the lab. When he could no longer see the bloody figure that used to be Tesra, he turned his face back to the front.

Pulling himself from Szayel's grasp, Izuru placed both his hands back on the bump, bent forward and emptied the contents of his stomach onto the floor.

XXX

A while later. Perhaps an hour, perhaps even more, Izuru stood outside of Tesra's room in the makeshift hospital. The blood was gone from his legs and his feet, which he had allowed an unnamable arrancar to scrub until his nerves were flaming. In the place of the wet and bloody robe was a cleaner one, concealed by a blanket wrapped around his shoulders in an attempt to stop his shaking.

Medics filtered in and out of the room silently, some leaving with arms full of bloody sheets.

He had stood for uncountable minutes, gaze trained forward and messy, but dry, hair hanging limply in his face.

There had been no danger to himself or the baby, Szayel had reported. It had most likely been the caused by rough sex, and he was told to cease it for the remainder of the pregnancy. His baby was alright, and he was alright.

Now he stood, letting fatigue begin to surge beneath his skin, but feeling no will to move just yet.

Taking a deep breath, Izuru turned his head, looking towards the door of Tesra's room, waiting for a medic to appear. Not a second later did one, a girl it looked like, and Izuru reached out to grab the sleeve of her dark robe.

She looked up at Izuru fearfully, though he doubted he looked very scary in his present state.

"Yes, Kira-sama?" she asked, small but steady.

He couldn't find the energy to get annoyed at the honorific, so he opted instead to just talk. "I want you to do two things for me. I want you to go and wake up Luppi Antenor; tell him that Tesra had an accident and that he's with Kira in the lab. Second, I want you to go find Ichimaru-sama, and tell him I'm here and to come find me when he is finished. Do you understand?"

The girl nodded surely. "Yes sir."

Izuru nodded back. "Good. Now go, and be fast."

Without another word, the girl ran off, through the lab and out the door.

Leaning back against the wall, Izuru once again let the arrancars slowly leave the room. He did not see Nnoitra; signifying he was either in another area of the lab, or he was not there at all.

A steady beat was bursting in his belly. Hiccups.

Smiling gently, Izuru rubbed a finger softly over his stomach, hoping to ease the small bubble away. At the same moment he wanted them to stay; as they were proof his baby was alive.

And strong.

Ever so slowly, the room emptied out, and the door was closed as the last arrancar filed out. A male arrancar with a boned mask over the left side of his face closed the door softly, before turning to Kira and sinking into a deep bow.

"We are finished now, Kira-sama. You may go in if you like, but he still unconscious."

Izuru nodded. "Thank you."

Rising from the bow, the arrancar took his leave, letting Izuru be alone in the hall.

He looked at the door. Did he really want to go in? He wanted to make sure Tesra was alright, but what if he wasn't? The image of nothing but an empty socked where Tesra's eye had been had secured itself in his mind.

Taking a shuddering breath, Izuru reached out his hand and opened the door.

The room was in semi-darkness, a small lamp resting on a table near the bed cast a warm light over the room. Like many rooms in Los Noches, it was fairly bare; save for the table, the bed, and a counter along the wall that held all manner of instruments and supplies.

In the bed, Tesra lie partly visible in the dark. As Izuru approached, he was aware that the dreaded socket was covered by bandages that twined through his hair, which had been cut shorter to accommodate the bandages. His torso was covered by a blanket, but he guessed that more bandages were wrapped there.

Izuru awkwardly sat at the side of the bed, looking on as Tesra's chest rose and fell shallowly to the beat of a machine. Tentatively, he reached out a hand and took the other blondes hand, running his thumb over the back of the pale hand soothingly.

It was an eerie feeling of déjà vu being here, sitting beside another hospital bed, holding another hand. First with mother, then Hinamori, and here he was again. Why did it seem that wherever he went he always wound up in a hospital?

Tesra's hand gave a small twitch in his own, but showed no sign of opening his now single eye anytime soon.

How had this happened? A vague connect the dots game was being played in his mind with bits and pieces of information, and it all pointed towards a conclusion Izuru hoped he wouldn't have to face just yet.

An abrupt noise of feet slapping along the floor alerted him to an approaching figure moving very fast from the sound of the steps. Nearly running past the open door, Luppi back tracked to stand against the vague light of the hallway and halfway into the light of the room.

He was dressed in white nightclothes, with small drops of paint and streaks of marker scattered about the top, his hair messy and fresh from bed.

After taking in Izuru's equally as disheveled appearance, Luppi turned his gaze to the bedridden form of his best friend. He closed the door behind him without looking away, and began to approach the bed to stand on the other side, his lavender eyes very large and looking on the verge of watering.

Stopping near Tesra's head, he took in a shaky breath, not so much of a gasp as a small sound of surprise. "Oh…" he whispered, reaching out and taking a shortened strand of hair in his fingers. "It got shorter…"

"He's going to be alright, Luppi" Izuru said, looking back towards the dark haired man. "Everything but his eye is fixable…"

Luppi's jaw tensed, taking in deep breaths as his expression slowly turned from shock to anger. Releasing his light grip on Tesra's hair, he stood back, surveying the rest of the damage inflicted on his friend. With a sudden burst of inspiration, he ripped the blanket back to show the extent of Tesra's injuries.

Izuru's assumption that there were more bandages winding around the hidden torso was correct. However, the injuries themselves were not as extensive as he had pictured, in fact the only visible one was the one on his chest.

Though wrapped by bandages, a thin curvature of blood was visible beneath the thick wrapping. The wound stretched from his left shoulder all the way down to his right hip, curving across his chest with the familiar precision of a blade.

Luppi scowled. "I knew it."

Izuru almost stood, but decided against it, as he realized he didn't want to be within striking distance of the brunette. "Luppi, I'm sure it's not what you think."

"Bullshit Kira, both you and I know what it means" Luppi said, not separating his eyes from the wound. "He did this, didn't he?"

"I don't-"

"You were here; you must have seen something, right?"

Izuru's grip on Tesra's hand tightened. "Szayel did say that Nnoitra wasn't injured."

Luppi kicked the wall abruptly with his bare foot, sending a shockwave through the stone. "He did it! I know he did!" Luppi screamed, his eyes burning with unshed tears. "I told him this would happen! I told him to stay away from that _thing_!"

Luppi continued his assault on the wall, soon beginning to beat at it with his fists as well, screaming, his voice echoing throughout the solitary lab.

Izuru remained stock still throughout this, his grip on Tesra's hand becoming most likely too tight. As Luppi's fit began to die down, leaving the man's fists sore and his breathing erratic, Izuru finally stood. "Luppi-"

At that moment, a tall looming shadow fell over the room, and its occupants. Standing in the doorway, illuminated by both the cold light of the hall and the warm light of the room, stood the slightly slumping form of Nnoitra.

The entire room was still for a melodramatic moment, as Izuru stood apprehensively, unconsciously still holding Tesra's hand. Nnoitra regarded them with a fair amount of annoyance mixed with an overwhelming tiredness that seemed to ooze from his skin.

Luppi stood, eyes large and already shrink-wrapped in tears, his chest rising and falling rapidly. In the space of a few moments, his face changed from shocked hurt to complete murderous rage. Not a moment later, he had shot in front of the taller man, and began to very violently beat at him with his already worn hands.

"You bastard!" he yelled, delivering a blow to Nnoitra's stomach. "You fucking bastard! How can you do this to him?"

Nnoitra looked down at Luppi with the same tiredness he had when he entered, seeming to have no interest in either acknowledging the blows, or fighting back.

Still stuck at Tesra's bedside, Izuru looked on with pity as the tears finally broke from the prison of Luppi's eyes and cascaded down his cheeks with painful abandon.

Luppi's fists landed again and again, gaining no strength but getting faster as Luppi's voice rose in pitch.

"You ungrateful, weakling insect!" he screamed, voice straining. "You are _never _going to see him again! I'll make sure you never see him again!"

Nnoitra's fist landed on Luppi's cheek with speed only an espada could have, sending his much smaller combatant spiraling to the floor, an expression of shock on his tearstained face, as though he had been knocked into reality.

Izuru's own senses finally returned at this, and he found his feet moving him to grab Luppi's arm just as the other man jumped up to begin a second assault. "Luppi, stop!"

"Go back to your room, kid" Nnoitra sneered, baring his overlarge teeth. "Let the shrimp fight his own battles."

Luppi made to run forward again, only stopped by Izuru's restraining grip.

"Leave, Nnoitra" Izuru said coldly, tightening his grip on Luppi's arm.

The Quinto's dark eye narrowed to only a shadowed slit, a clear and burning rage beginning to smolder in his face. "What?"

"I told you to leave, you aren't welcome here" Izuru said, letting an unfamiliar and commanding tone enter his words.

Nnoitra glared at him, seeming stuck between delivering Izuru his own punch, and realizing exactly who it was he was talking to. He broke eye contact with the shorter man, sparing a glance to the form of his fraccion in the bed.

Closing his eye, and giving an annoyed sigh, Nnoitra scowled back down at Izuru as his eye opened. "You better watch yourself, kid. Ichimaru ain't always going to be around to protect you, and when he's gone; you're mine."

Izuru set his jaw, steeling himself not to break eye-contact first. "We'll see."

Scowl deepening, Nnoitra at last turned and exited the room, slamming the door as he did.

A quick exhale escaped from Izuru's mouth, the beating of his heart pounding against his chest finally becoming prominent.

Had he really just done that?

Apparently he had, as Luppi was looking at him with a mixture of fascination and concern as Izuru's breath attempted to catch up with his heart.

"Ne, Kira, calm down before you give yourself a heart attack" he said quietly, not wiping his face just yet.

Izuru nodded silently, and turned back to sit on the edge of the bed.

Luppi sniffled, rubbing at his cheek, which was beginning to darken to a deep purple. "He won't go after you, I don't think. It would be his funeral if he did."

Walking himself to sit on the floor beside Tesra's bed, Luppi's eyes began to water, and he sniffled again, putting his face in the blankets to shield himself from looking closer at Tesra's wounds. Once his face was hidden, it seemed the tears burst forth, staining the blanket with the sorrowful liquid. His shoulders began to quiver as the tears gained momentum. "He's going to hate me, Kira…"

Izuru felt himself draining, feeling all energy slowly emptying his veins and leaving him more tired than he had ever felt. He closed his eyes, letting numbness overtake him.

As consciousness slowly seeped out of him, Izuru's mind uttered one final thought that broke the fragile pin of his will.

He wanted to go home.

XXX

His fingers twitched, and his eyes fought to open.

Glued shut with sleep, Izuru allowed himself to remain blind to the world for a few moments longer and instead simply let himself be lifted softly up and down to the best of another heart.

There was a heavy warmness about his shoulders, that didn't quite reach down to his feet and left them bare.

At last, his eyes blinked themselves open, meeting the half lighted room he shared with Gin. It may be early morning yet, as his exhaustion was still heavy and bone deep, and his eyes burned to close again.

Beneath him, Gin slept, face smoothed over with calmness, all traces of his usual smile gone for the moment. The older man's arms held tight around him, still dressed in the robe from the night before. Across his shoulders was the blanket given at the lab, as their own sheets lie untouched beneath them.

His hands were so cold…

Curling and uncurling his fingers, Izuru felt a few soft kicks and squirms against the skin of his stomach. Smiling lightly, he eased a hand away from his face to go down and touch the bump.

Was Luppi still with Tesra? He would need to get up and see soon, because Tesra was sure to be livid when Luppi told him he wasn't to go near Nnoitra anymore.

Oh yes, Nnoitra…

He too, would need to be dealt with.

Personally, Izuru couldn't dish out punishments, but he knew that Aizen could. If he could go and convince Aizen to release Tesra from being Nnoitra's fraccion, then getting Tesra to stay away from him would be easy. And he knew just how to convince Aizen to do it.

The arms around him tightened slightly, and above him Gin cracked one eye open. Still bleary, the sky blue slit wandered about the room before landing on Izuru, and his usual smile crept lazily onto his face.

"Hey."

"Hey" Izuru replied, his voice still thick.

"Ya alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine now" Izuru said against the others chest.

"Good" Gin shifted to pull the blonde up to be above his face, before pulling him down to give him a deep kiss.

Izuru accepted it eagerly, feeling a strange need for affection pulling him closer to the man below him.

It was soft, lazy as Gin was slowly waking up. And yet, strangely, his aching and tired body wanted more, needed more. To be closer, to know that everything was going to be alright.

Gin's mouth separated from his, and Izuru went down to rest his mouth against the smooth skin of Gin's neck, kissing it gently, moving back towards the white shell of his ear.

"Ya scared me last night, y'know" Gin said, still slow from sleep, but more aware.

"I'm sorry" Izuru murmured, briefly breaking his contact with Gin's neck for just a moment in order to answer.

"Ya don' do that again, kay?" Gin said. "'specially leavin' the room all bloody like ya did."

"Mmhm" Izuru mumbled, sucking lightly on the lobe.

"I'm not sayin' ya need ta wait around for me or somethin', but tell me a bit quicker. I was runnin' around all over lookin' for ya before-"

Izuru cut him off with another kiss, pushing his tongue softly between the barrier of Gin's lips. Slowly, Gin's arms began to wind tighter around him, pressing his fingers firmly into Izuru's back, massaging gently.

Moaning at the delicious release of his tight muscles, Izuru pulled back slightly, licking the tip of Gin's nose before going down to kiss at Gin's neck once again, leaving wet marks in his wake.

He needed this. God, he needed to know that this wasn't a mistake, that this baby was meant to happen, that he wasn't just a freak of nature.

Pulling Gin up to a sitting position, Izuru slipped his fingers through Gin's hair, pulling lightly. His hands moving like liquid down Gin's neck to stop at his white robe, moving and pushing it aside to expose more skin.

He loved Gin, and Gin loved him, so why did he feel so lost?

"Izuru…" Gin said thickly as his blonde began to nip and suck at the exposed skin of his chest. "I talked ta-"

"Shh" Izuru hushed. "Don't say anything."

Pale fingers tangled into Izuru's blonde tresses, scratching at the scalp beneath and earning a little noise of pleasure. Izuru's own hands were undoing the clasp at his waist, slipping it off his shoulders.

Why did he feel so alone when Gin was right here? They needed to get closer.

He made quick work of the simple layer of clothing obscuring the rest of Gin's chest, ripping it away with frantic fingers. The second the fabric was around his lovers shoulders, Izuru attacked the pale flesh with his mouth, biting, licking, sucking, anything he could.

Gin's fingers left his hair, going down to cup his face and raise him up for another kiss.

Still not close enough yet.

Izuru moved his own hands to the front of his robes, pushing the blanket away and undoing the tie keeping his robe together. It fell open to reveal first his chest, which was only getting smaller as his weight dropped, and down to the bump, jutting out strong and proud. He returned his hands to Gin's neck, pulling him as he leaned back to lie with his head near the foot of the bed.

"Izuru" Gin said, attempting to get the blondes attention away from undoing his hakama. "Izuru, hold on."

The other man halted his actions, looking up at Gin with barely registered need. "What?"

"Szayel said that ya weren't…ain't it a bit too soon after last night an' all?"

Izuru's lips gave a strange tremble as he looked up at Gin, whose eyes had inched open a centimeter to peer down at him. "I need you, Gin…I just…I need this, please." Inexplicably, he felt his eyes well up. "Please, Gin."

The older man peered down at him, and Izuru wasn't sure if he could see the want, the hurt, the desperation in his eyes, but slowly he lowered down to press his lips to Izuru's forehead.

It seemed in that moment that they had reached a conclusion.

This wasn't about pleasure anymore; it was only about reassurance.

XXX

I apologize for the wait, and if I put a lot of spelling mistakes in this one, I was in a hurry to get it up.

Yeah, not much Gin, but that's okay, right? I think the coming chapters will be getting shorter, so hang in there.

Thanks for reading!


	8. Vicious Circle

MP: MEANWHILE BACK IN SAN FRANCISCO…that is essentially the theme of this chapter.

Cee: MissyPessimisty doesn't own any plot lines, characters, or anything even remotely associated to the city, county, and state of Bleach. That's all Kubo. Quote used is Roberto Assagioli.

MP: Kay thanks. Story starts now.

XXX

"_Without forgiveness life is governed by…an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation."_

"Ikka?"

"Whaddya want?"

"When do you think he'll snap out of it?"

Ikkaku looked up from the half hazardly thrown together report he was filling out. Apparently there were some drawbacks to having a small child as your lieutenant; you get all her paperwork lest she doodle and spit all over it. And the papers he couldn't shove off on the lower seats usually took up all his time as he was easily distracted. Even more so today because Yumichika had decided to join him in the otherwise empty office.

Across the room his dark-haired friend lounged back in his chair, small feet propped lightly on top of what would be Yachiru's desk if she ever bothered to sit behind it, ankles crossed. He was looking up and away from the menial task Ikkaku had given him in favor of looking out the window behind him.

Frowning and craning his neck to see what Yumichika was looking at, Ikkaku caught a glimpse of what was probably the 9th division lieutenant crossing the compound with an armful of the Sereitei Bulletin.

Rolling his eyes and going back to his paperwork, Ikkaku shook his head. "Dunno Yumi, go ask him yourself. The two of you live together, for fucks sake."

"He doesn't like to talk about it, and every time I do he gets irritable" Yumichika said, brushing a stray strand of hair away from his face. "I've tried explaining to him that all of this frowning is going to give him wrinkles, but he just doesn't listen to me."

"Hm" Ikkaku grunted, scratching out another word on the paper. "He smacked you yet, Yumi?"

"He knows if he does it means he doesn't want his lungs anymore" Yumichika said nonchalantly, observing his nails.

"Damn surprised he hasn't" Ikkaku muttered.

Yumichika huffed. "You three must be in this together, since you're so mean and horrible to me."

"Three?" Ikkaku looked up from the paper again, furrowing his brow and creating wrinkles up into his non-existent hairline. "I'm thinkin' you skipped a step there, kid."

"You, Shuhei, and Kira are all in this together to make my life miserable!" Yumichika said, crossing his arms across his chest and turning back to face the window.

Ikkaku groaned and let his head fall to land on the desk with a loud thump. "So that's it…"

"Yes it is! Ever since that bleach-blonde little trouble maker left, he's all Shu can think about" Yumichika scowled as beautifully as he could.

"He didn't leave, nobody knows where he went" Ikkaku said, sighing and feeling the hollowness of the words.

"Don't pull that with me, Ikka. Everybody knows exactly where he is and exactly who he's with."

Ikkaku rubbed at the back of his neck, feeling a knot forming.

Fucking deskwork.

"Well apparently Hisagi doesn't know that" he said.

Yumichika sighed. "He's ridiculous; it's all he thinks about! That is valuable time he could be spending thinking about me!"

"It's not always about you."

"That's crazy talk!"

Ikkaku felt a throb in his temple forming as he scratched out another word on the paper, making the entire report look like it had been punched full of holes. "You could try to understand a bit, yeah?"

Yumichika pulled out a nail file and began to rub away at the nails of his left hand. "Why ever would I do that?"

"What would you do if it was me out in Hueco Mundo?"

"But that would never happen" Yumichika said incredulously.

"Let's say that it did; what would you do?" Ikkaku asked, glancing at the few papers he had given Yumichika that lay forgotten in the other man's lap.

"That depends, did you leave on your own or were you forced?" the dark-haired fifth seat asked, blowing a bit on his nails.

"Shouldn't matter, you'd still come after me" Ikkaku said. "Right?"

"Hm" Yumichika thought, beginning the other hand. "That would depend."

"Yumi."

Sighing, he looked up and away from his nails, giving his best friend a tired lavender stare. "Fine, I would go after you."

"So you can see why Hisagi is moping around. No easy deal losing your best friend" Ikkaku said, leaving a large ink blot on the paper.

Yumichika cleared his throat, giving the bald-headed man a pointed look.

Ikkaku looked up obliviously. "…What?"

"This is the part where you tell me you would go after me too" Yumichika said.

"Fuck that, I'd let them keep ya."

"_What_?" Yumichika cried, his foot sliding from the desk and hitting the floor with a crack. "I really don't believe how awful you are to me! You know, I've changed my mind, I _wouldn't _come and get you after all!" he picked up his chair, turning it to face the wall and letting his back show his annoyance. "To think I'm always so nice to you-"

"Aw, shut up. You know the only reason I'd leave ya is because I know you're strong enough to fight yourself out" Ikkaku said, smirking.

Yumichika pursed his lips, crossing his arms. "Hmph."  
>Ikkaku sighed. "Yumichika, don't be a brat."<p>

The other man remained silent, letting his foot start an irritated tap.

"C'mon. Finish up those reports and you can go have fun with some of the new guys" Ikkaku offered, enticingly.

Yumichika turned his head to glance over his shoulder, his feathered gaze pleased once again. Giving an excited giggle, he jumped out of his chair and bounced across the room to plant himself in Ikkaku's lap, throwing his arms around the bald man's neck. "Oh, you are good to me, Ikka! I'm sorry" he smiled sweetly, planting a kiss on his best friend's temple.

"Yeah, yeah. Just get your ass over there and do your work."

Smiling pleasantly, Yumichika sauntered back to the desk. "The men really do need this, you know? No finesse, no elegance. My teaching would be a blessing to them."

"Sure" Ikkaku said, sloppily forging his captains signature, which was sloppy to begin with and therefor unnoticeable. "Then you go home and talk to Hisagi about all this."

Frowning, Yumichika muttered a bit as he seated himself behind the desk again.

"None of that, talk to him and get this shit sorted out" Ikkaku said, readying a piece of paper.

Yumichika sighed, picking up his discarded documents. "You are difficult sometimes, Ikkaku."

"Be quiet and do your work" the bald man grumbled, scratching out his second word.

XXX

The air was getting colder. It was probably about time he started wearing haori outside, but Shuhei remained determinedly coverless. All magazines delivered, he was left to wander around in the place of heading back to his division and taking on the role of leader that had begun to grow tiresome in the past months.

And afterwards he would head home and try to be happy to appease Yumichika, then go to bed and start the cycle ahead.

Time seemed to crawl agonizingly slowly now, right when he needed it to fly most.

God, he missed Kira.

When Kira was here, Shuhei had someone to just talk at. Whenever he tried to talk to people, it became all about the other person, but with Kira he could just…be selfish, he supposed. He could say all he wanted and the blonde would just nod his head, and give out advice he was usually asked to give.

Was that why he left?  
>That night…<p>

He had gone over every detail of that night and everywhere he turned were clues that Kira was not doing well. The meticulously clean office, his even more drawn in posture, his tears…

He'd been so selfish that night. So damn selfish that he never bothered to ask about his best friend or tried to help him. Maybe if he had just asked, Kira would have told him what was wrong and…not left.

There were opportunities to stop him. He could have talked to him, kept him there longer, gone after him.

God, why didn't he go after him when he ran?

He could've stopped him, he knew he could have.

Shuhei clenched his fists, stopping to get his racing thoughts in check. A cold wind brushed past, and he found himself shivering in the gray evening.

He hated winter.

"Oi, Hisagi!" a familiarly boisterous voice called out to him.

Turning, Shuhei found himself standing outside the barracks of the Sixth Division. The owner of the voice proved to be Renji, standing tall in the doorway, a slightly lackluster grin hinged on his face.

"Abarai" Shuhei said, not wanting to be callous and nod, so instead turned to face the other man. "What's going on?"

"You wanna come in or are you staying out there to freeze your ass off?" Renji asked; his tone just as loud as always, but sounded as though a large hole had been put through it.

Shuhei looked forward, at the darkening road; cold and painfully vacant in the chilling wind. This was too reminiscent of the future to go towards, and he turned back to Renji, nodding his head.

The red-heads smile grew a bit wider, a bit of real happiness leaking through. He opened the door a bit wider, motioning the other lieutenant inside. "Well, get in here then."

Shuhei allowed a small smile to grace his features, which seemed to have grown tighter in his many months of not smiling. "Yeah, yeah."

He entered the Sixth Division, feeling the air warm and strangely silent where the division he remembered was usually loud. Renji and he walked in silence, following the silent hall, and Shuhei found himself wondering if someone was going to jump out from behind the corner with a chainsaw.

It didn't really matter, anyway.

Renji's room was as it usually was; messy and disorderly, but he seemed to have attempted to keep the floor visible this time. The door closed behind them, and Shuhei found himself needing to speak, "Why is it so quiet around here?"

Renji rolled his eyes. "Kuchiki is in one of his passive aggressive moods. The first one to make any noise is the first to die."

Shuhei nodded in understanding. "I get it."

"I really hope you don't" Renji smirked. "It's not a good feeling."

Renji got down on his hands and knees, reaching under the corner of his mattress and retrieving a bottle of sake, that proved to be still full as the red-head shook it. Turning back to Shuhei, Renji gave him a grin that matched the ones he threw out before everything changed. "Wanna kill this with me or are you going home to Ayasegawa?"

Shuhei found himself smiling, almost a real smile now. "I think I'll stay for a while."

The graying sky outside slowly began to shade, and soon the heavens were hung with black as the desolate day yielded to a starless night. Behind the clouds, the moon hid and did not see the two men slowly becoming drunk off of sorrow and cheap liquor.

And before long, the bottle had emptied, rolling away, landing to rest in a corner against the wall, one small drop landing on the floor soundlessly.

Renji leaned against the table, head hiding in his arms; he didn't seem asleep but Shuhei's own nebulous senses couldn't entirely tell.

The room seemed to advance on him, coming forward to attack him, and Shuhei fell back to land on the floor, his gaze going up and trying to steady the ceiling as it shifted. He took a deep breath, hoping to clear his mind slightly, but failing and settling on just closing his eyes.

"Ne, Abarai?" he groaned out, trying to let the darkness behind his eyes settle and not spin as much.

"Hm?" came Renji's voice, muffled by the wood of the table he was attempting to use as a pillow.

Shuhei wasn't sure if he should say what he wanted to, as they had only openly discussed Kira's defe-leaving once before, but he chose to take a chance.

"I miss him."

Renji was silent, but Shuhei heard the sounds of cloth moving, signifying that perhaps Renji had raised his head. After a few moments, and a heavy breath, he replied; "Me too."

There were a few tense moments as both fought to decide what should be said. Renji finally settled on slurring out; "But, y'know Senpai…he's been gone for at least…five months now…"

"So what?" Shuhei slurred back angrily.

"Well I'm just sayin'…y'know, if he didn't leave on his own or somethin', he's probably…five months is a long time…"

"I get it" Shuhei scowled, eyes still closed. "He's either a traitor or he's dead, you'd rather believe _that_?"

"I don't wanna believe either" Renji said, sounding very tired. "But sooner or later you gotta face facts."

"What does that mean?"

"Senpai…he's probably not coming back…"

Shuhei's eyes finally opened, the ceiling still slightly spinning, but Shuhei's emotions finally cracked the surface.

"You fucking believe that, Abarai?" he asked angrily, getting up to his knees to glare at his red-headed friend, who had gotten up to slouch in the place of lying on the table. "Fine, go ahead and think that, but don't ever say that in front of me again."

Renji looked back at him, still a little hazy but with a new touch of sobriety.

"And I'll tell you this: he _is _going to come back, whether I have to go all the way to Hueco Mundo and drag him back, or not."

"You know they won't let you do that."

"Why not?"

"Everyone thinks he left on his own. They don't want to waste time on what they think is a lost cause."

"Well screw them, because I'm going! I'm gonna get him back, and they don't need to have a thing to do with it!" Shuhei said angrily.

Renji gave a deep sigh. "You're gonna need to get the Sotaicho's permission at least, man-"

"Fine then" Shuhei slurred, getting to his feet extremely unsteadily. "I'm gonna do it now!"

"Woah, there" Renji said hastily, getting to his feet just as clumsily as Shuhei began to trip his way to the door. "That's probably not a good idea right now."

"Shut up, Abarai" Shuhei slurred, tripping over himself again and landing on his hands and knees. "And you're not allowed to come with me because I'm going to get a team of pirate ninja's together and we don't need you!"

As he attempted to crawl the rest of the way to the door, he found his sash trapped in Renji's fist.

"If you don't let go, you're going to lose that hand" Shuhei warned.

"Calm down" Renji said, rubbing a hand over his eyes. "You can go in the morning when you're slightly sober" he continued as Shuhei continued to try and crawl out of his grasp, but to no avail.

"You're not helping anyone by going up and making a fool of yourself" Renji tried to reason as he was nearly falling down himself. "Not yourself; and especially not Kira."

Shuhei paused, looking back over his shoulder at Renji, "Abarai?"

"Yeah?"  
>"You ever blame yourself?"<p>

Renji shrugged. "No."

"Liar."

Heaving a great sigh, Renji sat on the floor beside his companion. "Maybe I do…I guess I do."

"I do, too" Shuhei said half-coherently.

"Yeah, but we can't do that, man" Renji shook his head. "Whatever happened, it had nothing to do with us."

"I could have stopped him…" Shuhei muttered.

"No, you couldn't have."

"I could have" Shuhei insisted.

Renji smirked. "I'll just let you go on believing that for the night. Then tomorrow you can go and ask about getting him back."

Shuhei smiled back drunkenly. "And when I do go to get him, you'll come with me, right?"

Lying back against the floor, Renji closed his eyes and smiled. "Wouldn't miss it for the world, Senpai."

XXX

"You really do infuriate me sometimes, you know?"

God in heaven, smite Yumichika's mouth and tell the sun to shut up while you're at it…

Usually Shuhei could take the strain of being verbally berated so early in the morning, but he had woken up with the hangover to end all hangovers, and every syllable, every _second _of hearing was like being shot in the face.

"I mean, really" Yumi was currently pouting. "I don't see you all day and then you just stay out all night, what am I to do?"

Shuhei held out his arm. "You can hit that if you want" he said tiredly.

Yumichika gave him his scary 'I-could-very-well-rip-that-arm- right-off- if-I-wanted- to' smile. "Don't tempt me."

"Relax, Yumi" Shuhei yawned, leaning back in the chair behind his desk and running a hand over his eyes. "I was on my way home and ran into Abarai; we hung around for a few hours, the end."

"Is that meant to make me feel better?" Yumichika asked, raising a displeased eyebrow.

"Not in the least, just telling you what happened."

"Well, I think this whole situation is just an example of how little you think of anyone but yourself."

Shuhei gave a weary smile. "Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?"

The other man pouted prettily once again, perching himself on the edge of the desk and crossing his arms. "Fine then, be that way" he said curtly, facing resolutely away.

Sighing, Shuhei stood up, putting his hands on Yumichika's hips and rubbing them softly, "Okay you're right". He placed his head between the other man's shoulder blades, "I'm sorry."

He could almost feel the satisfied smile creeping onto his lovers face as he ran his hands over the fifth seats sides. "Hmm…" he purred lightly, "I might be able to forgive you, since you are so wonderful sometimes."

Shuhei let a small laugh escape, bringing his head back up and kissing behind Yumichika's ear. "Thanks, Cheeks."

Yumichika turned back around to give him an only slightly disapproving look. "You know that name bothers me."

"You asked for a nickname, I gave you one" Shuhei said teasingly, tugging at his lovers orange collar.

"I still don't like it, Shu" Yumichika sighed, leaning back and making himself comfortable against the other man's chest. "What did you and Renji talk about?"

Shuhei paused, tensing slightly before he realized Yumi would probably feel it. "Just the usual."

Sighing, Yumichika tilted his head back to look up at Shuhei. "You talked about Kira."

"Yeah."

The dark-haired man closed his eyes. "Why?"

"Why not?"

"It's…can't you just accept that he's not coming back?" Yumichika asked, looking back towards the wall.

"But he will" Shuhei said. "I'm going to bring him back."

Raising a delicate eyebrow, Yumichika looked back up at Shuhei. "When did you decide that?"

"Last night with Abarai" Shuhei said, avoiding eye-contact with the other man.

"And you didn't discuss it with _me_?" Yumichika asked with a scandalized expression.

"What do you think we're doing now?"

"Well, it sounds like you have your mind pretty much made up" Yumichika said coolly, "I suppose you don't even need to ask me."

Shuhei sighed, feeling his head throbbing in earnest. "Yumi…"

"What?"

"If you don't cut it out I'm going to need to have to give you the spanking you obviously need" Shuhei frowned.

"I'm only saying that you already made your mind up, it's not like you need to ask me" Yumichika said, setting his mouth in a beautifully displeased line.

"I want you to be alright with it" Shuhei said, reaching up to scratch lightly behind his lover's ear.

"Would you be going for yourself or for him?"

Shuhei furrowed his brow. "What does that mean?"

Yumichika looked up at him. "If you want to find him, would it be to help him or to make yourself feel better?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"I just think if you're going to do this you should be doing it for the right reasons."

Shuhei continued to scratch at the fifth seats scalp. "Maybe I do it for both, I don't know. But I will do it, Yumi."

Yumichika frowned, looking towards the floor. "Do you love him?"

The fingers at his hair stopped. "I…maybe I do. I think I love him the way that you love Madarame." He looked down at the brunette, observing a row of pearly white teeth pop out to quickly bite at a pink lip; a telltale sign of thoughtfulness.

"Hm…" Yumichika nodded. "And…you do love _me_, don't you?" he asked, tipping his head back to look at the other man again.

Shuhei smiled down at him. "Of course I love you, I live with you don't I?"

The pair of lilac eyes looking up at him lit up with happiness, and Yumichika sat up to peck him on the lips. "I love you too, even when I don't."

"That made perfect sense" Shuhei nodded, smiling as he reached up and removed the red and yellow feathers adorning Yumichika's face, taking special pleasure in the knowledge he was the only one who could do that and keep their hands. "There now, perfect."

With a pleased smile and a giggle, Yumichika wrapped his arms around the tattooed man's neck. "So," he said, planting a soft kiss against Shuhei's jaw, "You said earlier that there was a spanking coming my way…"

Letting his hands go up to massage at Yumichika's back, Shuhei smirked. "Yeah?"

"Just wondering if you wanted to…" a dark head dipped to kiss at the base of his throat. "Put words into actions and all that…"  
>Shuhei's hands slipped down to cup and squeeze at Yumichika's behind, earning a gasp. "Whatever you say, Cheeks."<p>

"Oh, shut up Shu-bear" Yumichika mumbled, pulling open the other man's shihakusho.

XXX

_The air was sweet and deep, and it was summer again. The stickiness of nature's perfume hung suspended in the air, balancing against the setting sun and the vast ocean of night, where millions of shattered stars would appear._

_He was lieutenant now, and could barely remember the child he used to be. Now he was a protector, a provider, leader of his own regiment, second only to Tousen Kaname._

_Under his feet, the grass was deep and green, crunching happily under his feet. Only thing to do now was wander, observe the lives that go on around him, waiting for the night. Almost unwittingly, he stood in the Third's training compound, where the sun set faster and the air seemed as though every breath was cool water._

_And there was Kira._

_He stood braced against a tall post, panting, a hand still grasping the hilt of his sword, hair still growing but not the innocently short style it used to be._

_The blonde head lifted up to reveal a pair of large dark blue eyes that gazed back at him passively, with no recognition for a moment, before remembering who was in front of him. His pale face cracked open to reveal a pretty smile, wiping the weariness from his eyes._

"_Senpai" he greeted, still a bit breathlessly._

_He jogged up to stand before the blonde, smelling sweat and the coppery scent of blood that just seemed to hang in the air around the Third._

"_Working hard?" he asked._

"_Yeah" Kira smiled lightly. "You?"_

_A shake of the head, "Not now, my work is done for the day."_

"_And besides, you've worked hard enough" Kira said. "I never got to say congratulations to you, lieutenant."_

_He reached back to scratch embarrassedly at his newly cut hair. "Thanks, from the looks of things it looks like you're on the way to becoming one as well."_

_A pleased blush spread across the bridge of the blonde's nose, and he quickly shook his head. "Oh no, don't say that. At this rate, I'll be third seat material, but I could never be a lieutenant."_

_He reached out and ruffled the others hair, earning a half-hearted glare as Kira tried to pat it back in place. "Come on, you're better than that, back in the academy all you wanted was to be a lieutenant. What went wrong?"_

_Kira sighed, looking towards the ground. "Maybe I changed my mind."_

"_I think you're painting the picture darker than it is, really. Ichimaru-taicho requested you himself, right?"_

_Kira nodded. "He did, but-"_

"_He trains with you, doesn't he?"_

"_He does, but Senpai-"_

"_Then you have nothing to worry about. Ichimaru obviously thinks you have potential or he wouldn't be wasting his time" he said, trying to sound reassuring. "Don't worry about it; I think you can do it."_

_Kira bit his lip, nodding. "Thank you."_

_Smiling, he sat down on the grass. "How's he been anyway?"_

_Kira frowned down at him in confusion. "What do you mean?"_

"_Ichimaru; how is he? Terrible?" _

_Sitting down beside him, Kira shook his head. "He's very good. He doesn't like to stay inside very much, so his work is usually left undone."_

"_How much of a mindfuck is he?"_

"_Don't say that" Kira scolded. "Ichimaru-taicho is…"_

_He snickered. "Don't think too hard, now."_

"_He's been very good to me" Kira said, looking at him with a displeased expression. "And he's been a very decent captain to this division, even if he can be a bit strange at times."_

_Nodding, he sighed. "Sounds like you're definitely ready to be his lieutenant."_

_Kira shook his head. "No I can't, not until I'm ready."_

"_When will you be ready?"_

"_I don't know, I…" Kira thought, looking back towards the darkening sky. "I think there are some things that I still need to learn about myself before I can…you know, be there with him."_

_He laughed slightly. "Don't overthink it, Kira. It's not like you're marrying him."_

_A deep red blush spread across the blonde's face, and he lowered his head._

"_Ne, Izuru!"_

_Kira's head shot up and they both turned to face the owner of the lilting voice. Ichimaru stood against the dark sky like a pillar of white fire, his fine silver hair glinting like steel in the dying light of the sunset. A large, unnerving smile was stretched across his face, his eyes shut tight, or at least they seemed to be._

_The blonde next to him immediately picked up, seeming caught between standing and sitting. "Yes, taicho?" he asked eagerly._

"_Ya shouldn' be out so late after trainin', ya could get inta trouble" Ichimaru said, playfully to his ears but perhaps something else to the silver-haired man. "Come with me, I'll escort ya back ta the barracks."_

_Kira went to stand, looking back at him apologetically. "We'll talk later?"_

_He smiled back, "Yeah, no worries."_

_Kira smiled happily and stood to quickly make his way over to his captain, who looked back towards the still sitting man and smiled wider. "Thank ya for keepin' an eye on Izuru for me, lieutenant."_

_He nodded back, having lost the ability to think of anything to say back all of a sudden, capable only of watching the two walk away._

"_Nee, Izuru" he could hear Ichimaru say quietly to the blonde beside him. "Ya look exhausted; best I get ya straight ta bed…" _

_The sky was dark, and the air was like bricks of ice dropping into his stomach._

XXX

Shuhei's eyes opened.

The sun that filtered through the closed blinds of the window was sharp and signaled the beginning of the end, sending a bitter taste to the back of Shuhei's throat.

Had that been a dream? Or a memory? It must have been; he had a recollection that was similar to it…

He was still in the office, resting on the couch he had sworn not to fall asleep on again. Yumichika rested on his bare chest, raven hair pooling over to curtain his sleeping face.

Damn, he had told himself he wouldn't have sex in the office anymore…

He never dreamed if he slept during the day, what was the significance of that particular memory?

There was a knocking at the door, snapping him out of his half-awake thoughts.

"Lieutenant Hisagi?" a voice called.

Sighing, Shuhei gently maneuvered Yumichika off his chest, sitting up to pull on his discarded hakama.

"Lieutenant?"

"Yeah, I'm coming! Keep it down" Shuhei hissed, glancing towards the still sleeping fifth seat on the couch. He pulled his kosode on, tying it hastily. Walking on his bare feet to the door, Shuhei opened it to reveal his fourth seat. "Yes?"

"Sir, lieutenant Abarai is here to see you" the boy said quietly.

Shuhei raised an eyebrow. "Did he say what he wanted?"

"He just said he wanted to see you, sir."

Glancing back slightly to the back of the couch that hid Yumi's naked and sleeping body, Shuhei nodded. "Fine" he stepped out of the room, pulling the door shut behind him tightly, nearly jumping the track. "Make sure nobody goes in there."

"Yes sir" the boy nodded as Shuhei took off down the hall to the main entrance, where the door stood open and Renji stood outside, arms crossed.

"Yo, Hisagi" he greeted with a smirk, displaying dark bags under his eyes.

"Hey" Shuhei said, smiling back a bit. "Looks like you have a bit of the overhang."

"You think? Fricking hurts, man" Renji said, grimacing

"What did you need, Abarai?"

Renji scratched at the back of his head, sighing. "Well, I was just wondering if now that you sobered up you still wanted to go through with that plan of yours."

"Which one?" Shuhei asked, remembering several 'genius' plans that had occurred to him over the course of last night.

"You know, go get him…" Renji trailed off.

Shuhei nodded. "Yeah, I am."

"You're serious about this? For him?" the red-head asked, his dark-rimmed eyes looking back at Shuhei's steadily.

Shuhei nodded. "As serious as I can be."

Renji eyebrow shrugged. "Alright then."

"Alright then, what?" Shuhei questioned.

"I'm backing you up" Renji said simply, crossing his arms back across his chest.

Shuhei felt his eyebrows rise up to his hairline. "You what?"

"You deaf or something?" Renji asked coarsely. "I said I'm backing you up when you go."

A strangely real smile spread across Shuhei's face and he let out a disbelieving laugh. "You will?"

"Don't make me say it again."

"That's…" Shuhei fought to find words. "That's great. So, when can we go ask?"

Renji shrugged. "We can go now if you hurry your ass up."

Nodding quickly, Shuhei smiled back. "Okay, just wait here" he said, before racing back inside, through the halls and back into the office.

The sun still shone, but the room seemed somehow darker as Shuhei hastily pulled on his tabi, trying to think of something, anything he could say to Yamamoto that would convince him to let them go. He needed an argument, but his mind was racing so fast he couldn't think of anything…

He bent over the couch, shaking Yumichika's pale shoulder. "Yumi?"

Yumichika groaned, curling up and trying to escape the shaking of his shoulders. "No…" he groaned out.

"Come on, Yumi, I need to head out for a while."

The other man's eyes peeked out, pupils still a bit large. "Where?" he asked thickly.

"Abarai and I are going to the sotaicho; he's going to let us go get Kira."

Yumichika nodded slowly, lilac eyes blinking in understanding. "Okay."

Shuhei bent down and planted a soft kiss to his lover's forehead. "I'll be back later, alright?"

"Alright."

"See you tonight" Shuhei said, turning back to the door, opening it slightly.

"Shuhei?" Yumichika called.

Turning back to the other man, Shuhei found him looking over the back of the couch, his hair a mess and the bites on his neck standing out sharply.

Nobody saw him like this.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"When you go get him, I'm coming with you, okay?"

Shuhei smiled back. "Okay."

He opened the door, walking out to meet Renji, soon finding himself breaking into a run, praying in his heart that Kira could wait just a while longer.

XXX

Dear God.


	9. Heartbeat

MP: (insert reason for updating late that you could care less about).

Cee: MissPessimist doesn't own Bleach, its plot, characters, affiliates, or anything even remotely connected to the city, county, and state of Bleach. This is merely homage. Lyrics used are "Heartbeat" by The Runaways.

MP: Story starts now.

XXX

"_Stop. Look. Listen. To my Heartbeat."_

When earlier Izuru had left the room saying he was going to talk to Aizen-sama, Gin had only been somewhat worried. But he hadn't given the matter much thought; because there were several reasons his blonde would go and see the ruler of Hueco Mundo.

He knew Izuru had been walking the razors edge since Tesra's accident, and he knew that the other man would probably try to get the kid away from Nnoitra.

There had been no cause for worry until he had come back to their room to Izuru all but passed out on the bed. His closed eyes were red-rimmed from a session of crying, and his limp hair hung in his face sadly.

Gin brushed back his bangs, inspecting the damage Hueco Mundo had inflicted on his little blonde.

His closed eyes seemed deeper, larger somehow than they had been before. Underneath them, dark circles acted as the rings on a tree stump; telling age and how many sleepless nights had been spent. The skin that was once a fair and beautiful paleness was now paper white and sallow, showing glimpses of purple veins hiding beneath, like mirages.

And his frame seemed to have grown thinner, tightening skin eerily over the incredibly large eight month old bump, which only seemed to swell as Izuru shrank.

Gin's long fingers brushed against the skin of Izuru's forehead.

It was so cold…

He seemed sick. The breaths escaping him were erratic, even when awake, and his reiatsu was very, very weak.

What could be done? Was it the pregnancy doing this? If so, then maybe he could ask Szayel to check in the next time they went in. But what if the problem was Hueco Mundo itself?

Taking Izuru here had seemed like such a good idea at the time, he was given what he needed, he was protected, and yet he was wasting away. At this rate, Gin was convinced that if Izuru even attempted to have the baby he would…

Pregnant people should not look like this. They should look tired, yes, but happy at least. They were not supposed to look like the life was being sucked out of them with a bendy straw.

Izuru restlessly turned his head in his sleep, moving towards Gin's still fingers, brushing his icy skin against the silver-haired man's already cold fingers.

His Izuru was sick; sicker than Gin had ever seen him before. Every breath he took looked like he was inhaling broken glass, when he walked it looked like he was stepping in a wasps nest.

Gin sighed. There had to be something he could do to help him; something that would make whatever was happening to him go away. And if Hueco Mundo really was the problem, then there was really only one thing he could do. But going back at this point would be a death wish for the both of them, it wasn't even an option anymore.

What could he do?

But…

Maybe the question wasn't what he could do, but what someone else could do.

They had been on alert for months; if the storm finally came to them it may be an opportunity for Izuru to get back to the Sereitei. And if Izuru got back there, he could be taken care of, he would be around his friends, and he would get better.

And it wouldn't be like before; he wasn't abandoning his blonde again. He thought that he could handle it, and he had been grossly unprepared. No, he wasn't doing that again, there had to be a way for them to be together, a way that works for everyone.

However, if he did this then that would mean turning his back on Aizen-taicho; on all the plans he had spent lifetimes making. Leaving all his plans and schemes for Aizen unfinished was certainly not what he wanted to do…

Izuru groaned softly, shifting around and moving his hand to grab at his stomach.

Slowly, Gin's hand moved down from Izuru's cheek, tracing down a long and equally chilled neck to rest on top of the bump. Beneath his hand, a sporadic beat pulsed along, not strong enough to be kicks, must be hiccups.

His child. This was _his child _growing inside of Izuru.

He was going to be a father.

Gin let his hand drop with a heavy sigh. This bump was going to be a baby, a living and breathing baby, very soon; and it would need love, a real father. A father that was going to be able to protect it and be there for it; play, wipe tears away, chase away monsters. He needed to be there for his child.

And Aizen couldn't come before this; he could no longer be the sole priority for Gin. Now the baby came first, and he would make it work, even if he had to leave to prove it.

He needed to show Izuru that he could do it, that he could be content to just be together; just the three of them. There was no need to ask if he had failed the "good boyfriend" test already: he had left his lover for months. Now he had to prove that he would never let that happen again.

It was a miracle that Izuru still loved him, still wanted to be with him, have his child. In the months he had left, Izuru had had ample opportunity to get rid of the baby, but he didn't; even though he probably wanted to. Gin had to show him it wasn't a mistake; that he was going to pull his weight in this.

He had hurt Izuru before, probably more than he'll ever know; but he wasn't going to do it again.

There are hundreds he didn't mind hurting, but not Izuru; not anymore.

Maybe Tousen was right, maybe it was time to grow up.

XXX

Truthfully, it hadn't been as hard as he thought it would be.

Izuru had stood in the Throne Room and lied to Aizen's face for an hour and a half.

Everything he could have possibly given away, he handed over on a silver platter. At a certain point he became unaware of what was coming out of his mouth, not unlike when he first arrived and he swore the pledge to Aizen.

Afterward he had been content to fall into a comatose like sleep, which had eluded him since Tesra's accident. He had slept through dinner, through the night, and into what he could only guess was afternoon.

Yet, even as his eyes cracked open he felt the burning need for sleep. He ached to be dead to the world again, to forget where he was and who he was just for a few hours.

As his eyes opened, a blurry vision of a figure beside his bed came through. Izuru fought not to groan as he attempted to keep his eyes open to see who his visitor was.

The hazy form of Luppi was slowly becoming defined against the white heat gathering to form a headache between his temples. The other man had his knees pulled up close to his chest, hands laced together to keep them in place. The brunette had his face pressed to his knees, letting only his heavy-lidded lilac eyes peer out, staring blankly towards the floor.

"Luppi?" Izuru asked, though it was more of a croak from his dry throat.

Luppi's eyes snapped to him, and he released his ankles with a tangle of limbs as he moved to face Izuru. "Kira, you sound like you French-kissed a bullfrog."

Clearing his throat, Izuru attempted to sit up a bit straighter, but finding his arms devoid of the means to do the simple task. "That happens. I'm sorry I was asleep, have you been here long?"

"Since this morning" Luppi nodded. The bruise on his cheek had now almost entirely faded, leaving only an outline that you would only see if you really looked. "It's better than sitting alone in my room."

Izuru gave a small sigh. "He's not back yet?"

"What do you think?" Luppi snapped, shaking his head. "He hasn't spoken to me- hell, he hasn't seen me on over a week."

"I went to see Aizen yesterday" Izuru broke in.

Luppi sighed. "What did he have to say for himself?"

"I told him everything I knew, and I asked him to release Tesra from being Nnoitra's fraccion."

Luppi swallowed the near permanent lump in his throat. "And what did he say?"

"He said he'd think about it" Izuru said, feeling the baby squirm, looking down to see the cloth covering his stomach rippling to follow the movements of tiny limbs.

The brunette scoffed. "Yeah, sure he will. At this rate I doubt even Aizen is going to get him away from Nnoitra."

Izuru thought. "Maybe I should go talk to him."

"I don't think there's much you can do" Luppi said. "I tried and it made me the enemy, if you become the enemy too, then we've lost him."

"It's worth a try" Izuru reasoned tiredly. "When Aizen calls for them, I'll talk to Tesra."

Luppi sighed heavily. "You do what you want, I guess."

Izuru nodded. "Don't have to tell me twice" he said, closing his burning eyes once again.

He heard Luppi swallow again and thought perhaps the other man had a sore throat.

"You don't look good, Kira" Luppi said, softly. "Really, you don't."

Frowning and cracking his eyes open once again, Izuru licked at his dry lips. "Yeah, I'm aware."

"I know I've told you that before, but I really mean it now. It's really starting to scare me now, how terrible you look" Luppi said, focusing his eyes on Izuru's swollen stomach.

"I know that" Izuru said, finding he couldn't find anything else to say.

There was a steady silence that passed between them for a moment as the room was filled with the sound of their breathing, just off beat from one another.

"Can you try to just…" Luppi fell off, his voice getting softer. "It's just that you and Tesra are the only friends I have and…"

"Luppi stop."

The other man brushed quickly at his glassy eyes. "I'm just saying, get better so I don't…you know, have to be alone."

Izuru pressed a hand to his forehead quickly, feeling its coldness. "I can't promise I'll be fine, but I'll try."

Luppi nodded. "Thank you."

More silence.

"Luppi?"

"Yes?"

"Would you do something for me?"

The other man gave a small smile. "I would need to know the question first."

Izuru attempted clearing his throat again. "I don't want you to get excited-"

"I'm going to get excited no matter what you say, you should know that by now."

Izuru rolled his eyes. "Yes, I know. Just don't get too excited, alright?"

Luppi scooted off the chair to sit opposite Izuru on the bed. "I'm getting really excited now, tell me."

Putting both hands on his churning stomach, Izuru tilted his head back to rest on the wall. "I lied to him, Luppi."

The brunette frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Everything that I told him was a lie" Izuru said, looking anywhere to avoid Luppi's eyes.

Currently, the gaze he was avoiding was blinking confusedly. "But…" Luppi sounded as though he was attempting to work this out in his head. "Why would you do that?"

"I couldn't sell out my home so easily" Izuru said, letting his eyes look over to Luppi's. "And now I need to ask you something."

"Oh, I bet you do" Luppi gasped, nodding. "Do you realize what he could do to you if he _ever _finds out what you did?" he hissed.

"But that's just it" Izuru said, leaning forward against his stomach. "I can't stay here long enough to figure out what he'll do."

Luppi gaped. "You-"

"I need to get out of here, Luppi. I can't stay here anymore, not with the baby" Izuru said quietly.

"Okay, Kira" Luppi said, giving a slow nod. "Okay, maybe you just…need to lie down and get yourself together-"

"Luppi, I am lying down."

"I, uh…" Luppi took a deep breath. "I see that. But you're also very pregnant right now, so maybe the hormone shiznick is screwing with your head, yeah?"

Izuru shook his head back. "I've been thinking about it, and I can't think of anything else I can do."

Luppi shook his head back at the blonde. "No, no you can't leave. You just need to…to rest and get better and I can take you to Szayel later and-"

"I don't trust Szayel."

"Why not?" Luppi questioned. "He's smart, he knows what he's talking about."

Izuru looked down at his belly. "He certainly does, and that's what scares me."

"What do you mean?"

"He told me to start feeding the baby my reiatsu and it's only made things worse. I don't doubt that he knows what he's doing, but that only tells me he's…"

Luppi let a small gasp of a laugh escape. "Kira, you don't actually think Szayel is trying to kill you."

"Look at me, Luppi! What else could possibly be happening?" Izuru cried, opening the top of his robe to reveal grayish skin stretching tight across the protruding bones of his chest. "Whether it's Szayel or the baby, it's killing me."

The brunette looked at the exposed skin silently, letting teeth sneak out to worry the skin of his lip. Sighing, he reached out a hand and placed it on top of the bump. "Kira…"

"I _have _to get out of here" Izuru said, pulling his robe closed. "I have to go somewhere I know I can be safe in."

"You are safe here, I know you are" Luppi protested, his fingers butterflying across the stomach.

"But…" Izuru trailed off, sniffing slightly and placing his own hand over Luppi's. "If I…don't make it through this-"

"Don't say that."

"Be quiet, just listen" Izuru said, effectively silencing the arrancar across from him. "If I don't make it, I want the baby to be born in a place where it can be safe and happy. Being born here would only make the baby Aizen's, to do with what he wants."

"But it _would_ have you, and Ichimaru-sama, and me!" Luppi interrupted. "You don't have to leave, really."

"I want this baby to be free to make its own choices, it would never be able to do that here" Izuru said, rubbing the back of Luppi's hand with his thumb. "The only thing I can think to do at this point is try to get back where I know it can be safe."

Luppi's lip quivered just slightly, but he seemed determined to keep his eyes dry. "I guess I'm not going to be able to stop you, right?"

Izuru shook his head. "No."

Breathing out a shaky breath, Luppi nodded. "Yeah...fine."

Under their hands a few bubbles erupted; shifting and turning the skin of Izuru's stomach.

"What about Ichimaru-sama?" Luppi asked, sounding entirely drained. "If you left he would go with you, right?"

Wetness welled up in the corners of Izuru's eyes, but was brushed away quickly. "I could never ask him to leave."

"Oh, get off it."

Izuru looked up at Luppi in surprise. "What?"

"I'm telling you to get off it" Luppi said sternly, furrowing his brow. "The hell you can't ask him to go with you, of course you can. He brought you here, he can be the one to take you back."

"It's...no, it is not that simple" Izuru protested, giving his head a shake. "This is his home now, I can't just ask him to leave it. He belongs here now, even if he wanted to come back."

"So it's okay for you to uproot your life and come here but it's different for him? Holy hell, Kira" Luppi said, exasperated. "You have _got_ to get over this subordinate complex you've built up for yourself."

"I do not have a-"Izuru began.

"Bullshit, yes you do!" Luppi cut him off. "I shouldn't be telling you this, you know. "You're over eight and a half months pregnant, you should realize by now that it isn't always about him."

Izuru's frown deepened. "I already know that, Luppi."

The brunette let out a little scoffing laugh. "You treat him like he's still your captain and you're still his lieutenant. Well, news flash!" Izuru said, clapping his hands. "You aren't."

"W-Well...I don't-" Izuru fumbled for words, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.

"You are equal to him now, you're not below him anymore" Luppi explained, as though speaking to a child. "And if you want to leave, you have every right to take him with you."

"How can I bring him back to a place where he'll find nothing but trouble?" Izuru asked, eyes blazing with determinedly un-shed tears. "I think I might be alright if I went back, at least for a while. But if he went back, I don't know what could happen; I don't want to know."

"You have to try at least" Luppi insisted, moving closer. "Have you ever even thought that if you asked he would say yes?"

Izuru let his head hang a bit lower, allowing his bangs to obscure his face.

Luppi sighed. "Is it that hard to believe that he wants to be with you just as much as you want to be with him?"

A few tears broke forth from the blondes eyes, trailing gracefully down his pale face.

"Maybe he wants the baby just as much as you do, Kira. All you need to do is talk to him."

Izuru reached up, brushing away the faint moisture on his cheeks, keeping his head low. "But I'm afraid to..." he admitted in a small voice, blushing in embarrassment.

A small smile inched onto Luppi's face, and he reached out to take Izuru's hand. "Don't be. He'll understand, he's _got_ to."

Raising his head, Izuru gave Luppi a teary smile. "Thank you. For everything."

Luppi smiled back, then leaned in, curving himself around the bump to hug the blonde. "Not a problem, babe."

A tint laugh bubble out of Izuru's mouth as he returned the embrace. "You've been...you're wonderful, really you are."

"Yeah, I know" Luppi snickered in the blondes hair. "You're going to miss me when you're surrounded by those tacky shinigami again."

Izuru gave a sighing laugh and pulled away slightly to look at the arrrancars tired face. "You could come with me, you know."

Luppi laughed sadly, giving a roll of his eyes. "And leave all this? Not in a million" he said sarcastically. He looked down at the bump, "When will you leave?"

"I'd like to, as soon as I can."

The brunette sniffed a bit. "I guess I'm not going to get to meet you then" he said to the bump. "I was looking forward to it."

Izuru took in a deep breath, hoping to calm his myriad of emotions. "Luppi-"

"No, no" Luppi said, waving a hand as he stood. "I stay here any longer and I'm going to be a complete wreck, I should go" he sighed and gave Izuru a half-hearted smile. "Don't tire yourself out."

As he turned and began to walk to the door, Izuru called out; "I'm going to go and talk to Tesra, I don't want you to worry about that, alright?"

Luppi paused in the doorway, looking back at him with teary eyes. "Me worry? Get real, Kira."

The door shut abruptly, cutting off Izuru's view of the others face, nearly severing the last word. He looked at the door for another few moments, trying to decipher the strange feeling blooming in his chest. Swallowing the dryness in his throat, Izuru reached over to the small table beside the bed, grasping the edge of a tan book and bringing it to rest on the bump.

Taking a deep breath, he opened the book and started reading. "Desesperar..."

XXX

The tea pot and the two cups that were balanced on the tray in the brunette arrancars hands shook slightly in trepidation as he approached the two men that were seated at the large meeting table.

As he drew closer, Szayel smirked in a disgustingly satisfied manner, seeming to be only just restraining himself from making some kind of snarky comment. The only thing holding him back was most likely the brown-haired man sitting straight backed beside him.

The arrancar stopped before the table, carefully lifting the tea pot off the tray and depositing it on the table. Setting one tea cup on the table, the arrancars single forest green eye flicked over to glimpse at the imposing figure of Lord Aizen.

Aizen's face was on the verge of expressionless, only saved by a cold smile hanging from his lips in an almost robotic manner. Beside him, the pink-haired man was eying him like a new and particularly interesting species of bug. A bug he looked like he wanted nothing more than to dissect.

Quickly setting the other cup down, the arrancar hastily backed away, bringing the tray up to his chest, a very mediocre protection. He stood awkwardly, Szayel still peering at him with both parts carnal and calculating interest. Fighting not to fidget, Aizen at last nodded.

"You may go."

Attempting not to breath a sigh of relief, he quickly bowed to Aizen and all but ran out the door.

Szayel let out a small snicker, making only a small attempt to hide his smug smirk from Aizen.

For his part, Aizen simply raised an eyebrow at his Octavo's manners. "It's almost as if you forget I'm here, Szayel."

"Of course not, Aizen-sama! How could I?" the pink-haired arrancar protested with a smile. "I simply think it's fun to think about how high certain arrancars can scream."

"I'm pleased you took time out of that sort of research to come and have a talk."

"Anything for you, my lord" Szayel leaned back in his chair, sighing with a smile. "What was it you wanted to speak with me about?"

"I believe we should have our tea as we talk so it won't get cold" Aizen said, reaching out to take the tea pot.

"Oh no, let me" Szayel said, his own hand reaching out to land on top of Aizen's, stilling any movement.

Aizen's eyes suddenly snapped to Szayel's own. A set of honey-amber peered back at him, unhindered by glasses, seeming to offer no fear or uncertainty about this act. He couldn't ever recall one of his subordinates touching him like this before; not the Espada, not Momo, Gin hadn't since he was a child. He had given them pats and helped them train, but never before had one been so bold as to presume they could reach out and touch him.

Yet here was his bespectacled Octavo reaching out and touching him, looking like he dared Aizen to react.

"I insist" Szayel said, tilting his head slightly and delivering one of his sickening saccharine smiles that everyone in Hueco Mundo knew held no sweetness whatsoever. "Please, Aizen-sama? You shouldn't be pouring tea for me."

Aizen held Szayel's gaze for another few moments, attempting to define the challenge he saw there. This was not a challenge of strength he saw, nor of wits, this was a challenge of a much different kind.

A small smirk grew on his lips, and he purposefully retracted his hand. "Suit yourself, Szayelaparro."

The pink-haired man raised an eyebrow in interest, not expecting to win so easily. "As you wish, Aizen-sama" he said, lifting the pot delicately with his fingers and carefully leaning to pour the still hot tea into Aizen's cup.

Aizen lifted the cup to his lips, blowing on it slightly, nearly un-noticeably. He watched as Szayel poured himself a relatively small amount of the tea, watching as steam softly billowed from the small cup. Taking a small sip, Aizen attempted not to let a deviously minuscule smirk seep onto his face as Szayel lifted the cup to his pale lips, and Aizen uttered a knowing; "Don't burn your tongue."

The cup paused at the scientists mouth, his eyes getting just slightly larger as he looked over to Aizen Aizen in pleased surprise that morphed into coy knowings. "Of course not, my lord" he took a small sip of the steaming liquid. "Now," he set the cup back onto the table with a small noise of wood on wood contact. "What exactly is it you wished to speak to me about?"

Setting his own cup down, Aizen realigned himself with why he called his Octavo here in the first place. "I've merely called you here to be briefed on the status of Kira-kun's pregnancy."

Szayel smiled. "Ah yes, I seem to remember your interest. Well," he sighed. "He's huge."

"Indeed he is" Aizen nodded. "But I should hope that isn't as far as your research has gotten."

"He's about 34 weeks along now, he isn't due for another few weeks, and technically everything is fine."

"Technically?"

Szayel nodded. "The fetus is developing properly, at the right pace, and there is now a set birth plan, so there shouldn't really be any problems."

"So what _is_ the problem?" Aizen questioned, raising his cup to his lips again.

The Octavo smiled. "Well, I doubt you'll see it as an issue, sir. But from a general perspective it is something to worry about."

"I think I know..." Aizen said, smiling coldly.

"Since your last order to me, the one regarding Kira-kun's nourishment of the fetus with the reiatsu, there has been a significant decline in his personal help."

"Have you informed him of this?"

"Of course not, but I'm fairly confident he already knows."

Aizen frowned. "He suspects?"

"Oh, no doubt of it" Szayel smiled assuredly. "But he is in no position to do anything about it now. He can barely walk, he's in no state to be making those kinds of accusations."

Aizen took another drink of his tea. "So everything is going smoothly then?"

"Very much so, Aizen-sama. At this rate, even if he does by some miracle survive the birth, he won't survive much longer than a week afterward. Right now the only thing sustaining him is in fact the energy he's supplied to the fetus, which is still connected to him. But since they're connected, he can't tell how empty it truly is; once the child is born he'll have essentially nothing left."

"And you're certain this is going to take care of him?" Aizen asked.

"I'm doing everything in my power to make it so. It's highly unlikely in any case that a man could survive birth. And as I said, even if he does survive, he won't for too long as he'll also be more susceptible to illness."

Sighing, Aizen leaned back in his chair with a small smile. "Well, it seems you've thought of everything."

"Well, I _have _been working on those plans for months. Perhaps a little earlier than I should have" Szayel admitted, sipping his tea.

"How early would that be?_" _Aizen asked, amusement lacing around his words.

Szayel let out a small laugh. "I had a feeling from the very beginning you had no intention of Kira-kun surviving this pregnancy. So, of course I wanted to make sure the plans were executed and thought out properly."

Aizen 'hm'-ed with a little smile. "It is so good to have smart people around."

"Isn't it? There are so few around here" Szayel sighed dramatically. "Present company exempt."

"But yes, I'm afraid you've hit the nail on the head" Aizen said. "However, it really is fortunate for me that his offspring is doing the job for me."

"You got what you wanted from him, then?" Szayel asked.

"And much more. He's fulfilled his purpose, nothing more can be gained from his being here."

Szayel smiled and gave his head a shake. "You are a cold man, Aizen-sama, not that I hold it against you."

"There are several things I could call you, but I doubt I could hold them against you" Aizen said smoothly.

The pink-haired man raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

Aizen gave a cool smile. "Yes, actually. I'd like you to know just how much appreciate all of the work you've put into these past few months."

The other man bit his lip slightly, his amber eyes wandering down to linger on the hand Aizen had placed on the table. "Well," he began, peering at his lord from behind flirtatious lowered lashes and glinting lenses. "Any thing for you, you know that."

"I do" Aizen nodded, a bit of the ice chipping off his smile. "And I've been thinking..."

Szayel smirked, his fingers slowly sauntering across the table to stop at Aizen's fingertips and let one gloved digit lift and begin to softly stroke the back of the hand that created him. "I love a man who thinks."

"I've been thinking that perhaps once one of the others is gone, we can come to..." Aizen looked down at his Octavo's finger slowly moving back and forth, and almost purred. "An arrangement."

Smiling largely, Szayel lifted Aizen's hand from the table and brought it up to his mouth. "I like the sound of that" he said, taking one of Aizen's dexterous fingers into his mouth.

Aizen sighed at the feeling and thought that oh yes, these past few months were well worth it indeed now that he had the key to Sereitei's undoing and Szayel's talented tongue licking at his fingers.

XXX

"I knew you would come crawling back" Tousen said, both hands moving furiously, twisting navy blue yarn repeatedly over and between the needles, sending each stitch to join a longer than life scarf pooling around his feet.

Gin took in the unusual sight before him.

It seems that in the space of a month, Tousen had gone on a crazy re-decorating spree.

The room was dark, as it always had been, and the screens still blared and filled the room with their light. But the sound had been taken out, and you could no longer simply hear what was going on..

In addition, in the area Gin would normally have stood, a chair was stationed. And as he approached, he could see a thick green book resting on the seat of the chair, a piece of yarn serving as the bookmark midway through the book.

"It's been more than a month, ya should be happy ta see me again" Gin said, moving to stand behind the chair. "Ya got two needles."

"Yes. Yes I do."

"And ya took up readin'."

"That would be Kira's."

Gin frowned in bewilderment. "My Kira?" he asked.

"He's been coming here for the past few weeks, almost every day. I can't say I'm surprised he hasn't told you" Tousen said, twisting the yarn between his needles. "He reads aloud most of the time."

"And ya don't have a problem with him comin' around?" Gin questioned, brow furrowing delicately. "Last I heard ya were ready ta chase him around and pelt rocks at him."

Tousen made a noncommittal sound. "My personal feelings are unchanged, I've only decided to tolerate his presence a bit more."

"Bit more? Ya had a "No-Tolerance Policy" policy last time I was here" Gin persisted.

"I suggest you just be happy I let him come here instead of sending him back to his room to brood. I'm being accommodating, not friendly."

"Aww" Gin cooed. "Tousen-chan loves Izuru, too!"

The darker man made a scowl-like face, even though Tousen does not scowl. "I figure my company is better for him than most of the other filth he goes around with, like that Antenor."

"Any company is good company."

"Did you want something?"

"Well, now that ya mention it..."

Tousen let out a groan. "What is it now? What more can you possibly ask of me?"

"It's something I'd kind of like ya ta keep on the down low, if ya don' mind."

Frown deepening, Tousen turned his head to face Gin's direction. "That depends on your request, Ichimaru."

Gin sighed, letting his hand rest on the back of the chair he stood behind. "When I said on the down low, I meant from... y'know, everyone."

"Hm" the other man grunted. "I can only assume you mean Aizen-sama."

"Maybe."

"The least you could do is try to be honest with me. What I gather is that you need my help with something so terrible that you can't go to Aizen-sama, and I can't help but feel that Kira is once again the cause of it all."

Gin frowned, sighing deeply in reluctance for what he was about to say, steeling himself not to back out. "I'm here ta ask for your help. Ya were right about everything, about bringing Izuru here, I shouldn't a done it, I know that now."

"How do those words taste?" Tousen asked.

"And I'm askin' ya to help me fix this" Gin continued, attempting to ignore Tousen's smug words. "Will ya please help me save him?"

"Save him?" Tousen frowned. "What is there to save him from? He's perfectly safe."

"Ya can feel it in his reiatsu, can't ya? He's sick, he needs to get back where he's safe."

"What can he get there that he can't get here?"

"Someone that understands Shinigami, whose qualified to take care a somethin' like this."

Tousen's face took on a puzzled look. "What about Szayelaparro?"

"Both ya and I know Szayel wasn't made ta handle this. He's supposed ta do whatever is necessary to kill someone in the bloodiest way possible" Gin said, fingers tapping out an anxious rhythm against the back of the chair.

"I'm sensing a lack of trust with him."

"Ya would be correct."

Tousen sighed and frowned very deeply. "Let us just hypothetically say that I agree to help you, what would you ask of me?"

"I would..." Gin thought for a moment, attempting to gather his thoughts into a manageable bunch. "I would probolly ask ya ta lower the defenses around Los Noches, so it would be easier for intruders ta get in and out, or for just him to get out."

Tousen nodded stoically. "What else?"

"I wouldn' say no to you puttin' up a concealer, so if he does have ta sneak out on his own he won't be noticed. An... maybe a concealer for anyone that enters the castle that shouldn' necessarily be here, that might be nice. Give 'em enough time to leave and such" Gin said, rocking up and down on his heels.

"You seem to be forgetting Aizen-sama in all of this" Tousen said, finishing one row and beginning another instantaneously. "What are you going to do when he finds out?"

Gin's smile wavered slightly. "He doesn't need ta know."

"But he will find out, make no mistake" Tousen said with utmost certainty. "And you will need to have a plan for when he does."

The silver-haired man breathed out heavily. "Well, ya see, I ain't planning on stickin' around much longer."

The dark man creased his brow. "You would betray the man you betrayed the Sereitei for?"

"I'm gonna do what I have to do."

"You've sworn yourself to him."

"Had my fingers crossed."

"Is nothing sacred to you?" Tousen asked, his tone quickly growing heated. "Nothing worth your allegiance?"

Gin smiled once again, smaller. "I can think of a few things right now, Aizen ain't one of 'em."

"So we must all suffer because you've decided to give your life to something that may or may not be worth it? And what happens when Aizen-sama finds out?" Tousen asked, his knitting forgotten. "He will come after you."

Gin shook his head. "We'll be long gone before he finds out it was me."

"And what about the rest of us? This could very well jump start the war, and you know we haven't fully prepared yet."

"Ya know, I hate ta tell ya this, but ya haven't really been foremost on my mind lately" Gin said. "And ya won't be, because I made a decision."

"Oh?" Tousen quirked. "And what is that?"

"I decided I'm not gonna worry about ya anymore, 'cuz all I gotta worry about now is Izuru an' the kid."

Tousen's blind eyes blinked for a few moments. "Have you been drinking? Is that what this is about?"

"Sober as a judge" Gin smirked.

"Then you must have lost touch with reality, because there really is no other excuse for your behavior."

Gin frowned. "I'm doin' what ya wanted me ta do."

"Come again?" Tousen frowned.

"Ya said I shoulda thought a Izuru first when I brought him here, so I'm thinkin' a him now. I'll take him back, I'll go with, ya won't have ta see me again, and I won't fight with ya, but I won't fight against ya, all I need is for ya to help me this once."

Tousen stood, the muscles of his face hard and straight, the fingers in his left hand tightening and loosening around the needle he held between his long, dark fingers. They did not speak for an almost insurmountable amount of time, and with the loss of sound from the screens the room seemed smaller.

"You're trying to grow up, is that it?" Tousen asked finally, tone level.

Gin shrugged and made a noncommittal noise. "I just wanna do the right thing, whether it's growin' up or not."

Tousen 'hmm'-ed, still ceasing to continue knitting. "He isn't well."

Gin frowned, giving his head a small nod. "I know."

"So you should arrange for him to leave soon."

The other man's head shot to the right, opening his eyes to stare at the other man in wonderment. "...What?"

"You shouldn't risk waiting for someone to show up and get him, you should sneak him out as soon as possible.'

Gin looked at him as though he had whipped out a tambourine and started swinging his hips. "Ya...ya really will help?"

"My participation in this act remains only between us, is that understood?"

Gin nodded. "Absolutely."

"I will arrange for you to be able to get him out discretely by next week at the latest, before the child comes. You will have a window of maybe half an hour to return before Aizen-sama notices" Tousen said, his hands beginning to move his needles once again.

"Yeah, yeah" Gin nodded again, seeming a bit dazed. "But what if someone shows up by then?"

Tousen gave a small sigh. "If something compromising the shield is detected, I'll raise the blocks and lower defenses. Does that sound sufficient to you?"

"Better than that, but what happens when Aizen-taicho finds out an' starts wonderin' why it was so easy for 'em to get in, or for us to-"

"Blame it on you" Tousen said practically. "Everything goes back to you; although how Aizen-sama will ever believe that you're smart enough to think up all that, I don't know."

"I..." Gin shook his head. "I dunno what to say."

"Then don't say anything, go and find Kira" Tousen instructed, beginning another row.

Gin turned as if to leave, but remained rooted to the spot. "Why are ya doin' this?" he asked, turning his head to look at the other man.

Impassively, Tousen's blinded eyes remained trained forward. "I don't enjoy the idea of an innocent life being born into this place, this darkness. My reasons are my own" he reached into his pocket and drew out a dark blue bag made of the same yarn he was working with. "This is for Kira" he said, holding it out.

Taking the bag in his pale hand, Gin's eyes closed once more, his smile slipping easily back onto his face. "Ya've taken a load offa my mind."

"You can leave now" Tousen said, dead-pan once again.

"Whatever ya say" Gin smiled, walking from beside Tousen, on the familiar trek to the door. Pausing before pushing through the barrier to breath a small sigh, Gin let foreign words escape his mouth. "Thank ya, Kaname."

Tousen's hand stopped moving momentarily, letting him take a short pause before letting out a quiet; "You're welcome, Gin."

Attempting to think of something else to say, something to wrap up lifetimes in a little bow, Gin failed to find anything and instead pushed through the door, letting it close behind him and leaving Tousen alone in the dark and silent room.

XXX

It was not a rare occurrence to be called into Aizen's throne room, even less rare to be called in alone so they could have one-on-one time. And of course, there was usually a fraccion waiting outside the door. Only one, never more, because Aizen was very strict about noise and wanted absolutely none to impede the conversation.

On this day, Aizen called Nnoitra and Tesra to the throne room, together at first. He had not bothered to ask Nnoitra to leave as he questioned the fraccion about what exactly had happened that night in the desert, what his relationship to Nnoitra was specifically, and whether there had ever been any abuse of power between them.

Tesra, for his part, answered very politely to every question Aizen posed to him, while the Quinto's scowl grew deeper with every passing moment.

He answered that of course Nnoitra had had nothing to do with his accident, that their relationship was strictly professional, and that there had never been any abuse of power between them.

Only after Tesra had answered every question did Aizen instruct him to wait in the hall as he questioned Nnoitra.

Tesra had not expected to find another blonde waiting for him as he walked into the hallway.

Izuru stood silently, looking every bit as sick and tired as he was, one pale, spidery hand braced against the wall, the other resting on the top of his impossibly large stomach. They stood simply looking at each other for a few moments, taking in the various changes that had been made to the others appearances.

"Kira-sama" Tesra said, clearing his throat slightly, his now single eye lowered to the ground. "What are you doing here?"

"I knew you'd be coming, I need to talk to you" Izuru said, removing his hand from his belly in favor of placing it on his stressed lower back.

The other blonde blinked and went over Izuru's words in his head. "Wait, how did you know we would-" he started, before his confused expression switched to one of realization. "You..." he started, his voice almost caught by the anger bubbling up in his belly.

Izuru didn't say anything, opting instead to let the fraccion work his anger through.

"You, I just..." Tesra was saying, running a hand exasperatedly through his short blonde locks. "I cannot _believe _this!"

"Tesra-"

"First Luppi, then you, what next?!_" _the boy cried, semi-attempting to control his volume. "Are you going to hop into bed with me? Are you going to handcuff yourselves to me? This is my life, my decision, butt out!"

"Tesra, nobody is telling you what you can and can't do."

"That is _exactly _what you're doing!" Tesra ranted on, bringing a leather gloved hand up to feel his head. "I've told you how I feel about him, and you're trying to ruin everything!"

Izuru's stress lined face frowned even deeper. "Tesra, I don't want to ruin everything, I want to fix it. But I want to know what happened in the desert."

The eye-patched man seemed taken aback by the request, his single eye going larger than normal. "That..." he began, clearing his throat again and straightening up. "Is none of your business."

"Did he do that to you?" Izuru asked, looking pointedly at the patch.

"I don't have to tell you."

"Why did you stop living with Luppi?" Izuru asked, keeping his tone carefully calm and controlled.

A deep sigh preceded the other blondes words. "Maybe I was tired of having to share my life with someone that doesn't want me to live it."

Izuru let out a frustrated sigh, his bangs falling into his face once again. "He _does _want you to live your life, he just doesn't want you to get hurt. This mess with Nnoitra...Luppi means well, he just wants to protect you-"

"By never letting me experience anything on my own?" Tesra cut in. "That is not protecting, I don't feel protected at all."

"And you do with Nnoitra?" Izuru asked coolly.

Tesra's lips pinched together, his eye clouding up. "That's different, I don't ask him to protect me, he doesn't have to. I don't want protection..."

"Then what do you want?" Izuru asked wearily.

"I..." Tesra thought, his brow furrowed deeply. "I don't know...maybe I'd like to feel happy..."

"And Nnoitra makes you happy?"

The other blonde looked to the wall behind Izuru's head for the answer to the question, but finding none there, looked down to the floor instead. "I think so...maybe I don't know, he just makes me feel..."

"He hurt you, didn't he?" Izuru asked abruptly.

The other man's eye narrowed, his mouth turning down in an almost-scowl. "Doesn't Ichimaru-sama hurt you?"

Izuru blinked in confusion. "of course he doesn't."

"Are you blind? Look at yourself!" Tesra said angrily. "He's as good as killed you, and you're still happy to be with him, we aren't that different.

"There is a big difference" Izuru countered. "If he ever did to me what Nnoitra does to you, then I wouldn't still be with him."

"But you love him, don't you?" Tesra asked, near desperation in his voice.

"If he thinks you're only there to be his punching bag, the he doesn't love you back."

"I don't want love, I want to be wanted" the boy" Tesra said, defeated. "And I don't appreciate the fact that you seem to think I'm incapable of having someone actually want me."

"I'm not saying that, I'm just..." Izuru took a deep breath, bringing up his hand to his still throbbing forehead. "Look," he took his hand away and looked at the blonde in almost resignation. "I'm not saying that nobody wants you, that's ridiculous. And I'm not trying to ruin your life, I'm just trying to help. Stay with Nnoitra if you want, but go back to Luppi, please."

The other blonde looked at him questioningly. "Why should I?"

"Because you just should. This fight isn't going to get resolved if you just avoid him" Izuru said, trying to reason with Tesra's skeptical expression. "You two have to take care of each other now. Luppi acts like he doesn't care, but he really does."

Tesra smiled slightly. "He's a mess, huh?"

"He misses you" Izuru smiled back, weakly but full. "He's no good on his own, you know that."

"Yeah, I know that" Tesra sighed, then nodded tiredly. "I'll talk to him, try to settle everything."

Izuru let out a relieved breath with a small smile. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me just yet" Tesra said, scratching at the back of his head. "Nnoitra-sama will be out soon, you should go."

Izuru frowned. "I'm not afraid of him."

"You should-"

As if on cue, the door to the throne room swept open, revealing the tall and nearly insectoid form of Nnoitra, who strode out with a deep scowl on his face. Once he caught sight of the two blondes standing in the hallway, his scowl turned to a menacing leer.

"Well, well, well" he drawled, peering down at Izuru. "You seem to have wandered a ways from the sanctuary."

Izuru made sure to hold the much taller man's gaze. "I just wanted to talk to Tesra."

Nnoitra sneered. "Oh, did you now? Well that's just great, seeing as you seem to like talkin' about him, too."

"Nnoitra-sama-" Tesra started.

"You love it so fucking much that you went to talk to Aizen about him, huh?" Nnoitra continued, stepping forward on his long legs towards Izuru, who became more and more aware of the wall he was being backed into. "Well, sucks to be you because Aizen ain't havin' it. Tesra stays with me."

Izuru scoffed slightly. "Great, but what are you going to do when the other eye is gone?"

"You little bitch" Nnoitra hissed, his arm shooting out to push Izuru's chest against the wall, his long fingers splayed across the length of the blondes chest. "You don't know shit, about me, or him, and you never will. You get that, kid?"

"Stop calling me a kid, I'm an adult" Izuru glared back.

"I don't see an adult. I see a kid that bent over at the first sign of affection" Nnoitra nearly growled. "And look where that got your ass" he said, his hand running down Izuru's chest and stopping to claw his fingers sharply over the bump, successfully freezing the blonde in terror. "But don't worry about this," he whispered. "'Cause I can get rid of your little monster for ya. I'll rip it right out-"

Suddenly, a pale hand shot out, wrapping long slender fingers around Nnoitra's thin wrist, clenching and pressing the bones together painfully.

Breath returning in a small gasp, Izuru turned his head numbly to look behind Nnoitra, where the pale figure of Gin stood, standing straight and tall, his hand free from his sleeves.

His smile still stretched ear to ear, but the edges were much sharper than usual, his eyes actually glinting open just slightly to reveal a glint of icy blue. Every angle that made up Gin looked dangerous now, every inch made of blades.

"Nee, whatcha doin' there, Quinto-chan?" he asked lightly, but with a clear and defined murderous intent breaking it up. Just to make his point clear, he squeezed Nnoitra's wrist again, grinding the bones into contact.

Nnoitra let out a small pained noise through clenched teeth, his eye large and furious at the sudden appearance of his superior.

"I think I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear none a that stuff ya said, 'cuz if I killed ya now Aizen-sama'd probally get real pissy with me" Gin continued, his voice getting lighter and more dangerous with each word. "But ya ain't off the hook yet."

Gin stepped forward, placing his other hand on Nnoitra's forearm, snaking his fingers around the bony limb. Smiling wider, he brought his hands together quickly and efficiently, successfully snapping Nnoitra's wrist.

A cry of pain escaped from between Nnoitra's teeth, his eye fighting between staying open and closing in agony.

"There now" Gin said, feigning his happy tone to hold back the urge to snap every other bone in the arrancars body. "Now why don't ya get your ass outta here before I slice ya up nice and bloody?"

Ripping the taller man away from the still cornered blonde, Gin closed the distance between them, placing his hand in Izuru's cold one.

Nnoitra looked toward him lividly for a split second, looking as though he had something else to say, but turned away instead.

"Nnoitra-sama..." Tesra broke in quietly, "What do you want me-"

"Fuck off, Tesra" Nnoitra growled, stalking his way down the hallway and around the corner in the direction of the medical ward.

For a moment Tesra stood there, seeming very not put-out by Nnoitra's words. Sighing, he looked to Kira. "I'll go... back to my room now, see if Luppi's there" he turned to head down the same hallway as Nnoitra. "Bye Kira" he said softly, walking away.

"Bye Tesra" Kira said hollowly, watching the other blondes retreating back as it rounded the corner the opposite direction of his master.

They stood in silence for a moment, Izuru's breath steadying out from it's frightened beat. Gin turned to look at his blonde, his eyes cracking open.

"'Zu?"

Izuru took a deep breath, sighing it out shakily as he looked back at Gin with large blue eyes. "Yes?" he asked.

"Ya alright?" Gin asked, his smile not quite snaking back onto his face.

"Yeah...I'm fine."

The silver-haired man nodded. "We need to talk, yeah?"

Izuru nodded. "We do" he said, feeling his stomach beginning to turn in anxiousness.

Gin sighed, pulling on the blondes hand. "Back ta the room, then."

XXX

They sat in silence for a very long time; years, a millennium passed between them, just sitting and finding no way to begin what they needed to say.

Izuru sat in one of the chairs, slumped back in exhaustion, picking at a ragged nail in nervousness, occasionally stealing glances at the other man perched on the edge of the bed.

Gin's eyes were open, that was incredibly unnerving, but they didn't look at him, they were trained on the floor in front of him.

With a small quivering sigh, Izuru looked towards the ground. "Gin, I don't know what to say..."

"Obviously."

The blonde sniffed a bit. "I just...there's so much I want to say, but..."

"It's okay" Gin said, smiling again, if only a bit smaller. "I can't really think where to start, either."

"There's something I want to ask you, but I don't want you to get angry..." Izuru said softly, pulling at the nail until a small bead of blood appeared.

"I got somethin' ta tell ya, too. But ya can go first" Gin said, standing steadily and crossing to kneel beside the blondes chair, pulling his nails from his bleeding finger.

Izuru breathed in and out steadily, not finding it in him to meet the others gaze. "You have to promise not to be angry at me."

Gin nodded. "Promise."

Deep breathing, once, twice, three times. "You see, well...you want what's best for the baby, right?"

""Zu, of course I do."

"And me?"

"Yes..." Gin trailed off, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

Izuru raised his head to look at Gin with anxiously drawn eyebrows. "Then would you take me home?"

The silver-haired man froze, his eyes inched up curiously. Well, this made the idea of telling Izuru they were jumping ship much easier. His smile returned to his face, the good fortune of this event sweeping over, and he thanked whatever deity was listening that he and his blonde could think alike on occasion. He brought up Izuru's hand, kissing the back of it softly.

"We can go wherever ya like, Blondie."

Izuru's eyes went large, surprise pricking around in their blue depths. He turned over Gin's words in his head, looking for any secret crack or crevice. A smile began to form, pale and tentative. "You...you mean it? You really do?"

"Yeah, been thinkin' about it myself" Gin answered, brushing the blondes bangs away from his face. "Been thinkin' that takin' ya here might not a been the best thing for ya."

"I'd be lying if I said I disagreed" Izuru admitted.

"An' I went to see Tousen today, and he said he'd help get ya out of here."

The blonde frowned. "Why would he-"

"Tousen's mind is a slippery slope I ain't goin' down" Gin shook his head. "But that isn't the important part, what matters is that now ya got a way out, an' he said he could get ya out by next week at the latest."

Izuru nodded. "Yes, alright. And you...you'll come with, right?"

"No, you're goin' back alone. I don't wanna get involved- a course I'm comin' with ya, ya dizzy blonde" Gin said, rumpling the blondes hair and internally rolling his eyes.

Izuru's cheeks tinted pink, but he gave a small smile. "That's good, and...Aizen?"

Gin shook his head. "We'll be long gone 'fore he figures out we made a break for it."

Breathing out a large breath, Izuru placed his other hand on Gin's cheek, rubbing his thumb over the smooth skin. "You've thought of everything, then."

"Did what I can. All ya need ta worry about is what you'll do when ya get back, 'cuz it might surprise 'em. And ya know how shinigami get when they're surprised."

"Trigger happy" Izuru nodded. "I'll think of something."

"Good boy" Gin smiled, putting hid hand up to cover Izuru's. "No worries there, ne?"

Shaking his head, Izuru laughed quietly. "Me worry? Get real."

A small laugh escaped Gin's mouth, and he kissed Izuru's forehead. "Izuru?"

"Yes?"

"Ya know I love ya, an' I always think you're a knock out, but" he sighed. "Ya look terrible."

Izuru opened his mouth to either reject or agree, but shut his mouth resignedly and nodded.

"Ya need ta eat more...sleep more...have a baby, maybe..."

"Soon, very soon" Izuru said, glancing down at the bump. "In a few weeks we're going to have a baby."

"That we are" Gin nodded, smiling wider. "Are ya excited?"

The blonde sighed with a little smile. "Nervous."

Gin gathered both of the others hands in his, rubbing their backs. "Don' be nervous; I know you'll be fine, and I'll be right there if ya get scared."

"Thank you" Izuru said, leaning down over the bump to kiss Gin. It was supposed to be short and sweet, but the other man's hand went up to twine his fingers through Izuru's pale hair, pulling and scratching softly at the mans sensitive scalp. Izuru's mouth opened in a sigh of pleasure, allowing Gin's tongue to enter his mouth and begin to massage along the crevices of his mouth and his own tongue. They parted softly for air, and they kept their faces close, foreheads resting against each other.

"I love you" Izuru said quietly, eyes closed as his chest rose and fell.

"Love you" Gin whispered back, hand still buried in his lovers hair.

A sharp knock resounded throughout the room, sending Izuru's head snapping to the door, all interest in Gin's mouth gone.

"What is that?"

"Dunno" Gin said, reluctantly standing. "I'll check."

He gave Izuru's head one more scratch, earning him a pleased noise from the back of the blondes throat. He smiled wider at this and began walking to the door, his steps considerably lighter than they were when he had entered the room, now that he knew everything was planned out.

His hand curved around the handle of the door, firmly pulling it open to see who interrupted his potential make-out session with his blonde, and coming face to face with Tousen.

Gin opened his mouth to speak, but the darker man beat him to it, face firmly set. "You should come with me now" he said emotionless. "There's been movement."

XXX

What a bitch of a chapter.

Thanks for reading! Reviews add ten years to my life!


	10. Porcupine Kiss

MP: I can already tell that this chapter is going to be a bitch to write, and so I apologize now for how long it takes.

Cee: MissyPessimisty does not own any characters, plots, affiliates, or anything even remotely connected to the city, county, and state of Bleach.

MP: Yeah...well, here we go. Story starts now.

XXX

"_Is it day or night? Porcupine kiss, Novocain lips."_

Sun.

Sun was hitting his face for the first time in _months, _nearly blinding his eyes. It wasn't the warm summer sun that he had left, but a hard cold sun that gave off no warmth. The light was bouncing off of his impossibly pale hands, illuminating anything in a five foot radius.

Izuru took a deep breath in, inhaling the slightly musty air of his cell, placing his hands up on the wall, trying to let his arm grow long enough to touch the window. The winter sun that filtered through the window hit his face, and he smiled.

Home, in a cell in his beautiful colorful Sereitei.

After all of this chaos, the leaving

(_"What the fuck did he do to you?!"_)

The arrival-

(_So many stares._)

This calm, peaceful little cell was a welcoming place indeed. Away from all that yelling, the staring, the faces he knew that looked at him like he was an alien.

But Gin was still in Hueco Mundo.

Oh yes, that did present a problem.

He turned around, looking through the bars towards the door, which he was sure had at least two guards on standby. It seemed relatively strange to him that the guards were not stationed directly outside his cell like they had been in his previous stint here. What, did they think he would attack them or something?

Well...he supposed things had changed since the last time he was in a cell.

Now what could he do? Wait, but for what? Should he wait for a trial, an execution, or for Aizen to figure out what he'd done?

He certainly didn't want to wait for Aizen, because it was only a matter of time before he figured everything out. And the Sereitei would be the first place he would think to look, whether he thought Izuru left on his own or not.

So, as joyful as the return to Sereitei was, Izuru wanted to get the fuck out of dodge.

It didn't exactly help that he was starting to have contractions.

But he wasn't going to worry, because it was still early, so he would still be having these little ones leading up to the due date. These were probably just coming from all the excitement he'd had today, nothing that he had not dealt with before. But Szayel had been right down the hall before, ready to go at any time, and now he was a world away...

Even still, he wished Gin would hurry up and get here so he could feel a bit more secure, or as secure one could be in a jail cell.

With a little sigh, Izuru lowered himself onto the small cot that rested against the wall. Maybe now that he was away from everything he could get some decent sleep and try getting some of his strength back. He slowly moved to lie on his back with a little groan; when this was all over he swore he was going to sleep on his stomach for nine months straight.

But for now, sleeping on his back.

He closed his eyes.

A tiny ripple of pain bloomed in his pelvis.

XXX

It was such a great day, though the sky was nearly white, as white as a clean piece of paper. These days were rare in the Sereitei, even for it being the beginning of December, and it cast an unsettling aura over the city.

The pale light was breaking through the blinds that were drawn tightly over the windows of the 9th Division captains office. The chair behind the empty captains desk was turned to face the closed window, a pair of slate gray eyes looking towards the light shining through, but not totally registering what his eyes were given.

Shuhei sat, slumped in his former captains chair, breathing in deeply, his head balanced on a tightly bound fist. There was no sound in his division today, and rightly so as he didn't think he could take it if anyone was bopping around making noise.

In fact, there was little to no noise going through the city today, even though it was still early in the day, and a smooth terrifying chill was traveling through the streets. Shuhei chose to attribute this to the news spreading. Now the whole fucking world was on a spinning plate, ready to topple over at any second. A moment that could be coming at any time.

But Shuhei didn't care. The world had already toppled over in his mind, now he was just waiting to hit the ground.

Another betrayal.

Somehow this one stung much deeper than the other, knowing that it was Kira. Kira who he had confided in, who he had actually trusted. Trusted enough to know that if there was ever a problem, Kira could always come to him for help. Apparently that did not work out the way he had hoped it would.

Because now Kira was...infected.

Infected by some terrible little demon that Ichimaru had to have put there, whether it had been before he left or after. Some cancerous, soul-sucking monster that Shuhei had no idea how it got there or how it was going to get out.

A...

Fetus?

Shuhei groaned, and ground his forehead into his fist.

How had this slipped past him? He'd been on his mission, but that had been three months after the defection. And Kira had been hiding out ever since, up until that night; the night he left.

How had he let this happen? How did he go all those months without ever going to check up on Kira? Spending all those months wallowing in his own grief while his best friend was suffering...

But, how could Kira do all that?

They were supposed to be friends, friends who can tell each other anything and ask for help. In what stretch of the imagination did Kira think that this was something he was going to take care of on his own?

And why the hell did Kira think that going to Hueco Mundo with Ichimaru Gin was the better option than telling Shuhei what was going on?

Ridiculous.

Just fucking ridiculous.

Shuhei sighed and closed his eyes.

He didn't even know who he was angry at anymore; Kira, Ichimaru, or himself.

A small knock resounded throughout the room, disrupting the cold silence of the office and letting it shatter like ice. Sighing, Shuhei turned his head slightly, rotating around his fist. Maybe it was his third seat...maybe if he was very quiet they would just go away.

"Shuhei?"

One gray eye opened, and another more weary sigh permeated the air.

"I know you're in there sulking, and I'm coming in."

The door opened smoothly, and snapped closed a mere second later, and the sound of soft feet walking over to him was the only sound besides his own breathing.

"Shuhei?" Yumichika asked, stepping closer to the man seated in the chair. "Are you alright?"

Shuhei looked up at the other man, who looked a bit more tired than he was used to looking. He gave his head a little shake, holding out his hand for his lover to take.

Yumichika took the proffered hand, and allowed Shuhei to softly pull him to sit in the others lap, fighting not to immediately begin fixing his clothes or his hair which Shuhei began to play with even as he knew it bugged the feathered man to no end.

"Did you sleep?" Shuhei asked softly, letting his head rest on top of Yumichika's.

The fifth seat shook his head. "I couldn't, too much energy."

Shuhei nodded, continuing to play with a few strands of silky, raven hair.

Letting a small frown dip his lips downward, Yumichika maneuvered his arm around Shuhei's shoulders, a pale hand going up to scratch at his lovers scalp. He tipped his head up lightly to press a soft kiss to Shuhei's jawline, and smiled. "You look terrible."

"Yeah, I know."

"Where's Kira?"

The tattooed man frowned and his fingers stopped their movements. "Probable either the Third's prison or the one in the First. I don't know."

"Will you go see him?" Yumichika asked, reaching his other hand up to ease the tension out of Shuhei's jaw.

The younger man closed his eyes. "I don't know, Yumi. Really, I don't know."

"But you want to, yes?"

"...Yes."

Yumichika smiled softly, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards. "So you should go and see him, you silly ass."

Shaking his head, Shuhei groaned. "You don't understand, Yumi. I don't know that I can face him right now without losing it on him."

Shuhei gently eased the brunette off of his lap, so he could stand and begin to frustratedly pace in front of the desk. "And I don't want to lose it on him because he's my friend, and I missed him, and I'm worried about him, but he's such an idiot!"

"I don't think that you would. I think you have more self-control than that" Yumichika said calmly. "You're more hurt than angry, Shu."

"I am angry, though" Shuhei said, more to himself than to his lover. "There's a part of me that just wants to hit him and yell at him, but I can't because he's..." a break in his pacing left Shuhei with his back facing the other man, his fists clenched at his sides. "I just want to know that he's alright."

Yumichika shook his head and stood up wearily. "So you should go and see him, and I know you won't get too angry at him. He probably wants to see you, too."

Shuhei smiled minutely. "How would you know?"

"Because I know everything" Yumichika smiled, trailing his fingers along the other back, easing muscle and tension as he went. "I know everything about everything, as all beautiful people should."

Laughing quietly, more an exhale, Shuhei reached back to take the fifth seats hand. "What will you do when you run out of advice?"

"That will never happen. It just comes naturally to me, like other things."

The tattooed brunette smiled and brought up the hand he had caught up to his mouth and kissed the back of it. "I guess so...you really think he wants to see me?"

"I know he does. He must be very lonely down there in a cell all by himself."

"Yeah...but what if-" Shuhei started, cut off by a slender hand covering his mouth.

"No buts. You're being quite the idiot about all this, and it's not attractive at all" Yumichika scrutinized, with a small smirk teasing along his mouth.

"Yeah, it gets a guy a bit perturbed to see his best friend, like, nine months pregnant" Shuhei said bitterly. "His _male _friend, mind you."

Giving his hair a small shake, Yumichika sighed. "You won't bring it up in front of him, will you?"

Shuhei quirked an eyebrow up. "How am I not going to mention it? It's the giant elephant in the room sprouting out of his stomach."

"Maybe he's sensitive about it!" Yumichika exclaimed, his feathers flaring with emotion. "You don't know what happened all those months! Maybe they..." he lowered his voice dramatically. "Maybe they experimented on him."

Grimacing, Shuhei rubbed at his head. "You're giving me major anxiety, Cheeks."

"Sorry" the feathered man said, though not sounding it in the least. "Just, you know, play nice with him, ne?"

Shuhei smiled softly, reaching up and combing his fingers through silken strands. "I will, no worries."

A sweet smile graced Yumichika's face, and he stepped forward to place a soft kiss along Shuhei's jawline. "That's good."

"You know..." Shuhei started, placing his hands on the other mans hips and giving him another kiss, this time to the lips. "You should be this nice all the time."

Scoffing lightly, Yumichika's snarky tone returned. "I have the capability to be anything at any time, it's just that the situation never calls for it."

Laughing shortly, Shuhei shook his head. "You're like a bean-bag chair."

Yumichika scowled prettily. "Do not compare me with a bean-bag chair, please."

"Whatever you say" the tattooed man submitted, releasing the hand he had been holding. "I guess I'll head down there then. See if I can get in and visit him."

"Alright" Yumichika nodded. "You'll be fine, I know it."

Shuhei gave a bitter smile and began to the door. "I wish I knew."

XXX

_Please._

…

_If you're there, please answer me._

Still no answer.

_Wabisuke, please. I can't-_

Pain. Pain. Searing, cramping, revolting pain...

One breath.

Two breaths.

Three breaths.

...Alright, breathing seemed to be the method that worked the best.

Izuru paced about the room in increasing speed, that diminished at every onset of pain. The pain that was getting closer and closer together.

_Wabisuke..._

Sweat was beginning to appear along his flushed face, hair hung messily around him, eyes burning with determinedly un-shed tears.

_I...I can't do this..._

It was like every bone in his pelvis was being clenched in an iron fist, that was pulling it wider and wider apart, until his bones were no longer bones, just dust.

_Please I- talk to me, I can't-_

_-Oh stop your begging, I'm here.-_

A trembling sigh escaped from between his bitten-red lips at the rough, familiar voice.

_Thank you so-_

_-I'm still angry at you for being such an ignorant bastard, you know. Don't you think that just because I'm talking to you means that you're forgiven.-_

_I know that, I do._

_-I told you not to, yes?-_

_You did, but-_

_-And you went and did it anyway, you stupid, stupid boy! Nothing good comes from that man, and you knew that-_

_Shut up!_

The dizzying aftershocks of the pain twitched and throbbed through Izuru's blood, over-heating it and sending any and all patience with the universe out the window.

_I refuse to put up with you yelling at me today, because I'm sick of it! You have to help me calm down, not stress me out more._

_-...-_

The world was shifting and churning, from gray into pools of black and red and inescapable heat...maybe he had-

_-What an awful, spoiled child you are, Izuru.-_

As if he had never heard those words before.

_-Alright...just breath for right now. Calm down.-_

Slowly, the blond began to feel his watery eyes begin to dry, the tears disintegrating in the edges of his vision. He took one large, shaking breath in, relishing in the feel of his lungs inflating with air. He slowly exhaled the breath, letting his eyes slip closed.

_-Just__keep breathing. Try to count it out, concentrate very hard.-_

Okay...okay, breathing in, two, three, four, put two, three, four.

_-How long has this been going on?-_

_Almost two hours._

_-Why don't you call for help?-_

_Nobody will come, I'm in prison._

Izuru's breathing began to quicken again at that thought. He was trapped, alone in this cold cell with nothing but the pain and the knowledge that before long-

_-Stop thinking like that. If you scream somebody will come, I'm sure of it.-_

_But I won't scream._

_-Oh, you will.-_

Another hitch in his breath, sending trepidation into his bones.

_What if they don't? I'll be left in here alone, with no way to get the baby out, and no one to help me!_

_-Calm down and breathe. Just start screaming when you can't take it anymore.-_

_I don't-_

"Kira?"

That voice.

That voice he could pick out from a million others, hear from a million miles away, that sounded to clear and pristine to his ears even after months of not hearing it. 

Izuru's breathing now had no hope at all of becoming even as he turned from the wall to face the new entity of the room, a hand braced against the wall to support his tired body.

"Hisagi-san."

Had he spoken those words? They slipped so fluidly from his mouth, he had not felt it.

Shuhei looked the same, as though not a day had passed since they had last been together. His hair seemed the smallest bit longer, and his eyes looked back at him with...

Izuru didn't want to identify the emotion in those eyes.

They stood before each other, separated by thick, iron bars, drinking in the changes that had been made to one another. A silence like this might have been comfortable, unassuming, even welcomed had it occurred a few months earlier, but now it became so forced and frigid they were forced into silence.

Izuru opened his mouth like a fish gasping for water, and closed it. At the last moment, he let his mouth open again.

"Hello."

Shuhei's eyes seemed to be fighting to remain focused on his face, when the round form of Izuru's belly was tugging his vision downward. Clearing his throat, the brunet stepped forward to be nearer the bars. Almost on instinct, Izuru stepped forward to be even with the bars and the other man.

"Hello" Shuhei said quietly, his eyes slipping downward to look at the floor in favor of holding the other mans gaze or looking at his stomach.

Izuru took a few long blinks, uncertain where to keep his own eyes now that his friends eyes were trained elsewhere. "What are you doing here?" the blond asked simply.

A pair of gray eyes came up once again, to meet another pair of lowered eyes. "I, um..." he glanced down at the bump quickly, then brought his gaze back up. "I wanted to see you."

Laughing humorlessly, Izuru shrugged. "And how do I look?"

"Well, how do you feel?" Shuhei asked, their eyes making contact once again.

A bloom of pain began to spread out in his stomach, and Izuru's hand moved to grasp it and steady himself. "Like a peach" he said, his voice shaking ever-so slightly.

Shuhei shook his head, and put one hand up on the bars. "A really bruised peach."

"Shuhei, I..."Izuru began, the pain ripping against the walls of his stomach, causing him to bunch up his lips and grind his back teeth together. "I don't know what to say."

"Just answer me this, Kira" Shuhei sighed, running a hand quickly over the back of his head. "did he take you or did you go freely?"

Fighting against the cramp of his muscles and nerves, Izuru lowered his eyes once again. "Y-Yes."

Shuhei's fist clenched on the bars of the cell, the knuckles jutting and turning white against the skin covering them. Clenching his jaw, the muscles of the brunets tattoo-ed face tensed, and he could feel his control slipping. "Why would you do that?"

"Because I'm...well, look at me."

"And you didn't think you could come to me for help? Or Renji?" Shuhei asked, his tone quickly heating, his burning eyes beginning to back the blond into a corner. "How stupid are you to think I wouldn't help you?!"

"_Don't call me stupid!" _Izuru yelled as the pain simmered down to a faint twinge. "I was not stupid, I was scared!"

"What were you scared of?" Shuhei scowled.

"LOOK AT ME!" Izuru nearly shrieked, his hands spread wide across his stomach. "Look at me and tell me you wouldn't think I was out of my mind! What would you possibly have done if I had come up to you and told you I was going to have a baby?"

"I would think you were crazy and I would be worried, but I would have helped you!" Shuhei yelled back, both hands on the bars, clenching. Izuru was sincerely grateful those bars were there, because he had a feeling if they weren't those hands would be clenching around his neck instead.

"You know, it's not like you were around much" Izuru said acidly. "How am I supposed to get help from you when you aren't even here?"

Shuhei grit his teeth against his rage. "Don't even try using that as an excuse for you running off to Hueco Mundo with Ichimaru."

"Why shouldn't I have?" Izuru asked, grimacing as he felt a disgusting squirm in his belly. "This is half his, after all."

Swallowing the lump of anger and frustration in his throat, Shuhei removed his hands from the bars. "I thought so, but I wasn't sure."

"Shuhei-"

"Did you do that on your own, too? Or did he just make you do it?" the brunet asked scathingly.

"Don't talk that way to me" Izuru scowled, taking a step closer to the bars. "Gin does not _make _me do anything."

"Oh, it's Gin now. I see" Shuhei nodded, jaw getting ever tenser. "Well, I guess since you have Gin now you don't need to have anyone else-"

"It's not like that, and you know it!" Izuru cried. "He just-"

"Then why wasn't I involved?! Why couldn't you-"

"THIS ISN'T YOUR BABY!" Izuru screamed.

The yell seemed to echo on for millenniums as they stood there, letting the last traces of sound fade out, and still finding no cause to speak to each other again.

Shuhei took a step back tentatively, putting space between himself and the bars. "How did this happen?" he asked slowly, feeling his emotion beginning to die down.

Izuru took a few calming breaths, evening himself as best he could. "I don't know, I really don't."

"Did they experiment on you?"

The blond gave a laugh devoid of any humor. "It was there before I left. Before even Gin left."

"But...how, even? Kira, you're a man!" Shuhei nearly gasped. "At least, I thought you were."

"I am!" Izuru defended, frowning. "I don't know how any of this happened, I swear."

"This is crazy! You cannot be pregnant, you're a man with man parts! It's impossible! You can't be!" Shuhei yelled, his hands flailing wildly, unsure of where to put themselves.

"I've seen it Shuhei. I know it's there because I've seen it."

"It's not possible" Shuhei gasped, staring at the bump head on. "Kira, you're a MAN! You can't have a baby!"

The blond put his hands on either side of the bump, as though he were covering the baby's ears. "It's here, isn't it? How can it be impossible when it's right in front of you?"

"Because it just is!" Shuhei yelled, coming up to the bars again. "You cannot have a baby, you don't have a uterus, or fallopian tubes, or...or anything! A womb! Kira, you don't even have a birth canal! Even if there is something in there, you have no way to get it out!"

"That isn't true!" Izuru protested, his voice beginning to rise again. "We had a plan! Szayel, Gin, and I all had a plan, before I came _here_."

"Then why did you?" Shuhei questioned. "Why did you come back?"

"Hueco Mundo is not a place for a baby, or for me" Izuru said simply.

"Is that it?" Shuhei glared.

"No, of course that isn't it. I missed everything, I missed you!" the blond said, his teeth tugging on his bottom lip.

Shuhei stepped back again, and turned to let his back face the cell. "You shouldn't have gone, Kira."

Nodding softly and slowly, Izuru felt color rise to his pale cheeks. "Yes, I know that."

"And I don't know that I can forgive you for this" Shuhei said, trying to let no emotion sneak into his words.

"Shuhei..." Izuru said, stepping up as though to go after him, and grasping the bars in his hands. "Shuhei, please. I made a mistake, I know I did, but...but you _have _to forgive me."

"Why should I? This is about as dumb as you've gotten, Izuru" Shuhei fumed.

"Fine, fine, I'm stupid, I'm an idiot, but please forgive me!" Izuru cried, clinging to the bars as though they would move for him if he believed hard enough. "I left, I'm terrible, but I left because I love him..."

The tattooed mans back tensed, and Izuru could see muscles rippling in anger under his clothing.

"Fine."

Shuhei took a half breath to get up his courage then walked away without looking back.

"Shuhei!" the blond called desperately, reaching a hand through the bars to try in some way to beckon his friend back. "Shuhei, please! Don't leave me! I need you! Don't do this to me!"

His pleas were met with nothing but silence.

Quickly and with no premeditation or grace whatsoever, Izuru came undone. Tears cascaded down his face in burning streams, pain stabbed through his belly harshly, his knees began to give way under the pressure of emotion and absolute despair.

A river of blood began to flow down his legs.

XXX

Thanks for reading! Next chapter we're getting a new little addition!


	11. Novocaine Lips

MP: I am so uninspired to do homework, I think it might be making me write faster. Anyways.

Cee: MissPessimist does not own any plots, affiliates, characters, or anything even remotely connected to the city, county, and state of "Bleach". Lyrics used in this chapter and the previous one are taken from "Is it Day or Night?" by The Runaways.

MP: Yes indeed...it's baby time. Story starts now.

XXX

"_Is it day or night? White flowers weep in their warm dust sleep, and it's dog eat dog tonight."_

"He was always so nice to me, though..."

"That doesn't matter. Just be quiet and guard."

"...I still think we should go check."

Sixth seat Kaede groaned, running a calloused hand over his eyes, rubbing sleep and tension from his vision. Beside him, Tenth seat Shima was nearly vibrating with nerves as he kept glancing back towards the door they were guarding. "Look kid, I just think you need to chill out a bit."

"But he's been screaming for a while now-"

"Leave him be" Kaede said tonelessly, cracking his knuckles; a nervous habit. True, he'd been plenty freaked out the first time they had heard the screaming, but he had been around long enough to know that when someone is thrown in jail you don't talk to them, you don't look at them, you don't do shit with them. So no, nobody was leaving their post because they felt bad for Kira.

"But he sounds really bad...and...and he _was_ really big when we saw him, you know" Shima said skittishly, wringing his hands. "I really think we should-"

"Shut up, he's fine."

Another scream pierced the still air from behind the door.

Shima grimaced and nearly turned to fully face the door, before Kaede's hand shot out and clenched his upper arm. "What did I say? Stay here, leave him alone."

"But he-"

"He's a traitor, we don't hand out help to traitors."

"But he's got to be alive to be punished, right?" Shima asked nervously. "What if he's dying in there and everyone blames us because he was screaming his lungs out and we didn't go and check on him?"

Kaede shook his head in frustration, fighting the need to give the kid a good smack around the head. "That isn't going to happen, hear me? You're getting yourself worked up over nothing."

Shima tucked his head into his shoulders slightly, making him look a little tortoise-like. "But, Kira-fukutaicho..."

The taller man sighed, and gave his eyes another rub down. "He isn't a fukutaicho anymore, you know that."

"But he _was_" Shima mumbled.

Kaede shook his head. Yeah, Kira had been alright at one point...well, better than alright, but that doesn't mean he gets special treatment...even if maybe he needed it...

He remembered first coming to his division and being so nervous and stupid and just scared shit-less of Ichimaru. And how Kira had been there to help him, calm him, make him stronger. Kira had been the only leader he had known in the Third Division. That defection had hurt worse than Ichimaru's.

And he hadn't been able to hold on to that foolish hope that maybe Kira would come back, that maybe Kira wasn't that bad of a person, that his division might have meant something.

He wasn't stupid like Shima.

Another scream sliced through the air, causing both men to wince.

Shima came up onto the balls of his feet, then rocked back down to rest on his heels."Look, I just...I want to go take a look."

Groaning, Kaede looked towards the younger man. "Look kid-"

"I won't talk to him, I promise!" Shima said hastily. "He won't even notice me, I'll be in and out."

Weighing the options in his mind, Kaede sighed and nodded. "Fine, just be quick about it, okay?"

Grinning triumphantly, Shima quickly turned to the door to rush through it, tossing a "Thanks!" behind him.

Laughing quietly, Kaede shook his head. "Pain in my ass..." he mumbled with no real malice.

"Sixth seat Harudan..." he heard the man call weakly. "Kaede!"

Quickly sorting through all the worse possible scenarios in his mind, Kaede charged through the door, hand ready to pull his sword and strike.

Shima stood out the entrance of the cell, stock still.

"Well, what is it?" Kaede asked, releasing his hold on the hilt of his sword and approaching angrily. "You got me in here, what's the-"

Kaede halted next to Shima, who was peering into the iron cage with wide eyes. Slowly, the sixth seats dark eyes grew larger and larger than he had ever felt them.

Smeared, spread, splattered all over the floor of the cell was blood in various states of arrival. Some of it was dry, some had created a thin shell of crust over itself, and some splotches were fresh and shining.

Kira sat hunched against the bars of the cell, his white clothes stained to a bright, crimson red. His hair hung forward into his face, creating a partial curtain for his wide, shell-shocked eyes.

Opening his mouth and finding no sound coming out, Kaede cleared his throat briefly then gave Shima a smack on the back. "Make a call to the Fourth."

Snapping out of his shock, the younger man quickly sprinted away, sparing no glances behind him.

Kaede stared into the cell, down at the blonde lump beneath him, which opened its mouth and screamed once again.

He could swear he heard the other mans throat cracking and dying in the echo of the scream.

XXX

As one would expect, the news spread like wild fire.

"_The traitor fukutaicho from the Third who got captured last night just got relocated to the Fourth."_

"_Yeah, he's either in labor or he lost the baby...yes, it's a he."_

"_We know it doesn't make any sense in hell, but it's happening!"_

And also as one would expect, the city had begun to freeze over, literally and figuratively.

The first truly cold day of the new season had hit late the night before, bringing with it a rain of ice and snow that rampaged over the city and its surroundings. And within this growing ice fortress, life attempted to continue on as it had.

Lights still shone in windows, work was completed, a few holed up in bars to try to pretend that what was happening was not happening. But the streets were desolate; nobody ventured outside for fear that they would shatter the suspended peace that had settled across the sky. Once a destination was reached, it seemed nobody found the courage to leave it.

Why? Of what was there to be afraid?

The fear that three steps on the road to war had been skipped.

They had entered the desert and breached an impregnable fortress. Yes, they had retreated fairly quickly, but a hole had been created. And out of this hole would flood a torrent of weapons and soldiers, things that nobody believed they could be prepared for yet.

Now there was nothing to do but wait.

Wait for the world to shatter, for the silence to be broken, for the world to end or begin.

XXX

Another dark room...

It appeared to Shuhei that no matter where he went today, dark, shadowy rooms seemed drawn to him.

He lay face down on his bed, all lights shut off in order to give him the proper wallowing mood. His arms were up, crossed over his head in a strangely defensive position, warding off unwanted thoughts and lingering feelings of guilt. Slowly his back rose and fell with a deep intake of breath.

He really...he hadn't meant to get so angry at Kira.

No, he didn't _think _he meant it. But he knew that he did mean it, deep down. He _was _angry at Kira, and he had wanted to hurt him, to make him hurt the way Shuhei had been hurting for months. So he had.

But he hadn't meant to get as angry as he did.

He had just wanted to talk...but things had gotten a bit overheated, he supposed.

Sighing, Shuhei flipped over to his back, staring up at the ceiling tiredly. The ceiling looked down at him impassively, offering him no solace or advice. Closing his eyes, Shuhei have his head a clearing shake.

Yelling at Kira had felt nice, as bad as that sounded. Months of pent up aggression had finally come forth in the worst possible way he could have unleashed it. He wanted Kira to see that he had made a mistake, he had not meant to actually upset him.

But he had. He had heard the screams before he was clear of the building, and yes, he had wanted to turn back and go to his friend.

Even then he couldn't justify it to himself. Could not see how he could be abandoned and torn apart, and then yell and carry on, but still be capable of going back for Kira.

He couldn't do it.

And yet, just sitting here felt like a betrayal. A betrayal that somehow seemed more offensive than Kira's. Kira had left Sereitei because he thought it would be the best thing for himself, because he _wanted _to be with Ichimaru, for whatever reason.

Shuhei's betrayal was made out of cowardice and spite.

But...when he had said that he wasn't sure that he could forgive Kira, he had meant it. How could he forgive him after all he had done? How could he go to him and apologize for what he had done?

He couldn't.

There was just no way he could bring himself to do it, even for Kira.

Kira who had been his best friend for years and years. The same Kira who had been willing to stay up with him all night and help him study for his finals, even when he had his own the next day. The Kira who had waited almost two weeks to announce being made lieutenant because he thought having it fall too close would take away from Shuhei's own announcement. Kira who had bailed on him and suggested that he go and talk to Yumichika and ask for a re-match.

The same Kira who had endured his pregnancy alone out of either fear or embarrassment. And then he had left.

He desperately wanted to give Kira his forgiveness, but he just couldn't.

Even now, when he knew that Kira needed him.

All alone, in pain, probably so frightened...

If there was ever a time his friend needed him, this was it. Kira needed his help.

But how could he? He couldn't even find the strength to turn back and forgive him, and maybe ask for forgiveness in return.

Was staying with his principles the better option than perhaps doing the right thing and going to help his friend? Shuhei wasn't sure he had the strength to do either of those things.

Sitting here and doing nothing while Kira was in pain and needed him would tear him up, destroy him. But at the same time, he didn't want to go back like a fool, repenting for actions that he was not all that sorry about.

He was trapped in a terrible fix.

Shuhei sat up against the wall, running a hand through his hair.

Which of those options would make him feel better, is the question.

Option 1 would make him feel like the lousy bastard he was at this point in time, so there was no positivity there.

Option 2 makes him feel less like a bastard, but still pretty lousy. Well...more pathetic, but some difference.

It was more what his second option implied that bothered him, instead of the actual act of it.

Going meant that he was forgiving Kira, and was willing to be there for him. But he wasn't ready to forgive Kira; maybe not ever, even if he wanted to help him this last time.

...Last time.

This could be the last time he ever got to be with Kira, the last time he gets to speak to him. After this, Kira could be imprisoned, exiled, killed, any of those.

He didn't want to remember the last time he saw Kira as that fight. Didn't want those words to be the last he said to his friend. He wanted to forgive and he wanted to be forgiven. But the wall to forgiveness was too steep for him to climb at this point. And...

None of these ideas changed the fact that what happened _did_happen. It happened, and he hated Kira for doing that to him, but he couldn't just abandon him.

Couldn't abandon him like Kira had done. Nobody deserves that, especially not twice in a lifetime.

Yes...he supposed that the best thing he could do now was go and see Kira. Not to make things right, or back to where they had been, just to let his friend know that there was still someone there for him, even if in the smallest way.

XXX

No doubt the Fourth was a much better place to be than that terrible little cell, and had he not felt like his stomach was being ripped out Izuru might have appreciated it.

But as it is...

He gripped the metal edge of the hospital bed with a small whimper, attempting to keep the scream inside. The bottom of his back was in agony; every contraction it felt as though his spine was being crushed and scattered to ashes. But it wouldn't even stop as it used to, now the pain was constant and sharp.

He took one deep breath in, trying in some small way to alleviate the strain in his back and his pelvis.

No good.

There was no pattern to these contractions anymore, no rhythm for him to try to follow, no room for him to make a strategy. They just stabbed through his spine at their own pace, filling him until he felt ready to burst with the agony.

And nobody here seemed willing to help him.

The Fourth Division members did not seem outwardly angry at him, but neither were they comforting. He just felt...isolated.

And it was only made worse by Unohana-taicho.

In Fourth Division fashion, she did not blatantly show that she was angry with him. Actually, she didn't seem all that angry at all, just extremely disappointed in him. Her stance before him was solid and immobile, and her usually warm eyes were cold but not without some miniscule amount of pity.

"Kira-san."

Yes, no more 'fukutaicho', now he was just Kira-san.

"I want you to know that your condition is incredibly rare. So rare in fact, that this has never been recorded before, and your case may be the first of its kind" she explained calmly. "That being said, I should also tell you that I'm not entirely sure how to treat it."

Izuru nodded numbly, letting the words register with him and spark up anxiety in his heart.

Unohana gave a short sigh. "But we will try, and at this time we are going to treat this as a regular pregnancy. With exceptions, of course."

The blond nodded again, eager to hear any form of comfort. "Yes, yes, of course."

Frowning, the braided woman closed her eyes. "You should, however, be aware that there is a significant risk involved in this."

Well, he knew that was coming.

"Since this is such a rare case we can't ensure your safety or the safety of your...child" she said, glancing bemusedly at his stomach. "In truth, the probability of both of you surviving this is very low."

"Y-Yes, I know" Izuru said quietly, rubbing a hand absentmindedly over the bump.

"We will try, though. Once you're fully prepared we can remove the baby via cesarean section, but to do that we will have to administer an epidural."

"Alright."

"Now tell me, how strong are your contractions at this point?"

Clearing his throat, Izuru tried sitting up straighter. "They're um, they've been getting stronger every time."

Unohana nodded. "And are they coming regularly right now?"

"No, they have no pattern at all" the blond shook his head. "They just pop out of nowhere."

Knitting her eyebrows together, Unohana seemed to process this information in her mind. "Strange. Where do you feel these pains most intensely?"

"In my lower back, mostly."

"And I take it these pains don't stop after the contraction is through?"

"Yes, they're pretty much constant" Izuru said, grimacing.

Unohana nodded surely. "Yes, I'm sure I know what the problem is. It would seem that you have back labor, Kira-san."

Izuru frowned. "What does that mean exactly?"

"It means your baby is probably in occiput posterior position. That is, it's head is facing your abdomen, so it is causing pressure on your sacrum."

"Is that bad, what does that mean?" Izuru asked nervously.

"No, no" the woman smiled. "I'm afraid it means you're going to be incredibly uncomfortable until we can get you medicated.'

Izuru breathed a sigh of relief. Pain was alright, he could deal with that, but anything else...

"Unfortunately this also means that labor is going to be slow to start. You'd better find something to occupy your time."

Izuru looked around the almost barren hospital room distastefully. "This is going to be a bit of a challenge, Taicho."

Smiling her first truly warm smile since she entered the room. "Oh, I'm not sure about that."

"There isn't much to do in this place besides think up problems, ma'am" the blond tried to smile.

"Well, I don't think you'll have that problem. You can walk around the room to take some of the strain off your back" she suggested, turning to face the door. As she walked, her haori swished behind her smoothly. "And I think you might have a visitor."

Creasing his brows, Izuru was about to ask who it was as Unohana took her leave, before a familiar form walked into the room.

Shuhei stood partially leaning against the door frame, his hands braced on either side of his body. "Hey" he said softly.

Izuru's eyes were large as he took in the sight of his returned friend. "Shuhei."

Rubbing his head sheepishly, Shuhei almost blushed. "Yeah..."

Blue eyes, similar to pinwheels at this point, blinked in wonder and confusion. "You...came back."

"Yeah."

"And you're still mad?"

Shuhei nodded. "I am."

"But you came back."

"Let's not talk about it, Kira" Shuhei sighed, entering the room and pulling the door shut behind him. "I just want to be here for...you know."

Izuru's head shook slightly. "I don't really know, but you don't need to explain to me."

They stood in silence once again, this one less uncomfortable than its predecessor.

"Shuhei?" Izuru asked after a moment of contemplation.

"Yes?" the brunet answered quickly, grateful for the break in the silence.

"Could you..." he started, faltering. After a quick clear of his throat, the blond continued, "Can you help me stand up?'

XXX

"Does moving help at all?" Shuhei asked, quietly trailing a few inches behind Izuru as the paced about the strangely empty hallways of the Fourth. Unohana had been loathe to grant a prisoner leave to freely walk around the hospital, but had grudgingly consented after Shuhei promised that he would follow very closely.

"Not at all" Izuru sighed, his hands braced against his lower back, hospital robe swishing around his feet."But Unohana-taicho said that this will take some of the strain off my back."

"And how are the pains?" Shuhei asked, still looking at the bump as he would a foreign object; with curiosity and a hint of disdain.

"Still not regular, but they're getting worse and worse."

"That's...not good, I guess" the brunet said thoughtfully, his blatant lack of medical training rearing its ugly head.

"No" Izuru said simply as they rounded a corner and paused in front of a large window. The courtyard beneath them was frozen and white with snow, a few flecks continuing to fall from the almost-evening sky. "...I've been away a long time."

"No kidding, Blondie" Shuhei smiled wryly, stepping up beside him. "A lot has changed."

"Oh really? Besides the weather, you mean?"

"Yeah."

"Care to explain, oh keeper of secrets?" Izuru asked teasingly.

Shuhei gave a little laugh. "Well, me and Yumichika are..you know, going pretty strong now."

Izuru raised a pale blond eyebrow. "Like, _strong _strong?'

Smiling bashfully, Shuhei nodded. "Real strong."

Giving a small but triumphant smile, Izuru looked towards the window once again. "Well, you're welcome."

Laughing, Shuhei faced the window as well to look out on the arrival of winter. "I guess I do owe you one for that."

They stood silently before the window, where the cold was leaking through the thin barrier of glass.

"So...what's been going on with you, then?" Shuhei asked, semi-awkwardly.

Izuru chuckled. "Well..." he gave his stomach a pat; "This happened."

"Yeah" Shuhei nodded, giving a breathy half-a-laugh.

"And I, um...I learned some Spanish, I guess" Izuru said, shrugging his shoulders. "Some very rudimentary Spanish."

Shuhei blinked confusedly. "Why...?"

"It's their second language. I didn't really want to learn it, but Luppi insisted-"

"Luppi?"

"And Tesra" Izuru continued absentmindedly, breathing onto the glass of the window to create fog and beginning to trace patterns into it.

"Oh" Shuhei nodded indulgently, unsure if he was going to be receiving any more information.

"They talked to me during the day when I had nothing to do. Showed me around, those types of things."

Shuhei attempted not to look offended at the thought that Izuru was living it up making friends in Hueco Mundo while he had been here worried sick.

"I hope they're doing alright now" Izuru said quietly, almost talking to himself. "I didn't leave at the best time."

"There never is a good time to leave" Shuhei said bitterly. "You should know that."

Izuru blushed across his nose. "Shuhei...if you're looking for an apology-"

"I'm not" Shuhei said simply, surprising the other man. "I don't expect you to apologize for what you did. I get that you did what you thought you had to."

Almost smiling, Izuru turned to his friend again. "I-"

"But don't expect an apology from me for what I said" Shuhei continued, as though he had not heard the blond begin to speak. "I meant it, I'm not sorry."

Frowning again, Izuru gave a slow nod. "I don't expect one from you, either."

"...We should start walking again" Shuhei said.

"I guess" Izuru conceded, stepping away from the window and letting his patterns disintegrate from the glass.

XXX

Izuru forced himself to swallow the small lump of trepidation that was building in his throat. "That...that needle is bigger than I expected."

"Seriously" Shuhei agreed, staring in awe at the gargantuan needle in Unohana's hands. "I...do you have anything smaller?"

"This is not a shoe store, Hisagi-fukutaicho, it is a hospital" Unohana smiled, her menacing aura sneaking in around the corners of her mouth. "This is the standard needle used to administer the epidural."

"And...this is going to make the contractions go away?" the blond asked cautiously.

"Most likely you will still feel a bit of discomfort during the contractions, but this is going to be an immense help with the pain in your back" she explained calmly. "Honestly, the rewards outweigh the risks. And, you will _have _to have one eventually because we're planning on a C-Section."

Izuru breathed out shakily, still staring at the needle like it was a coiled snake. "Could I maybe have a minute to think about it?"

Unohana nodded kindly. "Of course, I'll come back to check in in a few minutes."

As the older woman left, Shuhei looked down at the blond seated below him, who seemed to have begun to shrink into himself as the conversation progressed. "Kira?"

The other man glanced up at him, almost as though he had forgotten Shuhei was there. "Yes?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yes...yes, I'm fine...no, I'm not" Izuru tripped over his words, his head shaking. "I just...I'm so overwhelmed right now and I don't know what to do..."

"Yeah" Shuhei said absentmindedly. "Being knocked up will do that to you."

Izuru raised his head to shoot a scathing look at the brunet.

"...Sorry."

The blond let his head fall forward once again into his waiting hands, and gave his head a conflicted shake. "I don't know, I don't know what to do..."

"What don't you know?" Shuhei asked, putting a hand on the blonds shoulder.

"I don't know if I can do this..."

"What?"

"I can't do this, Shuhei" Izuru said, his head beginning to shake. "I don't think I can, I'm not strong enough."

"Kira, come on. Don't go saying shit like that and freaking yourself out" Shuhei said, crossing in front of the blond and kneeling a bit to be eye-level. "You _are _strong enough, you can do this."

Izuru raised his head, his eyes beginning to glisten with moisture. "No, I can't! I'm not ready for this! I can't be a parent!"

"You're picking a hell of a time to get cold feet, Kira" Shuhei said, bringing his hand up to his face and giving his eyes a rub. "Just be calm, okay?"

"No!" Izuru yelled, his red-rimmed blue gaze shooting anger towards the other man. "I_ cannot_ be calm about this, you ass! This is a baby, that I need to take care of for the rest of my life! My life is over now!"

"And you haven't thought of all this before?"

"Now it's real...everything is real and I can't handle it" the blond whispered out rapidly, his hands going back up to his head and grasping at either side of his head in an effort to slow his thoughts. "Oh God, I can't do this."

"Hey," Shuhei leaned forward and placed his hands over the other mans, slowly bringing then down to rest in his lap. "Come on, look at me."

Hesitantly, Izuru raised his somewhat blotchy, teary-eyed face.

"You can do this" Shuhei assured him, squeezing the blonds hands tighter in his own.

"But I-"

"No" the brunet cut him off. "I know you can do this. You've gotten this far, now you just have a little more to go."

Izuru nodded, his hair falling back into his face, only to be brushed away. "I know that."

"So don't be afraid. You'll be great, and I'll be right here to help you if you need me, okay?"

Lips twitching upwards in a pale ghost of a smile, Izuru nodded again. "Yeah...okay."

A sudden burst of pain began to burn through the blonds pelvis and shot upwards into his spine like a flaming pillar. His already tight grip on Shuhei's hand became a crushing force, until the brunet could swear he felt his finger bones touching and cracking. The immovable pressure rolled forth from his back to his front, down to his stomach and lower.

"Oh Dios, esto duele..." Izuru grit from between his teeth, his face reddening from the exertion of holding back his pain. "Mierda..."

"Just breathe, you're okay" Shuhei attempted to sooth, while holding back his own pain as his hands were crushed in his friends grip.

After another few moments of the tightening pain, Izuru released his hold on Shuhei with a sigh of relief. "Oh wow..."

"That's correct" Shuhei muttered, flexing his fingers and feeling the soreness begin to alleviate. "What does that feel like?"

Taking another deep breath, Izuru shook his head. "Like my stomach is making a fist."

"Ouch."

"I know, right?" the blond rolled his eyes as he glanced at his friend with a small smile.

"So this is just proof that you should just take the shot and be happy about it" Shuhei suggested, standing to his full height once again.

Frowning at the thought of the needle, Izuru sighed and brushed his bangs back. "Fine, let's just do it."

Smiling, Shuhei reached down and ruffled the blonds hair, earning him a little sound of discomfort and a scowl. "Glad you see it my way."

XXX

Settling onto the bed with a little sigh, Izuru looked around the room as though seeing it for the first time. "This is like a party now."

"I'm happy for you" Shuhei nodded, smiling bemusedly at the change of his friends attitude.

"That...you know, that just made the lambs stop screaming" the blond rambled, nodding his head. "It's so calm now..."

Shaking his head, the brunet sat on a chair beside the bed. "You're glad you had it done now?"

Izuru let a little laugh tip his head back onto the pillow behind him. "So happy."

"Good."

Just inhaling the air of the hospital felt like he was breathing in laughing gas, and the blond smiled almost wistfully. "You know..."

Shuhei leaned forward in the chair, resting his elbows on his knees. "What?"

Glancing over at the tattooed man, Izuru shook his head. "Never mind."

"Oh, come on."

"It's not important."

"Just say it" the brunet pressed.

"It's just that..." Izuru looked up at the ceiling, beginning to routinely count the rectangles of undisturbed white before it was broken up by a thin wooden barrier. "This is the last time it's me."

Shuhei almost groaned. "Kira, stop."

"No, it's just...from this point on it will never be just me again. I'll be a plus one" the blond trailed on, eyes beginning to close.

"Are you talking about the kid or Ichimaru?' Shuhei asked, his voice coming out almost grumbling.

Blue eyes blinking open once again, Izuru looked over at his tattooed friend. "Plus two, then."

Shuhei leaned back in his chair, propping his feet up on the edge of the hospital bed. He turned his head and looked out the small window that lay just to the right of the bed, where the sky had turned to an inky black. "You really like him then, huh?"

Izuru let a laugh bubble up and fade down. "Yeah, I really do."

"And he likes you?" Shuhei said, looking back to his friend.

"I think so" Izuru nodded. "We're fond of each other."

"And..." Shuhei's frown deepened and he looked towards the ground. "He's going to help you with all of this, right? He's going to take care of you?"

The blond looked back up towards the ceiling, his hands automatically floating up to rest on top of his stomach. "I hope so...he will."

"He better."

"Don't worry, he will. And then everything will be done" Izuru said, closing his eyes once again. "I do wish he was here, though."

"Are you scared?" Shuhei asked.

Without opening his eyes, the other man nodded. "I am."

"But...you're happy here, right?"

Izuru cracked one eye open and gave his friend a tired half-smile. "More than you'll ever know."

"That's good, always happy to help" the tattooed man nodded, once again glancing out the window. "It's getting late."

Opening his eyes, Izuru turned his head to look out the window, where he couldn't see beyond the darkness. "What time is it?"

Running a hand over the back of his head, Shuhei sighed thoughtfully. "Probably around 10:30."

"Ayasegawa-san isn't going to be angry at me for stealing you this late, is he?" Izuru asked, stretching his arms out in front of him.

"Nah, he's already been mad at you for months, what's another night?" Shuhei said, chuckling slightly.

"Why was he mad?" the blond questioned. "...I guess that was a stupid question..."

Shuhei shook his head, small smile hanging off his lips. "He keeps whining about me thinking about you too much."

"Have you been?" Izuru asked, frowning.

"I guess I have" Shuhei shrugged. "I was worried about you. And you know him; he always needs to be the center of the universe."

"You were worried?" Izuru asked, familiar guilt beginning to gnaw on his already raw nerves.

"What do you think?" Shuhei asked, a sharp edge creeping into his words. "You were practically all I thought about."

The blond lowered his eyes, teeth edging out of his mouth to worry the skin of his lip into a bright red. It shouldn't be that surprising, should it? He knew when he left that it was going to upset his friends, but he had not expected to come back and face them.

"I know you probably don't care..." he began, beginning to gently rub at the skin covering his knuckles. "But I'm sorry about what I did, and that I didn't tell you. I..." he almost reached out to take one of the hands that rested on his friends knees. "I never meant for any of this to hurt you."

Shuhei looked back up towards the other man, the mediocre lamplight of the room casting gruesome shadows across the blonds wan face with ghostly prominence, his over-large eyes cast down to the blanket covering up his stomach.

Kira didn't used to look like this.

Resigning himself to making peace, if at least for the moment, the tattooed man reached out his hand and took Izuru's much paler one from atop the bump. "I know you didn't. This...I know that this isn't your fault, and I'm sorry for what I said back in the cell."

Izuru's eyes seemed to be yearning for tears, but none would come. They instead swam with emotions Shuhei was able to distinguish as happiness and regret. "Thank you...I don't know how I was ever planning on doing this without you."

"Me either" the brunet said, smiling the first real comfortable smile of the day. "You probably couldn't."

"No, probably not" Izuru shook his head. "So this is actually a really good thing."

Chewing on his bottom lip, Shuhei released his friends hand and sat back once again. "Do you know what it's going to be?"

"I'm fairly certain it's going to be a baby."

Rolling his eyes, Shuhei shook his head. "Like boy or girl, that whole deal."

Shaking his head, Izuru stifled a small yawn. "No, I have no idea."

"Any...names at all?" the other man asked awkwardly.

Closing his eyes, the blond let his head fall back heavily. "We have a few for a girl...only one for a boy..."

"Why is that?"

"Gin wants a girl so badly..." Izuru yawned again. "He's going to be so disappointed" he smiled softly.

"You should try to get some sleep. Unohana-taicho said that you still have a way to go before they can begin the procedure" Shuhei said, realizing his own eyes were becoming heavy as well.

"Alright...will you wake me up if anything happens?"

"Course I will" the tattooed man affirmed, resting his head down on the scratchy hospital sheets.

"Okay..." Izuru nodded weakly, his voice dying down to no more than a whisper. "Let's not say anything else...let's just go to sleep..."

XXX

"Kira..."

"Go away..."

"Wake up, Kira. It's time."

Numbly, Izuru lifted his still heavy lids to peer hazily up into Shuhei's weary face. "What time is it?" he asked, not entirely sure that his voice had come out of his mouth.

"It's around 2:30 A.M now."

The blond groaned. "She wants to do it _now_?"

Shuhei nodded, rubbing sleep out of one eye. "It seems that way, she said everything was set. Not entirely sure what she meant by that, but it means we have to go."

"Okay..." Izuru nodded, still drunk with sleep and nearly blind to the world. "Let's do it, then."

Suddenly the bed began to move, wheeling across the room and out the door, effectively jolting Izuru awake. Turning to glance behind him, he was able to see that the bed was being pushed by two nameless Fourth Division members, not black magic.

"This bed has wheels..." he noted tiredly. "You should tell people when they're in a wheel-y bed."

"Are you ready, Kira?" Shuhei asked as they entered the empty hallway and sped on.

"Ready as I'll ever be" Izuru nodded, yawning.

"That's good, that's good" the brunet said dazedly, his own senses still waking up. "Are you nervous?"

"Not at the moment" the other man mumbled, rubbing at the back of his messy hair, trying to untangle knots.

"Okay, good. That makes one of us."

"Don't be nervous" Izuru soothed halfheartedly. "It's not like you're being cut in half, or anything."

"Sorry" Shuhei said, as they stopped in front of an open door and began to wheel the bed in. "Here we go, this is happening."

"It actually is..." Izuru trailed off, strangely finding no trepidation or sense of helplessness as they entered through the door. In its place was an exhilaration, and a surety that he had never felt before: a feeling of complete calm, a readiness to accept what was happening, good or bad.

The inside of the room was bright, almost blinding against his blurred eyes. Blinking rapidly to clear them, Izuru creased his brows to focus on the object in the center of the room. There, a long narrow table with a raised front end rested, surrounded by a few bustling Fourth Division members, while Unohana herself stood near the end of it, fastening gloves to her hands. As they entered, she looked towards them with a reassuring smile.

"Good morning, Kira-san, Hisagi-fukutaicho" she nodded to the other man, who gave a short nod back. "Are you ready?"

Without pausing, Izuru smiled lightly and nodded. "Yes."

Unohana smiled back. "Very good. Let's get you up on the table now."

Two young men approached him, offering out their hands to him tentatively. Gratefully accepting their assistance, Izuru pulled himself up and out of the bed, Shuhei placing his hand on his friends back. "Thank you."

"Here" Shuhei said, crossing to the front and shooing the other two away. "Kira, hold on" he directed, placing his hands up near the blonds ribs and lifting him onto the table.

"Thank you" Izuru said quietly, turning so that his legs were slightly out.

"You don't feel like you gained any weight" Shuhei mumbled.

"Just lucky, I guess" the blond shrugged, settling his back against the raised end of the table.

"Yeah, maybe" Shuhei sighed, settling himself near the blonds head. "Let's just hope you're not emaciated when this is over."

Izuru opened his mouth to answer, but was halted as a sheet was raised and secured over his chest, effectively covering up his view of the bump. This created a slight feeling of unease in him, at being cut off in some small way from the baby.

"Kira-san, are you prepared to start?" Unohana asked from behind the sheet.

"Yes" Izuru said, just a twinge less sure than before.

"You shouldn't feel any pain during the procedure due to the epidural, but you may feel a bit of tugging when we remove the baby" Unohana explained, as Izuru guessed she was undoing the clothes covering his stomach.

Izuru nodded, biting his lip. Shuhei glanced down and took his friends hand. "You're alright" he reassured, squeezing softly. "You can do this."

"I know I can" the blond agreed quietly.

"I'll be making the incision now" Unohana informed, her voice slightly muffled. "You shouldn't feel anything."

Fighting to keep his breathing steady with the knowledge that his stomach was being cut open, Izuru squeezed harder onto Shuhei's hand.

"Shuhei..." he croaked out.

"Yeah?" the tattooed man answered, his own hands starting to shake.

"Can you see it?"

Fighting not to groan, Shuhei leaned to the right just slightly and glanced behind the curtain. Almost immediately, he shot back to his original position. "I did."

"What does it look like?" Izuru asked, straining his neck to see beyond the sheet.

"You don't want to know, put your head back down" Shuhei instructed, trying to wipe the previous images from his brain.

A strange sensation emerged in his mid-section, a strange bubbling, a wriggling feeling coming up from his skin that was almost uncomfortable and made him take in a quick breath.

"Oh my..." Unohana said quietly, her voice just barely making it past the barrier.

A sharp tugging feeling erupted around his stomach, and Izuru clenched his eyes shut with a little groan. His breath beginning to pick up with anxiousness, the hand in his clenched tighter.

"You're fine, it's almost over, you're okay" Shuhei was whispering to him.

Softly, slowly, the sensation began to fade. His breath began to calm, but his eyes remained shut. He heard Unohana 'hmph' and say; "Well go on, cry." A moment later, a weak sound of discomfort pierced the air. Gin...

"Open your eyes, Kira-san" Unohana said, from much closer to him. "Take a look at your son."

With a small gasp of emotion, Izuru unclenched his eyes, inching them open slowly. He was aware of Shuhei standing beside him, hand still clenched in his own, staring towards the woman beside him. Unohana stood before him with her sleeves rolled up, gloves bloody at the wrists, a small bundle in her arms, stretching out for him.

The room seemed to go still and silent as his somewhat shaking arms reached out for the bundle. It settled into his arms, laying on his chest with a lightweight warmth, and a little noise of discomfort before it rested comfortably and they were face to face.

His eyes were closed, his lids dusted and dark with purple veins, dark lashes already long and curling against his plump, sticky cheeks. A small, thin-lipped mouth was twitching open and closed, making small whimpers and cries against his skin. Atop his head, a tangle of sticky, wet hair was plastered to his scalp.

A son.

His son.

His child.

Izuru raised a numb finger, brushing gently over a soft, wet cheek, brushing away a thin layer of blood. This movement alerted the child to the new presence in the world, and two eyes blinked open.

The right one was the first to appear, hazy and dark with an eight month long sleep. Dark blue, darker than Izuru's own color, peered at him, a large pupil centered on him, only a shade darker than the blue surrounding it. As the second eye appeared, the blond almost gasped in surprise.

His left eye opened slowly, bearing to sight almost the polar opposite of the right. From the black center spread a solid wall of green, as light and round as an olive, a thick ring of dark green lining the outer edges of his vision.

"You're a lizard..." he breathed, smiling gently at the shock of holding his child.

This caused no reaction in the infant, whose cries had ceased and instead was looking at him in newborn curiosity.

"Kira-san?" Unohana asked, removing her dirty gloves to replace them with cleaner ones. "What is his name?"

Clearing his throat as a division member came forward and began to gently wipe the blood off of the baby's cheek with a wet towel. Izuru put his finger into his sons tiny fist. "His name is Takeshi."

Unohana nodded, securing her new set of gloves. "May I take him to be washed?"

Inadvertently tightening his grip in the tiny form in his arms, Izuru bit his lip. "I..."

"We'll just be over there, I promise" the older woman smiled, holding out her arms for the child.

Izuru looked over to the other side of the room, behind Shuhei where a small basin of water had been placed on a table. Hesitantly, he nodded, and gently held up the baby. "Alright."

Gently, Unohana took the baby in her arms and carried him over to the basin.

Shuhei stared after her, at the small person she held that shook it's fists as it began a quivering cry. He looked down at Izuru, who was looking past him to his child, eyes wide and shocked. "Kira."

Breaking his gaze from the baby, Izuru looked up at Shuhei. They stared at each other.

"I love you, Kira" Shuhei said softly, his fingers somehow winding in his friends hair.

"I love you, Shuhei" the blond answered, his own hand going up to touch the darker one. "Thank you."

Sighing, Shuhei offered him a smile and unwound his fingers from Izuru's hair. "I'll see you."

Izuru gave a short nod. "Good bye."

Shuhei opened his mouth as though to say something more, but closed it. He turned away and slowly made his way to the door, fighting not to look back as he took his final step out the door.

XXX

He walked in silence all the way back to his room at the Ninth. The room was dark, but had been heated and he stepped inside thankfully. Yumichika lay curled up in his bed, uniform neatly folded and placed on top of his drawers.

Stripping out of his uniform, Shuhei felt tension and weariness coursing over his muscles in his fatigue. He couldn't remember feeling this tired in a very, _very _long time.

He carefully peeled back the covers of the bed and crawled in beside his lover, placing his arm around Yumichika's pale shoulders and pulling him close.

Mumbling in his sleep, Yumichika squirmed slightly then moved closer, pushing his nose into Shuhei's skin and breathing in happily.

Shuhei smiled.

Yumichika...Kira...

Yes, he supposed he was happy.

And he hoped, at least for Kira's sake, that the sun was bright tomorrow.

XXX

In the Fourth Division, just as the sun was rising, a pale figure entered Izuru's room, where Takeshi lie next to him in the bed, eyes wide open and staring up at the rays that were beginning to stretch across the ceiling. Slowly, the figure leaned over the bed, and placed a cold hand over Takeshi's head.

After a moment of soaking in the babies warmth, the figure moved to place his thin lips onto the blonds forehead. Izuru's eyes fluttered open at the contact, and he smiled sleepily.

"Gin..."

His arms tightly locked around the other mans neck, and the sun found its place in the sky.

XXX

This is not the end.


	12. As The World Falls Down

MP: Really winding down now, just this chapter and then another small one that will hopefully be uploaded very soon, and we'll be all done.

Cee: MissyPessimisty does not own any characters, plots, or affiliates that are even slightly related to the city, county, and state of Bleach. That would be Kubo. Lyrics used are taken from "As the World falls Down" by David Bowie originally, but also from a fantastic cover by Girl in a Coma. I do not own that song, that would be silly.

MP: Story starts now.

XXX

"_As the pain sweeps through, makes no sense for you. Every thrill has gone, wasn't too much fun at all...But I'll be there for you as the world falls down."_

He was staring at him again.

Propping his feet up on the edge of Izuru's hospital bed, Gin returned the silent stare passively. He had won many a staring contest simply for the fact that he never opened his eyes all the way and so nobody ever really knew he was cheating, and thought he was too much of a bastard to care. But this was not a contest; this was just how Takeshi looked at things.

Two eyes were wide open and large, attempting to focus in on the world around him, as though everything he saw was going too fast for him to get in clearly. Resting peacefully on his favorite spot lying on Izuru's softly rising chest, Takeshi looked at Gin as though he was one of the only things that came in with no distractions.

And Gin just looked right back, silent. Fiddling with the long red cuff on his left arm, he broke the gaze long enough to glance up at Izuru's sleeping face. His blonde looked wan and pale, almost no different from when Takeshi had still been a bump on his stomach and not a flesh and blood creature that required actual looking after.

He had thought that as soon as the baby came things would go back to normal (or as normal as being confined to a hospital room surrounded by guards and wearing four reiatsu restrictors could get), but it didn't happen the way he planned. Nothing really went the way he had originally planned, really. He had not planned to abandon his nearly lifelong quest for vengeance against Sosuke Aizen in the blink of an eye and turn tail back to the Sereitei in the name of selling out his former taicho in exchange for Izuru's life and his own arrest…but then again, nothing in his life had ever been simple to begin with.

Even now the knowledge that all the years of patience and cunning, all the years thinking his time was well spent was now time wasted…it settled in his chest like a heavy stone. He had convinced himself for so long that the end of this trial was going to justify the means, and now here he was; alone, while Sereitei settled his score for him.

It wouldn't be so bad to be here waiting if the atmosphere of the room were not so dark, but no. Now Izuru was sick.

Takeshi had lived off of the blond's reiatsu for so long that nobody had been aware of exactly how much he had taken until the power source had been divided into two separate bodies. It had turned out that the baby had depleted over half of it on his own, creating a life for himself from Izuru's own. Compounded with the excess energy used in the birth, Izuru had been left almost totally drained.

His body had retained no weight from his pregnancy, leaving him thin and sickly looking, and his lack of reiatsu was not helped by the cuffs that could not be removed under any circumstances. Unohana had insisted that nothing had been amiss during the birth, and so the sickness Izuru was experiencing was nearly unexplainable.

"Poor l'il Izuru…" Gin muttered, his invisible gaze trailing over the contours of his lovers thin face, which was still etched with worry even in sleep.

Takeshi made a soft gurgle at the sound of his voice, and turned his small face away from Gin.

Chuckling softly, Gin shook his head. "I know. Nobody likes me…"

The door opened with a soft 'swish', and Unohana entered smoothly as Gin caught a glimpse of a few guards making way for her to pass, their backs bowed low. As the door closed behind her, she turned a critical eye to Izuru and Takeshi, who gurgled again in a more pleased manner. "How long has he been asleep?" she asked, approaching the bed.

"Dunno" Gin shrugged. "Maybe two hours."

"He shouldn't sleep for long periods of time, it's unsafe" she said clinically, bending at the waist just slightly to retrieve a paper that had been slowly inching out of the machine near Izuru's bed.

"Ain't sleep good for sick people?"

Turning a stony gaze to him, Unohana's mouth was a straight line. "Not for sick people with dangerously low reiatsu levels. He'll go to sleep and never wake up that way" she returned to looking over the long sheet of paper in her hand. "Once he is well again, he'll need all the rest he can get."

Gin frowned as Takeshi mewled sharply, disliking not being the center of attention. "Ya got any idea when that'll be?"

Unohana scanned the document for a few moments before lowering it with a heavy sigh. "These tests are normal."

"I can tell ya right now that that's not true" Gin frowned.

"I know that" Unohana replied icily. "The one that really needs to be done is the blood test, but I'm wary of doing it when he is this ill. There might be no other option but to do it now, you understand."

Nodding, Gin let out a deep sigh of his own. "I gotcha."

The brunette then bent at the waist once more, to place her hand on Izuru's shoulder and give it a soft shake. "Kira-san, you must wake up now."

It took another, harder, shake before a low groan was emitted from the back of the blonds throat. His mouth grimaced, and his eyes slowly began to crack open to display blue eyes that were still dark and drunk with sleep. Taking in the sight of the captain before him, Izuru's near permanent frown deepened. "What is it?" he muttered thickly.

"Your son needs to be changed and fed, and I'm going to draw some blood from you so we can test it" Unohana explained softly, her hands lowering down to curl about Takeshi's small form.

Absorbing this for a few moments, Izuru closed his eyes and gave a gentle nod. "Alright."

Smiling a small, thin smile Unohana easily lifted Takeshi into her arms as he gurgled and bubbled to himself. She transported him to a small changing table just adjacent to the bed, and began to change him.

"Oh you don't have to" Izuru protested weakly, pulling himself upright on shaking arms. "I can do it, just let me get up-"

"Remain where you are, Kira-san. I am perfectly capable to do this and I will not have you injure yourself because you think you know better" Unohana scolded lightly, her back facing the blond.

Shrinking into his thin shoulders, Izuru blushed and nodded again. "Of course. I'm sorry, Unohana-taicho."

Gin took his legs down from the frame of the bed and leaned forward to wrap long fingers around the bird-like bones of Izuru's wrist, rubbing back and forth slowly and feeling the individual rises and dips of skin. "Hey blondie."

Turning tired and deep-set eyes to his silver-haired lover, Izuru's mouth twitched up slightly but did not fall into a smile. "How long was I asleep?"

"Too long."

The blond turned his face away as he muttered; "Not long enough". He looked towards Unohana changing his son, who was happily trying to catch her hands with his fists. "How was he?"

Gin shrugged. "Quiet. Good kid."

Takeshi turned his head at the sound of their voices, and his small face lit up upon seeing that Izuru was finally awake. His mouth, unable to form a smile, opened and let out a few high-pitched squeals as he shook his fists once more.

Sighing, Gin shook his head. "He doesn't like me."

"Stop it, he likes you just fine. He just likes me better seeing as I'm his old house" Izuru reasoned, rolling his eyes. "Besides, you'll have some bonding time eventually."

Gin chuckled lightly. "Yeah, eventually."

Eventually was a gross overstatement. Neither of them truly had any idea what was going to happen to them after this score with Aizen was settled, and nobody really knew when that was going to be. They could easily be thrown in prison for the rest of their lives, have Takeshi taken from them, even...executed. The terms of Gin's surrender had been vague and hurried enough that he had no real bargain for anything but temporary safety and clemency for Izuru (but the latter was probably out of the question now anyway).

Eventually might never happen. And it was driving the already tense atmosphere of the room to new heights.

Unohana finished fastening Takeshi's clothes together, and let her hands linger over him as he mewled and reached for them.

"Can I please feed him now?" Izuru asked timidly.

"Not yet. I'd like to get your blood drawn first, and then after you can feed him" she determined, wiggling the fingers of her hand to the delight of the entranced baby.

"I'd really rather just feed him now, if it's all the same" the blond persisted, his wrist itching out of Gin's grasp.

"You can-"

"Will you please just give him back to me now?" Izuru interrupted shrilly, his fingers curling in towards his palms.

Unohana turned to look at the blond with an impassive face, eyes betraying no emotion. Closing them for a moment, she took a deep breath and picked Takeshi back up as he writhed and tried to get his fists on her hands even as they held him. "Here you are" she said calmly, placing him in Izuru's arms, which received him happily and held him tight. "I'll be back in half an hour to take the blood."

"Thank you" Izuru said softly, dipping his nose to nuzzle the dusting of blond hair on his sons head.

She swept away from the bed wordlessly, and as she approached the door opened from the outside (Izuru was reminded vaguely of how doors did the same for Aizen), probably from one of those helpful guards that apparently could hear every word they were saying. The door was shut behind her and the room was left in silence once again.

Izuru sighed, breathing in the smell coming off of Takeshi's hair, that newborn smell that had no name. "Will you make it?" he asked, his eyes meeting Gin's over the top of the little head.

Nodding, Gin stood from his chair and crossed to the little changing table that had been unofficially re-dubbed the spot for all of their new found baby supplies. "How much does he need?"

"I don't think any more than half" Izuru said, his fingers coaxing their way into Takeshi's tightly closed fist. "He ate a lot this morning."

"What about you?" Gin asked, measuring out the strange powder.

Izuru looked up from cuddling Takeshi's hair to look shrewdly at the other man's back. "What _about _me?"

"Ya didn't eat anythin' this morning" Gin said, shaking up the mixture and turning to look back at the blond. "Or the morning before that, or the morning before that-"

"Maybe I'm not hungry right now" Izuru answered sharply, a tight frown on his wan face. "When I'm hungry I'll eat; plain and simple."

"Ya gotta eat if you wanna get better" Gin said, crossing back to the bed and gently tossing the bottle to the blond.

"I know" Izuru muttered, taking the bottle and placing it at Takeshi's grateful mouth. "Thank you."

"Don' mention it" Gin sighed, sitting back down and placing his feet back upon the bed.

"Did you hear any word from the Sotaicho while I was asleep? Any decision reached yet?" Izuru asked quietly, his eyes never leaving the expanse of blanket stretching across the bed.

Gin frowned. "No, not yet. I'm guessin' he's a bit preoccupied at the moment what with Hueco Mundo fallin' all around his ears."

Izuru nodded quietly, his fingers absentmindedly tightening on the bundle in his arms. Clearing his throat, he looked back towards Gin with a deeper frown. "You don't think that they would...I mean, for us it seems unavoidable at this point, but...but they wouldn't...wouldn't hurt him, do you think?"

The blonds voice had grown so small, so fragile, that the other man had to strain a bit to hear the end of his sentence. Gin sat further back in his seat, left hand going to slowly twist the reiatsu cuff on his right arm thoughtfully. He had long since accepted the fact that he was probably operating under a severe time limit here, and that presented certain limitations. But he had not been entertaining the idea of Izuru not being around to raise their son, purely because the idea seemed wholly foreign to him. Izuru and Takeshi went together like milk and water from day one; they were devoted to each other, thinking of them being apart was inconceivable.

But what if it didn't turn out that way after all? He hadn't thought of that. There was a very real chance that there would be no mercy shown to Izuru after Gin was gone to either prison or an execution. And if that happened, who would be there for Takeshi? Would anybody, or would the Gotei prefer to settle it the usual way with swords?

He didn't want to think of the answers to these questions, so he settled for a murmured; "I don't know".

XXX

"Please eat."

"I'm not hungry, Gin. Leave me alone."

"You are never gonna get better unless ya eat somethin'. Now come on, eat."

Izuru sighed tiredly. It was already dark outside and Takeshi had at long last decided to make a final bid for sleep, just when Izuru was on the brink himself. But of course, Gin had begun to pester him almost the moment the baby's eyes had closed.

"Gin, I'm very tired."

The other man sighed. "I'm tired too, ya know. And you not eatin' ain't helpin' that much."

"Well, you didn't have a person pulled out of your stomach."

"...I s'pose I didn't."

Izuru nodded wearily, his dark ringed eyes blinking as though just that small movement was a laborious task. "So please let me sleep, he might wake up anytime" he sighed, glancing off to the side where Takeshi lay in the small hospital bassinet.

"I can take care of him, you sleep as long as you like" Gin persisted, sliding a small bowl of rice on the bedside table towards the blond. "But you gotta eat first, I'm serious."

Sighing heavily, Izuru straightened up slightly, a glare on his face. "If it will get you to leave me alone" he acquiesced, begrudgingly snatching bowl from the table and taking up a pair of chopsticks. "But don't expect me to eat all of it."

Smiling even wider, Gin settled back in his seat and happily watched as Izuru began to take small bites, grimacing slightly as the food entered his mouth. "Was that so hard?"

"This feels like swallowing vinegar you bastard" the blond glowered, his eyes burning holes in the feet Gin had propped on his bed.

"We never talk anymore."

Groaning, Izuru swallowed the small bit of food in his mouth. "You want to talk about this now?"

"Talkin' was kinda the point there, blondie" Gin nodded.

"But I'm _eating" _Izuru whined, placing another small bite into his mouth.

"Two minutes ago ya were never going to eat again and here we are, I think it's time we had a real talk" the silver haired man stated, leaning forward slightly. "Seeing as we ain't exactly had time to do that lately."

Swallowing heavily, the blond looked to his lovers normally carefree face to see that his mouth had once again fallen into a small frown. Izuru cast his eyes downward once again and took in a small breath. "What would you like to talk about?"

Gin shook his head, lifting up a cuffed hand to scratch at his head. "I feel like it would prolly be a waste a time to talk about maybe us getting' outta this, huh?"

Smiling grimly, Izuru nodded. "I think so, yes."

Faced with the almost certainty of death, what else is there to talk about?

"Well...say we gotta...y'know, decide what to do with the kid..." Gin nodded towards the sleeping baby, his breath stuttered slightly before evening out once more. "That is, say they let us decide. What will we say?"

Breathing evenly was becoming a bit difficult for Izuru. The combined feel of food hitting his churning stomach and the idea of his child being alone in the world was assaulting his nerves, letting him feel his weariness even more acutely. He opened his mouth to respond to Gin's question but found no sound in his throat, and so settled on giving his head a small shake.

Gin's eyes let their invisible gaze trail over the blond's thin frame, an almost imperceptible shake to his bones. He allowed his eyes to move instead to the area slightly behind the blond, where his son lay sleeping peacefully, blissfully unaware o the two silent men falling apart over him.

His eyes closed; not that it mattered.

They had both worked so hard to get here. Izuru had labored for months just to bring him into the world, and Gin had taken the risk to ensure that he might have the possibility of leading a good life in a safe world. And now it turns out that none of that even mattered.

Soon he and his beloved little blond were never going to matter again. So now all that was important was ensuring that their son might matter to someone, and grow up knowing that he does.

Scratching at his head once more, Gin exhaled sharply. "Is there anyone ya trust to look after him?"

Attempting to shake off his dark thoughts, Izuru quickly took his mental inventory. "I wouldn't leave him with a shinigami. You could die any day, and then there would be nowhere for him to go again. That's impractical; for them and for him."

"Guess you're right" Gin nodded slightly. "I don't really know much of anyone else, though."

Izuru pursed his lips subtly. "What about outside the Gotei?"

"Nobody out in rukongai for me, that's for sure" Gin replied, leaning back once more. "Do ya have anyone out there willin' to take this on?"

After a moment, Izuru gave a short nod. "I have cousins that live somewhere in the teens, they look after the family affairs. They might be willing to take him."

Smiling smally, Gin nodded. "There we go, once we get the chance we can probably cajole 'em into doin' in."

Izuru's frown remained in its place as he dropped his gaze once again from Gin's face to his feet. "And what else?"

"What else is there?"

"Us."

Us. When had "us" made the transition from simply the two of them to all three of them? Gin had not even been aware of this change until now, and he had a feeling that the "us" Izuru was referring to was not the latter.

"...What about us?"

Biting his lip, Izuru took a few quick blinks to calm himself. "I don't know...I...I don't want this to happen."

Gin moved his feet onto the floor, standing just to fluidly seat himself on the bed next to the blond, placing a comforting hand in that lovely place where Izuru's neck met his shoulder. "I know. But it might. We gotta be ready."

"I just..." Izuru pressed his lips together tightly, attempting to keep the wetness welling up in his eyes from escaping as he looked towards his sleeping son. "I just love him so much..."

Pulling the blond's body forward gently, Gin settled Izuru's head to his neck, feeling a few drops of moisture touch his skin. "I know."

"And I love you, too..." Izuru said softly, trying to absorb the meager warmth of the man he was wrapped in by placing his hands against his lovers chest. "And it's like I didn't realize how much I did until now...I love you...it hurts to think about how much I do..."

Gin's hands traveled upward again, one resting on the blond's back, the other going to begin softly stroking Izuru's hair.

"And I don't want to lose either of you..." the blond said, soft enough that Gin's ears nearly missed it as it escaped between two bitten lips.

Their arms tightened, and the areas of skin and hair and cloth their hands were grasping were suddenly held firmer than before.

Izuru took a small breath, letting calm attempt to slow the headache pounding at his brain. "Gin."

The silver haired man looked down towards the man in his arms, drinking in the sight of red-rimmed eyes, bright bitten lips, and a pale, sickly face.

It would be so lovely if it were anywhere else.

"I love you."

"I know."

His lips met another set, chapped and warm.

Takeshi woke with a stutter of breath and began to cry.

XXX

The old man was going to see him alone.

Sasakibe had coldly informed him of this as he stood in the small antechamber (as it were) of the Commander General's office. That was before he had given a vaguely aristocratic sniff, and spun on his heel to briskly walk back into the office, presumably to report on him to Yamamoto.

Gin smiled as he thought of what he could possibly say. However, he seemed to be the only one to recognize the vague comedy of this scene.

Pale, scarecrow-esque Ichimaru Gin with at least five reiatsu restricters strapped on him, surrounded by at the very least eight men whose physical appearance might put even Madarame to shame.

So really, it wasn't that surprising that the old man would decide to meet with him alone. No reiatsu, no sword, not even any incentive to try anything: Gin had become the perfect prisoner.

Yet ironically he was probably the most heavily guarded man in the Sereitei.

Well...maybe excluding Aizen Sosuke, if current rumors proved true.

The door to the office opened once again, and Sasakibe took two steps out, stopping before Gin militarily and addressing the guards. "Remain out here and stand watch in case of any problems" he looked pointedly down at Gin's large grin.

Sighing heavily, Sasakibe turned back to the door and began to walk inside, looking over his shoulder at the prisoner just long enough to order; "Follow me, Ichimaru."

"Aye aye, Sasa-kun" Gin said cheekily, following the older man into the room and hearing the door shut behind him.

The office was bright, and long. The floors gleamed with a freshly cleaned shine, the walls glowing as though the paint was re-done every morning, and at the end of the impossibly long office was a familiar slouching form.

Commander General Yamamoto had not aged a day in nearly 200 years, and yet Gin saw him as older than he ever had before now. There was an absence on the left side of the old mans body, almost invisible as he sat behind his desk, but one which Gin picked up on immediately.

This had been a great battle, indeed.

He sensed Sasakibe stopping behind him at some point, probably so that they had him covered from the front and the back. Gin stopped a short ways away from the front of Yamamoto's desk, aware of the captains eyes on him even as they appeared closed.

Huh...so that's what that feels like.

"Commander" Gin acknowledged, bowing shortly at the waist.

"Don't insult me with your two-faced manners, Ichimaru. Now stand up straight, boy" the commander's voice grated out.

Straightening up, Gin grinned towards the other man once more. "Just wanted to let ya know I missed ya."

The look on Yamamoto's face seemed to darken. "That has been made fairly obvious by your premature return to us. Suffice to say, we certainly do not return the favor."

"Figured as much" Gin shrugged, looking back towards the commanders left side. "Looks like ya won."

Yamamoto 'hmph'ed. "That would be compliments of your former captain. Who is now taking a long stay away from the world."

Nodding, Gin chuckled. "Sounds like what I told ya was helpful after all, ne?"

"Everything you said proved true, and Aizen Sosuke's army has fallen. You are truly alone, Ichimaru."

"Well," Gin lilted. "I wouldn' say that."

Sighing, Yamamoto gave a short nod. "Indeed. As I recall we have a few matters to discuss now."

"If you're gonna ask how Izuru could pop one out, I ain't got a clue."

"That is not what I was referring to" the commander almost sighed. "I've spoken to Unohana-taicho regarding the condition of Kira Izuru, and she is not optimistic."

"...Oh?"

"At this rate, even if by some miracle he is able to replenish his reiatsu, which will be made impossible by the fact he cannot remove his reiatsu restrainers, she believes his chances of ever becoming a shinigami again are gone. Your own chances, as well, are to be depleted."

Taking this in, Gin breathed evenly. They had known this, He had expected this.

"I gotcha."

"And as for the child-"

"Wait a minute there" Gin interrupted, holding up a silencing hand. "I wanna make a quick suggestion to ya. Me and Izuru got to talkin' the other night and we been thinkin'...well, you know that the kid ain't done nothin' wrong, it ain't his fault he was born to a couple a miserable bastards...Izuru's got some family out in the rukon who might be willin' to take him in if you'd-"

"Will you be silent?" Yamamoto's voice suddenly boomed. "You always did have that problem with silence."

Gin smiled sheepishly. "Old habits die hard, I guess."

"Now, I shall continue if you will let me" he ground out, his eyes opening to glare towards the silver haired man. As Gin nodded, he began again. "And as for the child, we deemed it would be best for it to be raised outside of the Sereitei as you suggested."

Nodding, Gin sighed a little in relief. "Good, that's good. Izuru mentioned they lived somewhere in the teens-"

"I suggest you find them yourself if you're so interested, Ichimaru. We will take no part in this."

Letting the words register slightly in his mind, Gin let his eyes open to tiny slits. "Huh?"

"Ichimaru Gin, as clemency for your lucrative aid in the decisive battle against Aizen Sosuke, the council has granted you your life."

Gin's eyes opened wide.

"However, as penalty for your actions prior to this, the council has banished you, Kira Izuru, and your child from the Sereitei. You are never to enter these walls again, you are never to exceed a 10 district length from the city, and you are never to contact any member of the Gotei. You are barred from ever performing as a shinigami again, and you and Kira Izuru shall wear reiatsu restrainers for the remainders of your lives, or until your spirit energy has been depleted.

Settle in the rukongai. Settle in the world of the living. Settle anywhere, but never come near the Sereitei again."

XXX

Gin registered two things as he walked back into the hospital room.

One of which being that Takeshi was not asleep, and yet was quiet. He lay still on top of Izuru's blankets, staring up at the pale ceiling with large, curious eyes. As the door shut with a small whisper of noise, Takeshi looked towards him and his eyes gave a familiar blink, his arms doing odd flaps as Gin approached.

The second, more exciting, was that Izuru was eating. Not much, but a bowl just slightly bigger than the one Gin had force fed him was held in the blond's hands, his mouth chewing gently.

"Hey" Gin greeted, seating himself on the edge of the bed, and dangling his fingers over Takeshi's face, letting chubby fists swing at him.

"Hey" Izuru replied, setting the bowl off to the side.

Gin grinned at the blond's anxious eyes. "We got good news, blondie."

"They're letting him leave?" Izuru asked hopefully, watching as Gin's wiggling fingers were caught between clumsy fingers and brought down to a wet, toothless mouth.

"Better" Gin smiled even wider, feeling Takeshi bite down softly with his gums. "We're free."

"...What?"

Gin looked toward his blond, who face was colored pale and scared by the possible answer that Gin was presenting to him. "What did you say?"

His free hand went up to grasp Izuru's neck, and he laughed. "We're free. All we gotta do is leave and we can go wherever we like. All of us."

Izuru's eyes were large, marble-like as he registered Gin's words in his mind. "You..."

Takeshi made a small happy cooing noise as Gin's fingers left his mouth to play with his small fist.

The blond's face cracked into a pale smile, letting him all but fall forward to wrap his arms around Gin's shoulders. His eyes were dry as he looked back up at his lover, who smiled back down at him, as though nothing had ever really changed between them.

"Izuru."

"Gin?"

"Thank you."

XXX

I'm sorry for the obscene wait this had on it, and I'm equally sorry if it was in any way underwhelming or stupid for you. I was assaulted by college. But this is, once again, not the end. We'll have one last chapter. And then that will be that. Thank you for reading!


	13. Everlong

MP: Well, this is it. This is the final installment for Flesh Failures, and it's been such an amazing experience to have with everyone who has read and shared their opinions. I'd like to write more Bleach in the future, and have had a few ideas running around in my head that will need consideration. A QUICK NOTE FOR THIS CHAPTER: Takeshi probably looks around eleven at this point; however he's been aging like a regular shinigami, making this maybe 100 years after the last chapter.

Thank you to everyone you read/reviewed/subscribed/favorite and the like! Your opinions are very important to me, and I hope you've enjoyed the ride as much as I have. Disclaim me.

Cee: MissPessimist does not own one single piece of the city, county, and state of Bleach. That's all Kubo. Lyrics used are taken from Everlong by The Foo Fighters.

MP: Story ends now.

XXX

"_Hello, I've waited here for you everlong. Tonight I throw myself into... And out of the red, out of her head, she sang…"_

Sleep burned between his eyes…he was drowning…floating…there was something dark below him…

_I see you_

And now it was speaking to him.

_You are still so young_

I'm not young, he thought back.

_Still so young_

He reached a hand slowly down towards the black mass floating below him, aching to know that form.

_But you are ready_

His searching fingers encountered heat. Scorching heat that devoured his fingertips and spread up his arm, and in the flashes of pain behind his eyes he saw the form clearly than ever before.

_You are ready_

"…aka…"

A voice calling his name, softly, urgently, and a small hand shaking at his arm.

"Taka…Taka-nii…"

A bright green eye inched open, the world blurry and slow as he attempted to blink it clear again. He turned his head, freeing the right side of his face from the confines of his pillow, and letting his blue eye crack open to join his green one. With two eyes he could clearly see the world again.

He took in his room; small, almost empty. A small dresser shoved by his right wall, beneath his open window, where the light of the very early morning was softy filtering in, and in the left corner where an intimidating pile of worn, very old looking books was towering. And to the other side where another mattress was shoved against the wall, sheets rumpled from where they had been slept in.

And in front of him, where his sister had crawled into his bed, and was currently shaking him awake.

"Takeshi, get up!" she hissed, giving him another shake.

"What time is it?" he mumbled.

"The sun just came up, but that doesn't matter because you have to come on!"

He sat up, running a hand through his hair. It was long now, almost to his shoulders, and luckily it hadn't tangled that much. "It's too early. Go back to bed, Hina."

Hina frowned deeply, crawling closer to speak a bit louder, her long honey colored hair falling down her shoulders as she moved. "But there's something out there."

Takeshi frowned back at her. "What kind of something?"

"Something in the ground, it wasn't there last night when I came in" Hina whispered back anxiously, her olive green eyes swirling with excitement. "I tried pulling it out, but it's stuck pretty fast."

"Izuru told you you weren't allowed to go outside before the sun was up anymore, you know that" Takeshi reprimanded.

"Yeah, but this is important."

The older boy groaned, looking towards his window and seeing a few red rays of sunlight beginning to appear. Sighing he began to fight his way from beneath his blankets, letting Hina sink back on her heels as he moved. "I'll go take a look. But we have to be fast or else they'll know we were out."

"You know it's stupid" Hina mumbled, rolling her eyes. "There are almost never any hollows in this area."

"Yeah, _almost_ dummy" Takeshi said, pulling his yukata on grumpily. "You still shouldn't go out in the dark by yourself."

Hina huffed and picked at her nails. "It's not like I go very far, just the trees."

"And it's dangerous out there, you know people go in there and never come back out?"

"I came out, though" Hina reminded him with a smile.

Takeshi smiled back as he bent to search for his shoes. It would be hard to forget the day Hina appeared from out of the trees; it wasn't all that long ago as he thought about it, maybe twenty years ago. Twenty years when Takeshi had been captivated by the small girl that had wandered onto their doorstep, barefoot and barely able to speak. And of course Gin had been only too delighted to invite her into their little family, triumphant that he'd at long last gotten a girl.

"You're the exception" Takeshi shook his head, giving up his search for his shoes. "They're gone again."

"Izuru is going to be mad at yooou" Hina teased as she turned to walk out of the room, sticking her tongue out at him.

Takeshi glowered at the space his sister had disappeared from, and quickly followed after her. As he entered the short hallway, he turned and glanced at the room next to his, ensuring that the door to his parents room was still shut, which it was as he took care to walk past it as quietly as possible.

Hina stood in the open doorway, beyond the small room in which they ate and conversed usually. She gestured to him impatiently, almost bouncing up and down. "Will you hurry?"

He quickly made his way to her, pulling her hair as he ran past her and outside. Hina let out an indignant squeak as she began to chase after him in the early morning light, though his longer legs had already carried him far ahead of her. The grass was cold and wet with the morning dew as they ran towards the expanse of trees that stood not a long ways away from the house; dark and tall with thick branches.

Takeshi halted as they reached the forest, holding out an arm to catch Hina as she barreled into his side. "Where is it, you said?"

Catching her breath, Hina licked her lips slightly. "It wasn't that far in, just down there" she said, nodding towards a small dip in the landscape.

Frowning in curiosity, Takeshi cautiously made his way down towards it, his wet feet sliding slightly on the sloped ground. Grasping onto trees or balance, Takeshi craned his neck to try and glimpse what lay there, but found it impossible. He heard Hina beginning to make her way down behind him. "Do you know what it is, Hina?"

"No, not at all" Hina answered, sliding along easily, balancing with outstretched arms. "It looked sort of familiar but-WAH!" she shrieked, losing her balance falling to slip down the small slope, crashing into her brother and sending them both falling to the bottom.

Takeshi groaned, feeling sticks scraping his knees. "That's why you hold onto something, you klutz. We'll be lucky if you didn't wake Gin and Izuru up."

"They're sleeping like rocks, I'm sure of it" Hina said irritably. "Now will you get off of me?"

Scrambling up, Takeshi held out a hand to help her up. Looking at his hand distastefully, Hina stood up herself and brushed off. "It was over there" she looked towards the dip, and Takeshi turned to see.

Sure enough, there was something sticking out just inside of the slope, stuck in the wet ground. He approached it warily, trying to guess what it might be. It was long, cylindrical and thick, what looked to be dark leather banded around it in a series of V's, expanding up and stopping at a rounded bottom.

"Do you know what it is?" Hina asked, coming up behind him and looking down at the object curiously.

"No. But it looks familiar" he replied, bending down to observe the object more carefully. It was stuck deep into the ground, but at an angle towards him, as though it had been waiting for him to find it. He saw that at the other end, nestled in soil, was a circular metal rim keeping the thing from fully sinking into the ground. "You said you tried pulling it out?"

"Yeah, but it wouldn't budge."

"Hm" Takeshi grunted thoughtfully. He looked at the object carefully again, noticing how it was devoid of any dirt and how the metal at the bottom and the top shined so brightly. He couldn't fathom the feeling blossoming in his chest or this thing, like an itch he couldn't begin to scratch. His hands ached to touch it, as though they had been waiting 100 years for this object to arrive.

Almost as though they had been made to hold this thing.

Tentatively, Takeshi reached out a hand and grasped the leather of this object, near the middle. And as his other hand reached to join its partner, he felt a throb in his veins, and beautiful warmth in his blood.

Both hands firmly joined, Takeshi pulled.

The thing gave easily, slipping out of the soft, wet earth to reveal a blade.

Caked in dirt, Takeshi could still see its shine, and the thickness of it. It was wide and thin, falling down into a sharpened, deadly point at the end of a deep curve.

He knew at once where he had seen this thing before.

Only…this one was different. Wider, more curved.

But this one. This one was…special. He felt its heat in his palms as his unskilled hands held it away from the ground, the blade thrumming with power.

"Is that a-"

"Yeah" Takeshi nodded, almost dazed. "I think it is."

"What's it doing out here? And why wasn't it here last night?" Hina questioned, coming up to stand beside him and looking at the blade warily.

"I don't know" Takeshi murmured, his eyes still caught on the light of the sword.

Hina frowned, disliking the gleam appearing in her brothers dual colored eyes. "Well…what should we do with it?"

Takeshi smiled. "I'm keeping it."

Hina laughed. "You're not serious. There's no way you could sneak it in, and absolutely no way that Gin and Izuru would let you keep it."

"Who says they have to know?" Takeshi smiled mischievously, lowering the sword and letting it touch the ground. "C'mon," he said, starting to trek back up the hill, the point of the sword tracing the ground. "I'll hide it in my room, they'll never know."

Sighing, Hina followed after him. "They'll know, they always do. Or you'll get so scared they will that you'll just tell them, like usual."

"Shut up or I'll push you back down the hill" Takeshi tossed over his shoulder, reaching the top of the hill and setting off at a loose run for the side of the small house.

"Taka, wait!" Hina called after him, tripping herself over the edge of the hill and beginning to clumsily run after him. "Wait for me!"

Takeshi had never felt energy like this before. He felt like he could run around the world, or jump all the way into the sky. As long as he had this sword in hand he could do anything.

He reached the front of the house, quickly circling around to reach the side. His window was open not three feet from the ground, later, once he had a moment, he could just reach out and bring the sword inside. Carefully setting it to rest against the wall, Takeshi reluctantly let go of the hilt, already feeling the absence of heat from his palms.

Hina crashed into his side with a small 'oomph', sending him careening to the ground. "Don't run away from me!"

"Stop crashing into me!" Takeshi retorted indignantly, standing and moving to push back at her. "You do not feel as small as you are!"

Hina evaded his pushing hands and instead ran from the side of the house and back to the front. "Don't say things that aren't true you scarecrow!"

Takeshi raced after her, intending to crash himself into her as well, before they were both stopped by a voice from the doorway.

"Nee, what are you two doin' there?"

They looked up immediately to see Gin's tall, thin frame filling the doorway. Smiling down at them in his usual fashion, he stepped forward and into the morning sun, which had fully risen. As the sun lit up and bounced off of his silver tresses, Gin smiled wider.

"Got nothin' to say for yourselves, huh?"

"We weren't doing anything, just running around" Hina answered innocently.

"Just runnin', eh?" Gin asked, stopping to stand right in front of them. "How long ya been runnin'?"

"Uh…" Takeshi's mind was a blank.

"And how far ya been runnin'?"

"We didn't run far at all, just around the house" Hina defended. "Honest."

Gin laughed softly and bent down to be eye-level with the girl. "You'll make a great liar someday, Hina-chan" he reached out his arm and easily swept her up and slung her over his shoulder. "But today ain't that day."

Takeshi attempted to dodge the arm that reached for him, but found himself flying and braced on his father's other shoulder.

"Put me down!" Hina was crying indignantly. "I didn't even do anything this time!"

"Yeah yeah" Gin smiled, carrying them back into the house, dropping them to the ground in front of the small table that was in the process of being set. "Found 'em!" he called into the miniscule kitchen adjacent to the room.

Izuru appeared from the kitchen, holding few dishes in his pale hands, and gave the child pile a disapproving look. "Hina, you promised."

"I know" the girl groaned, pushing her brother off of her. "I lied."

Frowning, the blond began setting their breakfast on the table. "You can stay inside today, in that case."

Hina's mouth gaped. "That's not fair!"

"When we tell you not to do something we expect you not to do it" Izuru said, brushing his hair away from his face. "Takeshi, sit up straight."

"But it's my _birthday week_" Hina whined, leaning her torso over the table urgently, her hair nearly dipping their ends into her tea.

"Ain't no such thing as a birthday week, kido" Gin chuckled, settling himself down beside Takeshi, who had straightened up but had placed his elbows on the table.

"There is too, and it means you can't punish me!"

Izuru sighed as he seated himself between his children and took a sip of his tea. "You get one birthday, June 3rd, and that's it. Now eat your breakfast."

Slumping back in her seat, Hina pouted at her plate.

Gin laughed. "Ya look kinda like a fish with that face. Maybe we oughta cook you up and eat you instead."

"We'd probably all get sick" Takeshi said in between mouthfuls of rice and fish.

XXX

Something was off.

Izuru sensed it almost as soon as he opened his eyes that morning. There was a strange energy in the air, the likes of which hadn't been felt in his house for over 100 years. Not since he and Gin had been drained of their power had reiatsu thrummed in his walls like this.

He had looked at his son at the table that morning and seen it in his eyes. That the sleeping giant had been awoken, that power had finally been detected in his son's young heart.

His son. Who was still so young, and yet was already full to bursting with reiatsu.

So full of it that they had been having more and more encounters with hollows in the woods, coming closer and closer to the house. And yet they were still years away from having the captains come.

Another condition of their banishment had been that upon his physical arrival at 18, Takeshi would have reiatsu restrictors placed on him, thus ensuring that any power he had would never reach the surface.

Chuckling darkly, Izuru thought of how shocked they'd be when they saw they were 90 years too late.

"What's so funny?" Hina asked dejectedly beside him, standing on a stool as she dried the breakfast dishes Izuru handed to her. "Taka sneeze or something?"

Smiling, Izuru lowered his gaze from the window, where he had been watching his son read in the sunlight. "No, just thinking."

"Oh" Hina shrugged, looking at her reflection in a spoon. "Izuru?"

"Yes?"

"Do you remember the box in your room?"

Izuru shook his head and looked down at his daughter, who stared up at him with resolve on her gently freckled face. "You've asked those questions before. You're getting lazy, Hina."

"Yeah, but I forgot" Hina excused, taking up a bowl and beginning to dry it. "What did you say the sword in your box was called?"

"A zanpakto" Izuru replied, running another bowl under the water.

"And why do you have one again?"

He handed her the wet bowl, and she set the half dry one down and began to dry that one. "To keep hollows away."

Hina rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but _why?_ Only shinigami have swords."

"That's not true, I have one."

The girl huffed. "Well how did you get one?"

Izuru turned to her, arching an eyebrow. "You're awfully interested in swords today."

"Well, I don't know anything about them" Hina said, setting the now dry bowl down and beginning to finish drying its partner. "So how did you get yours?"

Izuru sighed and resumed washing. "In school."

"Will I get one if I go to school?"

"Certainly not."

"Why not?" Hina pried further.

"Because my school was very different from any school you'll ever go to. Okay?" Izuru answered impatiently, handing her a plate.

"Okay…but…so you didn't just find it?"

Izuru turned off the water and turned to fully face the small girl. "You are acting very suspicious today, young lady" he bent down to be eye level with her. "What's happening?"

"Honestly?" Hina asked sheepishly.

"Do you think you could be?"

"Weell, I'm kinda trying to annoy you so maybe you'd let me go outside" Hina answered, twisting the sash of her gray yukata between her hands.

Izuru looked at her skeptically for a few moments, before letting his forehead drop to touch hers briefly before straightening up again. "Well it worked, go bug your brother."

Grinning, Hina leaped down from her stool and sped out of the kitchen with a quick "Thank you!" before running out the door.

Laughing softly, Izuru turned to the window just in time to see Hina barrel into Takeshi, sending him crashing to the floor with her on top of him.

"What's funny, here?" a voice asked as two arms came up behind him to pull him back into a familiar chest.

Izuru sighed happily as Gin's head came beside his. "The kids."

"No surprise there" Gin said, his grin widening as he turned his face to nuzzle Izuru's hair. "I smell ya thinkin', Ru."

Placing his palms over Gin's own, Izuru nodded. "I'm worried."

"No surprise there" Gin teased. "What about this time?"

"Takeshi" Izuru turned his head to look at Gin with a furrowed brow. "Can you feel it? He's changed."

Gin nodded back solemnly. "I felt it this mornin', was waitin' for ya to bring it up."

"He's so…I can feel how powerful he is already. It's not right for it to be coming this early, he's too young; the restrictor won't be put on for another 90 years."

"Yeah, and the hollows already smell 'im" Gin frowned. "Ya think maybe we oughta go somewhere else for a while?"

Izuru shook his head. "I can't imagine it would help, there will always be more. I just wish they would stay out of the woods, that's dangerous."

"Eh, it's mainly Hina doin' it. She'll be alright; they can't smell her good yet."

"But she's growing too, Gin" Izuru said fretfully. "What happens when they're both old enough to realize what they have?"

"Even if they do, it ain't gonna matter. Not allowed in" Gin reminded the blond, rubbing their noses together. "Ya worry too much, y'know. Thought I saw a gray hair on your pillow this morning."

"Fairly certain that was one of yours" Izuru smiled, pushing him back gently and turning to face his lover properly. "Old man" he teased, before leaning up to kiss the silver haired man.

Gin pulled the blond closer, his hand going up to curl up in Izuru's hair. "I think I'll marry ya someday, Izuru."

Izuru smiled against Gin's lips. "We're getting too old for that, Gin. After two kids, all of that mushy stuff can take a jump."

"Thought ya liked mushy stuff."

"Only for breakfast."

Gin grinned, and pulled Izuru away from the window and started out of the kitchen. "Let's go outside. You're lookin' a little pale, there, blondie."

Laughing, Izuru let himself be pulled towards the door. "Some things never change."

Smiling together, they walked out the door and into the sunlight to watch their children run together, crushing grass and flowers beneath their bare feet.

XXX

He drowned again.

_I see you_

I see you, too.

Takeshi's hand unconsciously went beneath his mattress, his fingers curling around the warm hilt of his blade.

_It is time_


End file.
